Best Stop SelfSabotage With Podcasts (2025)

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Impulsive, Reckless & Wired: The Risks We Don't Talk About 30:12

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14h ago30:12

30:12

Send us a text This is the episode women whisper about but never get to hear. Today, we’re talking openly about impulsive behaviour in neurodivergent women, the fast yeses, the risky sex, the quiet “no” we can’t say, the adrenaline-soaked moments, the times we travelled too soon, trusted too quickly, or ended up in situations we never planned but s…

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76. Tired of Being Everyone’s Emotional Manager? 10 Signs You Care Too Much 26:54

7h ago26:54

26:54

If you’re the one who’s always keeping the peace, smoothing things over, and carrying a hidden weight you can’t quite name, this episode is for you. Tune in to learn how to stop being everyone’s emotional manager and finally put down the load you were never meant to carry. In this episode, you’ll hear: The 10 signs you’re taking on responsibility t…

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Why does calm feel so uncomfortable when all you’ve ever known is chaos? 33:38

13d ago33:38

33:38

Send us a text If you live with ADHD, autism, trauma, or the full neurospicy trio, peace isn’t always peaceful at first. Sometimes it feels suspicious. Sometimes it feels empty. Sometimes it feels like something must be wrong — because nothing is wrong. In this episode, I’m talking about the strange, uncomfortable, beautiful journey of learning to …

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Overthinking, Over giving, and Over feeling - Why We Do It (and How to Stop Spiralling) 35:40

19d ago35:40

35:40

Send us a text Ever catch yourself replaying a text, analysing a look, or scanning for shifts in someone’s tone, and suddenly, you’re spiralling? This one’s for you. In this episode, we dive deep into why so many of us with ADHD, autism, and trauma overthink, over give, and over feel in relationships, and how those patterns are rooted in survival, …

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75. The Guilt Detox: How to Stop Feeling Selfish for Putting Yourself First 17:48

26d ago17:48

17:48

Ever feel guilty for needing a little breathing room, saying no, or wanting something just for you? You’re not alone — and it’s not because you’re selfish. It’s because you were trained to feel that way. In this episode, we’ll bust the lie that being a “good woman” means being self-less, and uncover what it actually means to take care of yourself w…

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When Rejection Feels Like Love 20:56

29d ago20:56

20:56

Send us a text There’s a moment after chaos when everything goes quiet, and you realise you’re different. The rush, the spark, the drama that used to feel like connection doesn’t hit the same. You start to wonder if calm can really be love. In this episode, Ilja dives deep into rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), the intense emotional pain that …

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Rebuilding Desire, Connection & Intimacy After Chaos 21:50

1M ago21:50

21:50

Send us a text When you’ve only ever known love that burns, calm can feel like danger. But safety - real, grounded, slow safety - is where desire begins to grow again. There was a time I thought I knew what intimacy felt like - the pull, the craving, the chaos. But I didn’t. I only knew how to perform love, chase it, or earn it. In this episode, I’…

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74. 5 Hard Truths About Being the ‘Nice One’ — and Why People Pleasing Pushes Others Away 17:34

1M ago17:34

17:34

What if your “niceness” is actually pushing people away? In this powerful episode, I unpack a viral Reddit post where one woman asked, “Please just help me understand why people pleasers are disliked.” The 29 pages of raw, honest responses revealed painful truths about what people-pleasing really looks like from the outside — and why it keeps us st…

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Pre-launch Trailer 1:11

2M ago1:11

1:11

This is just to say "Hi!" from Your Authenticity Lab team and your host Evgeniya. Sing-up, sign-in, tune-in! Our next episode is one the way. Click to access additional resources for Integrative Immunity. Want to get the most from your meditation practice? Transform it into measurable progress! Sign up to receive updates on our upcoming tracking to…

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73. Tired of Feeling Drained After Every Conversation? 3 Ways to Protect Your Peace from Toxic People 15:44

2M ago15:44

15:44

Do you walk away from certain people feeling small, anxious, or wondering what you did wrong? That’s not an accident — it’s the effect of toxic energy slowly eroding your peace and confidence. Here’s the truth: you don’t feel horrible because you messed up. You feel horrible because their behavior crosses boundaries - boundaries you were never taug…

