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What if the recurring conflicts in your relationship aren't about incompatibility but instead signal that your unspoken agreements need updating? Bob and Wendy Patterson, married for 44 years and pioneers in relationship therapy, introduce the revolutionary concept of relational contracts that could transform how you connect with your partner.
Drawing from their personal journey through power struggles and miscommunications, the Pattersons reveal how unconscious agreements form naturally during the romantic phase but often become problematic as partners grow and change. Wendy candidly shares how her oldest-child tendency to direct her husband collided with Bob's youngest-child resistance to being told what to do—a dynamic that worked until it didn't. The turning point came when Bob expressed feeling loved but not respected, prompting them to examine their implicit contract.
These relationships experts explain how conflict signals growth trying to happen rather than evidence the relationship should end. "What couples heading toward divorce are often really saying is 'I've got to end the contract we've had,'" Wendy notes. This perspective shifts relationship difficulties from personal failings to opportunities for creating new, more conscious agreements.
The conversation delves into how birth order, communication styles, and decision-making approaches influence our unspoken contracts. Bob demonstrates this brilliantly with the example of giving Wendy "permission" to alert him to road hazards while driving—a simple renegotiation that eased tensions they'd experienced for years. They introduce their "CPR for couples" framework (Compassion, Power, Respect) as foundational elements for healthy relationship agreements.
Whether you're experiencing recurring arguments about household chores, parenting approaches, or decision-making styles, this episode provides practical tools for identifying expired contracts and creating new ones together. Listen now to discover how making your implicit agreements explicit could revitalize your connection and help you grow together rather than apart.

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Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.
Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!