The Support & Kindness Podcast with Greg and Rich

Episode 3: “When you are forced to cancel plans, how do you handle any feelings of guilt that may arise?”

Recorded: Saturday, September 20th, 2025

Episode summary

Greg and Rich discuss practical and compassionate ways to manage guilt when illness, pain, anxiety, depression or other circumstances force you to cancel plans. They emphasize honest communication, realistic expectations, self-compassion, and simple strategies (templates, backup plans, shorter visits) to reduce stress for both you and the people who care about you.

The conversation centers on shifting the narrative from “I failed” to “This was necessary given my limits,” and on normalizing limits as part of being human.

Quick episode highlights (timestamps)

• 00:00–00:47 — Episode theme introduced: cancelling plans and managing guilt.
• 00:47–02:04 — Greg: why self-blame happens and why you shouldn’t treat a cancel as personal failure.
• 02:05–03:22 — Rich: the importance of open communication and setting expectations.
• 03:22–04:11 — Reframing guilt: from “I failed” to “I needed care.”
• 04:12–05:25 — Practical suggestions: templates, backup plans, shorter visits, and self-compassion exercises.
• 05:25–06:24 — How to invite alternatives and support from loved ones.
• 06:24–07:45 — On compounded guilt vs. one-off events: internal experience vs. others’ perspective.
• 07:46–09:08 — Resources and closing: support groups, 988 Lifeline, NIMH; call to share listeners’ experiences.

Direct quotes and notable lines

• Greg: “The most important thing is not to feel like a failure… we shouldn't blame ourselves as if we've got control over a pain flare up or a depressive episode.”
• Rich: “Communication is absolutely vital… guilt is one of the most common feelings because there's internal pressure to push through and meet expectations.”
• Greg: “Instead of ‘I failed them,’ we could replace that with, ‘I couldn't be there this time because my body or my mind needed some help.’”
• Rich: “Those are one-off events for the people that you have plans with… your only missing one event one time based on your health.”
• Greg (light sign-off): “You've wasted some perfectly good time listening to the Support and Kindness podcast with Greg and Rich — but no, you chose to listen anyway.”

Key takeaways (actionable)

• Reframe the story: replace “I failed” with factual language: “I couldn’t be there because my health needed attention.”
• Communicate early and briefly: a short honest message is better than silence; keep a cancellation template ready.
• Set realistic expectations in advance: let regular contacts know you may need shorter visits or last-minute changes.
• Offer alternatives: propose a shorter visit, phone call, or reschedule to show you care while honoring limits.
• Build simple backup plans: childcare, caregiving, or a “plan B” for events can reduce last-minute stress.
• Practice self-compassion: treat yourself as you would a friend; if guilt is frequent or severe, consider therapy or peer support.
• Remember perspective: others usually view the missed event as one occurrence; the compounded guilt you feel is often internal.

What each host contributed (noteworthy observation / quote)

• Greg
  • Observation: People often self-blame after cancelling because society prizes productivity and reliability.
  • Quote: “Limits are part of being human, and one cancelled event rarely defines a whole relationship.”
  • Practical tip: Keep a brief message template and suggest concrete alternatives (call, reschedule, shorter visit).

• Rich
  • Observation: Silence or assuming others “get it” leads to misunderstanding and resentment.
  • Quote: “Communication is absolutely vital… we have to acknowledge our limits.”
  • Practical tip: Set expectations ahead of time and use backup plans — communication prevents hurt feelings.

Resources mentioned

• Support and Kindness peer support groups (visit kindnessrx.org)
• 988 — National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) — resources and links for mental health information

Suggested short message templates to keep on hand (examples from the episode’s guidance)

• “I’m really sorry — my health is acting up and I can’t make it today. I hate to miss it. Can we reschedule for next week or do a quick call this evening?”
• “I need to rest today and can’t attend. I’m sorry to let you down — could we do a shorter visit another day or talk on the phone tonight?”

Call to action

Share how you handle cancelling plans: visit kindnessrx.org and let Greg and Rich know what has helped you — templates, scripts, or ways families and friends can support you better.

Closing line

This episode reminds us that honoring limits is responsible and kind — to ourselves and to others. If guilt shows up, a short honest message, a proposed alternative, and a little self-compassion go a long way.