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72. Afraid of Seeming Selfish? The Dark Side of People Pleasing: How to Stop 16:15

2M ago16:15

16:15

Do you bend over backwards to avoid being called selfish? For people pleasers, that word feels like the worst insult of all — and it’s exactly why so many of us swallow our truth, say yes when we mean no, and lose ourselves in the process. But here’s the dark truth: the very behaviors we think make us “nice” are actually manipulative — and they’re …

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71. Keep Saying Yes When You Mean No? 5 Steps to Finally Set Boundaries Without Guilt. 21:33

3M ago21:33

21:33

Do you feel guilty, selfish, or even wrong every time you try to set a boundary? You’re not alone. For so many women, people pleasing has been conditioned into us since childhood — and breaking free from it is the only way to protect your time, energy, and peace. In this episode, I’ll share why saying no feels so hard, how people pleasing is NOT wh…

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70. Exhausted From Always Feeling ‘Not Good Enough’? Retrain Your Inner Critic with 2 Simple Steps 19:06

3M ago19:06

19:06

Are you your own worst enemy, bullying yourself with negative self talk? Do you feel overly self-critical despite being nice to everyone else? If your inner voice is filled with negative thoughts, you’re not alone — and you don’t have to stay stuck in the cycle of feeling “not good enough.” In this episode, you’ll learn: Why your inner critic is so…

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69. Don't Trust Your Gut? Why People Pleasers Struggle to Say “I Changed My Mind” | How to Start Speaking Up for Yourself 12:25

4M ago12:25

12:25

Ever said 'yes' to something and then felt guilty when you needed or wanted to change your mind -- even when it no longer felt right? This exact thing happened to me recently. In this episode, I share why people pleasers (even recovering ones like me) struggle to change our mind and say no when we already said yes, how pushing people manipulate you…

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68. Tired of Pretending & Perfecting Just to Be Liked? 2 Steps to Stop People Pleasing & Be Yourself 17:18

4M ago17:18

17:18

Are you afraid that if people saw the real you, they’d walk away? If you’ve ever felt like you had to wear a mask just to be accepted, this episode is for you. I spent over 50 years shape-shifting into who I thought others needed me to be—just to avoid rejection. But all that time, I was quietly rejecting myself. In this episode, I share the two po…

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67. People Pleasing: How to Break Free Without Guilt; 20 Things I Refuse to Feel Guilty About in Midlife 23:10

5M ago23:10

23:10

Are you constantly feeling guilty for saying no, putting yourself first, or just needing a break? I used to feel that way too. Guilt whispered that I was selfish, lazy, or letting people down. So I kept over-giving, over-doing, and over-apologizing… until I finally said "enough." I faced decades of saying yes when I meant no, repressing my own need…

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Why You Keep Falling for the Wrong Ones (and How to Stop) 1:25:09

5M ago1:25:09

1:25:09

Send us a text You know that kind of relationship that feels like a rollercoaster? The butterflies, the intensity, the late-night spirals — we call it “chemistry,” but what if it’s actually chaos? In this episode, Ilja Abbattista unpacks why we keep falling for the wrong people — especially if you’re living with ADHD, trauma, or both. From trauma b…

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66. Are You Subtly Trying to Prove You’re Good Enough? 15 People-Pleasing Behaviors Keeping You Stuck in Guilt & Self Doubt 15:47

5M ago15:47

15:47

Are you the one always trying? Always giving? Does your inner voice whisper, "No matter what - it's never enough!" So you try harder and give more. You may think you're just being helpful, easygoing, or kind—but underneath it all, you might be working overtime to prove you're good enough. In this episode, I’ll walk you through 15 people-pleasing be…

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Sex, ADHD & Trauma: What No One Talks About 43:21

5M ago43:21

43:21

Send us a text Sex is supposed to feel good — safe, connected, playful… right? But what happens when ADHD and trauma are in the room too? In this episode, I get raw and real about how distraction, impulsivity, hyperfocus, and body memories shape our experience of intimacy — and how healing isn’t always linear, even when we’ve come a long way. 💥 I s…

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ADHD & Dating: Why We Fall Fast (and Hard) 36:38

