In this thought-provoking conversation, Dr. Amelia Kelley sits down with author, activist, and artist Jacob Tobia to challenge everything we think we know about masculinity. Jacob, known for their fearless writing and advocacy, dives into the myths that keep men trapped in cycles of silence, loneliness, and pain, and how both feminism and patriarchy have played a part in this misunderstanding.

Together, Amelia and Jacob explore why most men aren’t beneficiaries of patriarchy but co-survivors of it, how cultural conditioning disconnects men from their emotions, and what happens when we start seeing gender as a choice, not a cage. They unpack why the term “toxic masculinity” has lost its power, the loneliness epidemic facing men today, and how healing masculinity could actually heal us all.

This is a powerful and compassionate dialogue that bridges divides, offering a new path toward empathy, dignity, and freedom for all genders.

Key Takeaways:

• Masculinity isn’t inherently toxic; it becomes harmful when it’s forced, not chosen.
• Most men are co-survivors of patriarchy, shaped by systems that teach them to suppress emotion and vulnerability.
• The term “toxic masculinity” may be doing more harm than good, reinforcing shame rather than healing.
• There’s a rising loneliness crisis among men, with millions reporting having no close friends or safe spaces for emotional honesty.
• True equality requires empathy. We can’t free non-binary or feminine people without freeing boys and men from emotional repression.

Resources & Links

Follow Jacob on Instagram

Visit his website

Grab his book "Before They Were Men: Essays on Manhood, Compassion, and What Went Wrong"

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