121. When “Staying Friends” Costs Your Self-Respect: Trauma Bonds, Avoidant Partners & Letting Go

Healing For Love

Content provided by Dr Gemma Gladstone. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Dr Gemma Gladstone or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://player.fm/legal.

12d ago 39:57

MP3•Episode home

Send us a text

In this episode
I answer a listener Q from “Maddie,” who’s in post-breakup limbo with an avoidant ex. I unpack blurred boundaries after a breakup, why “staying friends” can quietly erode self-respect, how trauma bonds differ from schema-triggered dynamics, and what it really takes to let go when your abandonment schema is pulling you back. You’ll also get a simple Relationship Review exercise to spot your patterns so you can date with clearer self-trust next time.

What we cover

The self-respect signal: why “staying friends” sometimes keeps you stuck
Love-bombing vs. real intimacy (and why early declarations are a red flag)
Trauma bonding 101: replication, familiarity and unmet needs
Avoidant–anxious dynamics and why they feel magnetic but unstable
“Hard work” vs. “healthy work” in relationships - a practical litmus test
How to let go: grief, no-contact, and naming your modes without self-criticism
The Relationship Review: a step-by-step way to map your patterns

Try this (listener worksheet prompts)

“Where did I override red flags because of fear, guilt or hope?”
“Which parts/modes showed up in me (e.g., Pleaser, Angry Protector, Vulnerable Child)?”
“How did I actually feel most of the time in that relationship?”
“What does ‘emotionally available’ need to look like for me, specifically?”

Resources mentioned

Episode 104: The Good, the Bad and the Bond (trauma bonding explainer)
Free guide: Dating With Insight: A Tune-In After Every Date (reflective prompts to help you notice how you felt in their presence)
Free live masterclass: The Psychology of Attraction - why chemistry isn’t random and how schema chemistry pulls you toward the wrong partners
- Live: Wednesday 10 September, 7:00pm AEST
- Replay available to all who register

Is Love Wisely for you?
If you’re a self-aware woman with a history of emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners AND you’re ready to rewrite your Love Template™ the next 12-week Love Wisely group starts late September. Warm, structured and practical.

Support the show

✨ Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: [email protected]
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🩷 Love Wisely NOW OPEN!! LIMITED NUMBERS 🌸 Secure your place - Doors close wed 17th 11:59pm

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

🚩 The Red Flag Project
Get instant access to the online course: Access now

132 episodes

#Schema Therapy #Psychology #Society #Relationship #Narcissism #Dating #Therapy #Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #Dr Gemma Gladstone #Schema #Self Help #Mental Health #Abandoned #Attached