5M ago36:38

36:38

Send us a text Ever fallen in love in a week? Named your future kids on date three? Felt like you were spiraling before they even texted back? Same. This episode dives into why those of us with ADHD and trauma tend to fall fast—and fall hard. We explore the brain science behind intense attachment, how trauma responses play a role, and what it means…

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65. People Pleasing Is a Trap and ‘Sorry’ Is the Bait; What to Say Instead of Apologizing 20:48

6M ago20:48

20:48

What if saying “sorry” isn’t kindness — but self-doubt in disguise? And what if the key to less doubt and more respect is simply choosing a new way to speak? In this episode, I'm showing you why "sorry" isn't creating the connection you think it is—and why it's actually making things worse. Here's what you'll learn: Why apologizing when you've done…

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Boundaries - The Lines That Holds Us. 4:28

6M ago4:28

4:28

Send us a text In this episode of Dating on High Alert, host Ilja Abbattista dives deep into a topic that’s essential for anyone navigating love, trauma, and the journey back to themselves: Boundaries. Boundaries aren’t just about saying no or keeping people out — they’re about creating space for safety, intimacy, and self-respect. Ilja shares how …

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64. Why You Feel Invisible When You’re Always the Helper, Fixer, or Peacekeeper; This Disconnects You From Your Value 16:32

6M ago16:32

16:32

Do you show up one way with others, but feel completely different inside, maybe even the polar opposite of what others see in you? In this episode, I’m revealing what causes us to be this way and how this disconnection leaves us feeling small and invisible. Listen to hear: how the pain of always being what others needed (the helper, the dependable …

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Overgiving Isn’t Love — It’s Self-Abandonment in Disguise 17:08

6M ago17:08

17:08

Send us a text Overgiving Isn’t Love — It’s Self-Abandonment in Disguise This episode explores how trauma can make us overgive in relationships — and how to stop. Ilja shares honest stories of self-abandonment, intimacy, and learning to receive love without losing yourself. Plus, how to steady your mind, hold boundaries, and recognise your worth be…

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63. Love Isn’t Earned & Neither Is Your Worth or Value: How People Pleasers Mistake Approval for Love 14:38

7M ago14:38

14:38

Do you say yes when you REALLY wanna say no — just to avoid disappointing someone? Or say no, but then immediately feel guilty? Yeah… the guilt? It’s not about that moment — it’s about a deeper belief you probably don't realize you’re carrying. In this episode, we’re unpacking why so many women end up chasing approval without realizing it… and how …

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Overthinking Everything? Why Your Brain Won’t Let You Rest 15:01

7M ago15:01

15:01

Send us a text Are you spiralling over a text? Rethinking your last date? Replaying conversations in your head? In this episode, I share raw truths and real stories about overthinking, self-sabotage, and how we can learn to wait, breathe, and respond with clarity - not anxiety. This one’s for you if your brain feels like it’s stuck on “What did the…

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Spiralling: When Your Brain Won't Let You play Cool 10:41

7M ago10:41

10:41

Send us a text Ever spiralled after sending a message? You're not crazy - you're wired for survival. In episode 2 of Dating On High Alert, I unpack the chaotic truth about overthinking, rejection sensitivity and the brain drama no one warned us about. You'll laugh, you might cry, But you'll definitely be seen! 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me…

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I'm Not Too Much - I Was Just Never Met Fully 7:15

7M ago7:15

7:15

Send us a text In this first episode, Ilja cracks open the myth of being “too much.” ADHD, trauma, emotional chaos — what if it was never about being wrong, but being unmet? A voice-note style truth-drop to start unmasking the way we love. 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. For more raw, honest takes on dating, ADHD, trauma, and being a woman …

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Dating On High Alert Trailer 1:06

7M ago1:06

1:06

Send us a text Meet Ilja Abbattista and discover why dating with ADHD and trauma feels like emotional whiplash. This podcast is your truth-telling space to unravel it all. 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. For more raw, honest takes on dating, ADHD, trauma, and being a woman on high alert — head to iljaabbattista.co.uk Let’s keep this messy, …

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62. Why People Pleasers Overshare; Regain Your Inner Peace & Power in 4 Steps 15:38

7M ago15:38

15:38

Do you ever walk away from a conversation thinking, “Why did I say all that?” You’re not alone — and there’s nothing wrong with you. Oversharing is a sneaky people-pleasing habit that feels like connection… but usually leaves us feeling exposed, regretful, or misunderstood. I'm breaking down why we do it — and how to quit this habit to take back yo…

