RE 535: How To Let Go... Recovery Elevator podcast

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RE 535: How to Let Go...

3d ago 45:30

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Today we have Kayleen. She is 27 years old, lives in Baltimore, MD and she took her last drink on April 6th, 2025.

Sponsors for this episode include:

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There are a few spots left for Peru in October 2025. On this 10-night, 11-day trip of a lifetime, we will be hiking the Inca Trail and participating in two service projects. Registration closes in about three weeks.

[02:35] Thoughts from Paul:

There is so much speak in the recovery world about letting go. In recovery meetings, many of the topics are centered around letting go.

Paul shares that he has spent years thinking he needed to figure out HOW to let go. Like there was a secret technique that was missing. In fact, all you can do is realize you’re holding on and this awareness is the first real step towards letting the sunshine in. Once you realize you are holding on, or bring awareness to something weighing you town, it immediately begins to shift on its own, and you don’t have to let it go.

Another thought is that it’s not even about letting GO, it’s more about letting IN. If something is nagging you, don’t let it go, let it in. It will eventually leave on it’s own, when the time is right, when it’s resolved.

Paul encourages us to have the strength to see where you’re holding on and then invite it in a little more.

[09:23] Paul introduces Kayleen:

Kayleen is 27, lives in Baltimore, and works as a server in a fine dining restaurant. She enjoys walking, being in nature, painting and going to Café RE meetings.

Kayleen says she never drank normally. She recalls being in ninth grade and taking swigs of liquor from her mom’s cabinet before getting on the school bus in the morning. Looking back, she thinks that she was always looking to escape her feelings.

In college, Kayleen didn’t go to parties and drink with others. She preferred to drink at home and didn’t want anyone to know how much or how often she was drinking. She would frequently drink before going to class and eventually was suspended from the university.

Kayleen was sent to detox three times in college for her drinking and self-harm. She wasn’t ready to quit drinking and would start back as soon as she got out. When she was 21, she was arrested twice for DUIs, and she wasn’t willing to stop drinking.

A year later Kayleen was married and their relationship revolved around alcohol where they drank together daily. Over the next three years Kayleen gained over 100 pounds, and her mobility was suffering. A doctor told her that due to her poor health, she might not see age 30. For Kayleen, the idea of quitting drinking didn’t feel like a possibility.

In April of 2023, Kayleen discovered the RE podcast. Within a month of listening frequently, Kayleen decided to quit drinking on May 25th – just for that one day. She woke up feeling so proud of herself she kept going. A few months later she joined Café RE and found community.

Kayleen began walking and ended up losing 60 pounds in the first year of sobriety. Her wife had quit drinking too, but that wasn’t enough to save the marriage. Kayleen ended up divorcing her wife and moved from Indiana to Baltimore to stay with her accountability partner that she met through Café RE.

In April of this year, Kayleen’s sister got married and it was at the wedding that she relapsed. She said within a day she was drinking just like she was before quitting and quickly turned to her community for help. Kayleen says she decided to quickly shred the shame and make sure she didn’t get stuck in a “woe is me” place. The community lifted her up and helped her realize that she didn’t lose her sobriety time and Kayleen shares that she learned a lot from the experience.

Kayleen’s parting piece of guidance: Just keep trying. Never, never, never give up on yourself.

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