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61. The Price of Being Nice: 5 Hidden Dangers of People Pleasing 18:54

7M ago18:54

18:54

Have you spent your life being "nice" and putting others first, even at the cost of your own happiness and peace of mind? If the answer is yes, it's time to rethink your approach. Tune in to discover how embracing kindness over niceness can rejuvenate your life. In this episode, you’ll learn: The hidden dangers of being too nice and how it can lead…

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60. Tired of Feeling Responsible for Everyone Else’s Happiness? 15 Habits to Stop 22:19

8M ago22:19

22:19

If you're someone who bends over backwards to keep the peace, this episode is for you! Tune in to learn how you can stop carrying the emotional weight of everyone else and start breathing more freely in your own life. In this episode, you’ll learn: How fear of disappointment can lead us to compromise our own needs and well-being The 15 specific beh…

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59. 7 Hard Truths About Self Worth and Acceptance I Wish I'd Learned Sooner 13:36

8M ago13:36

13:36

Are you trapped in the cycle of people-pleasing and losing sight of who you truly are? It took me over four decades to break free, and this episode is here to guide you on the journey of self-worth and acceptance. Join me as I reveal seven transformative lessons that helped me let go of the exhausting need to be everything to everyone. In this epis…

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58. Why Speaking Up For Yourself Feels Hard; Gain Confidence With 10 Vital Steps 20:08

9M ago20:08

20:08

Have you ever left a conversation wishing you'd spoken up? Or found yourself over-explaining and then feeling guilty afterward? If the fear of expressing yourself has left you silent or overwhelmed, you're not alone, I've been there too. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to differentiate between wanting to be right and wanting to be heard in your …

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57. How to Gain Confidence, Self Respect, and Acceptance: 10 Steps to Break Free of People Pleasing 23:48

9M ago23:48

23:48

What really happens when you stop people pleasing? Speaking up and setting boundaries are powerful steps, and they can also bring unexpected challenges. In this episode, you'll learn: The ten key steps to break free from people pleasing and how each can empower you in living more authentically. The initial discomfort and pushback you might face as …

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56. What Would I Tell My Younger Self? Is This People Pleasing? How Do I Handle Resentment? Your Questions Answered 15:53

10M ago15:53

15:53

Breaking free from people pleasing can feel overwhelming, especially when you're not sure what to expect or how to handle the discomfort that comes with this huge change. Today, I'm answering some questions that have come through comments on my new YouTube channel (Mastering Midlife with Heidi). In this episode, you'll learn: How to identify and br…

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55. 25 Simple Things I Did to FINALLY Accept, Love & Trust Myself in Midlife 27:09

10M ago27:09

27:09

It's a very special 2-year anniversary episode of the podcast! Today, I'm giving you 25 simple life changes I made to reinvent my life over the last 7 years after my toxic marriage ended and I got fired from my job. In this episode, you'll learn: The power of rewiring your subconscious mind and why doing so can transform your love, acceptance, and …

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54. What 62 Years Taught Me About Self Trust, Self Acceptance, and Self Worth: 10 Lessons 22:03

11M ago22:03

22:03

Throughout my life, I've experienced hard lessons that pushed me to figure out self trust and taught me to finally accept myself. Changing your life starts with changing how you see yourself, and in this episode I'm sharing 10 lessons to help you do that. You'll learn: How keeping small promises to yourself builds self trust and diminishes people p…

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53. The LIE That’s Destroying Your Confidence, Self-Esteem, & Hurting All Your Relationships 15:01

11M ago15:01

15:01

How often do you catch yourself changing your words or actions to avoid someone else's negative reaction? If you're familiar with this habit, it might be rooted in a pattern of people-pleasing that erodes your confidence and relationships over time. In this episode, you'll learn: The deeply ingrained belief that often fuels people-pleasing behavior…

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52. Stop These 7 People-Pleasing Behaviors for a Confident, Joy-Filled 2025 19:18

12M ago19:18

19:18

Do you ever find yourself saying yes when your gut is screaming no? If you struggle with people-pleasing, this habit can rob you of your time, energy, and self-worth. In this episode, you'll learn: The seven sneaky people-pleasing behaviors that are holding you back Why striving for perfection and over-apologizing are toxic to your confidence Pract…

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51. 8 Secrets to Increase Your Confidence & Self Esteem & Escape the People Pleasing Cycle 20:28

12M ago20:28

20:28

It took me over five decades to realize that being "nice" was actually damaging my self esteem and confidence. Today, I'm revealing 8 eye-opening behaviors that were keeping me trapped in this cycle, plus sharing how you can break free from this people pleasing cycle. In this episode, you’ll learn: The hidden ways people pleasing depletes your conf…

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50. People Pleasing Trap: How Do I Say ‘No’ & Avoid Disappointing Someone? 21:51

1y ago21:51

21:51

Have you ever felt obligated to say yes just to avoid disappointing someone? This common people pleasing dilemma can often leave us feeling overwhelmed and resentful. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why a reluctant yes is more harmful than an honest no for both you and the other person The hidden costs and ripple effects of always saying yes when yo…

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49. How People Pleasing Destroys Self Worth! Take Back Control with One Game-Changing Question 16:46

1y ago16:46

16:46

Do you ever catch yourself asking, "what if they don't like me?" If you're a people pleaser, this question can end up running, and even ruining your life. In this episode, you’ll learn: What causes us to people-please and seek validation from others The physical and mental toll people pleasing can take on us A simple question you can ask yourself t…

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48. More Life Lessons from an Ex People-Pleasing Procrastinating Perfectionist 21:33

1y ago21:33

21:33

If you've ever hesitated to ask for help, felt trapped by your commitments, or lost touch with your true self, this is your wake-up call. In this episode, you’ll learn: The three lessons that shattered my people-pleasing, perfectionist mindset Why asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness The liberating truth about changing your mind - ev…

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47. 10 Lessons I Learned About Boundaries & Self Worth In A Hot Yoga Class 23:23

1y ago23:23

23:23

After 15 years of practicing hot yoga, I’ve learned quite a few lessons that go way beyond the mat. But don’t worry, YOU don't have to know a thing about yoga or bend yourself into a pretzel to learn these lessons too. In this episode you’ll learn: The 10 surprising life lessons I picked up in hot yoga The everyday struggles we face when we don't s…

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46. Boundaries: Are You Being Rude & Selfish? A Listener Question 28:31

1y ago28:31

28:31

Setting boundaries is one thing, but enforcing them can sometimes leave you feeling guilty and rude. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why we might feel like we’re being rude when setting or enforcing boundaries How to enforce boundaries without feeling “rude” Three simple strategies you can use to know your limits, communicate your needs, and build h…

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45. The Avoidance Trap That Causes Us to Not Set Boundaries 18:24

1y ago18:24

18:24

Have you been avoiding certain situations or conversations in order to maintain your sense of control? In this episode, you’ll learn: Four reasons we put limits on ourselves Real life examples of things we avoid in order to not feel discomfort or not disappoint others How this pattern of avoidance results in a diminished version of ourselves and wh…

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44. Boundary Mistakes People Make & How They Add Stress To Your Life 19:26

1+ y ago19:26

19:26

Are you always trying to be everything to everyone and repeatedly make exceptions for the boundaries you’ve set? In this episode, you’ll learn: What leaky boundaries are and seven ways to gauge if you have holes in your boundary bucket Four ways that leaky boundaries negatively impact you and add unnecessary stress to your life A simple exercise to…

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43. Saying 'Sorry' Is Damaging Your Self Worth! How to Stop Over Apologizing 18:28

1+ y ago18:28

18:28

Do you find yourself apologizing too much, even for things you don’t need to be sorry for? In this episode, you’ll learn: The five reasons we feel the need to apologize so much How over-apologizing impacts our relationships and our self worth Two things you can do today to start breaking this devastating habit If you'd like to know more about what …

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42. How Feeling Guilty & Selfish Destroys Your Self Worth 24:54

1+ y ago24:54

24:54

Constant feelings of guilt and selfishness can be devastating to your self-esteem, making you feel uncomfortable talking about yourself, worried about being seen as self-centered, and afraid to say no or express your true feelings. In this episode, you’ll learn: The three reasons why so many of us feel guilty and selfish so often The way these feel…