Best Richard Vandentillaart / Nick Vardon Podcasts (2025)

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TAPE 46 - The Hot Chocolate Day Ruffle Kerfuffle 4:20

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4h ago4:20

4:20

Another one from the Sudbury box that reads like half a weather report and half a late-night infomercial. It begins with someone solemnly tuned to the “hot chocolate channel,” explaining how to make your cocoa the exact temperature you desire — and, when it cools, how to rescue it with a scoop of something Bootstuck calls hotener. Caleb is dispatch…

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Tape 45 – Face Eyes and Moon Howls 4:18

6h ago4:18

4:18

Bootstuck begins the day with a greeting both dramatic and obvious: “Here I am. Look at my face eyes.” From there, the conversation turns lunar. The townsfolk celebrate the moon depending on its fullness—full moons get full howls, half moons get hoots, and cloudy nights simply mean supper. This tradition, naturally, comes from a wild dog. Dinner is…

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TAPE 44 - The Ocean Comes To Town 4:20

20d ago4:20

4:20

Spring stirs something in Bootstuck, and apparently that something is an ocean under construction. What began as a single hole, diligently filled with Caleb’s 17 buckets of water, has now become a civic engineering project—one bucket per week until the town achieves “ocean status.” Skeptics suggest it’s more of a pond, but optimism prevails. In equ…

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TAPE 43 - The Bootstuck Nude Racing League 4:20

15d ago4:20

4:20

This week in Bootstuck, a new civic initiative is announced: treasure chests filled with nickels and notes will be hidden around town, doubling as both a wishing well and a municipal mystery. Meanwhile, preparations are underway for a “cake show,” featuring Gerald popping out of one, Caleb baking another, and Dave inevitably producing something spa…

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TAPE 42 -Dave’s Dependency Depot 4:20

27d ago4:20

4:20

Bootstuck continues its grand tradition of opening businesses that should not exist. Fish Beach, the town’s only two-fish restaurant, is thriving thanks to its “hooking parties,” while Tongues and Toes — the shoe-store-coffee-house hybrid that once served cups of Joe’s literal ashes — is finally closing its doors. (Don’t worry, the locals are going…

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TAPE 41 - A Bootstuck BBQ & A 4:20

19d ago4:20

4:20

The latest tape finds our documenter once again baffled by Bootstuck’s cast of interrupters, half-formed ideas, and curious definitions of everyday life. It begins with a supposed “hat guy” sighting, quickly derailed by a newcomer who can’t open his mouth more than a finger-width. From there, the conversation slides into a burned kettle story, the …

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TAPE 40 - Pastels, Pontiacs, and Psychiatrists 4:20

24d ago4:20

4:20

Tape 40 opens with an image that’s equal parts slapstick and unsettling: Caleb, attempting what he calls “skywalking,” ties his shoelaces around his hands until he can’t breathe, only to be spun around, slapped on the backside, and sent rolling down a hill like a roly-poly bug. Inexplicably, Hat Guy leaves the room mid sentence to holler a bunch of…

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TAPE 39 - Even Steven Marbles 4:20

1M ago4:20

4:20

The tape opens with a heated accusation of lying, quickly derailed into a plan for a New Month’s Resolution: stop working out and start smoking (though the order is negotiable). A discussion of pizza geometry (round box, square pie, triangle slice) swerves into the concept of “topic drift,” which apparently includes drifting cars in Tokyo via myste…

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TAPE 38 - Landfish and Nuts Between Your Legs 4:20

1M ago4:20

4:20

The tape begins with a triumphant ode to soup — thick enough to hold a flag and hotter than rice — before veering into an odd declaration that “science is a fact.” This somehow segues into a taxonomy lesson where chickens are “land fish” and tuna is “the chicken of the sea.” A grim food memory surfaces: polishing off a case of tuna, only to realize…

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TAPE 37 - "Current Affairs and Squeezin Rita" 4:20

1M ago4:20

4:20

What begins with a vague reference to “current affairs” quickly turns into another Bootstuck spiral of half-finished thoughts, potatoes, and emotional trauma. The narrator once again attempts to document meaningful insight from the townsfolk, only to be met with suspicious snuggling rumors, unsettling clown chatter, and a sudden confession about it…

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TAPE 36 - "Traffic Lights in The Amazon" 4:20

1M ago4:20

4:20

In this unusually musical instalment, the town confronts the potential arrival of a Walmart with its usual level of deeply flawed logic and overly enthusiastic planning. The tape opens with a morning anthem, improvised in real time and including references to jackets, wolves, and " Walking your Steven" Things escalate quickly from there. Concerned …

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TAPE 35 - "Lasagna Hut with a Flock of Potatoes" 4:20

1M ago4:20

4:20

EPISODE SUMMARY (Tape 35): A long-distance call with questionable audio quality spirals quickly into fashion advice, livestock comparisons, silent Caleb, and a surprisingly long telephone cord. Listeners are introduced to a popular local garment made of lamb wool and allegedly topped with a rabbit testicle pom-pom. If no rabbits are available, a Fe…

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TAPE 34 - "The Lollipop Song" 4:48

2M ago4:48

4:48

A long-distance call with questionable audio quality spirals quickly into fashion advice, livestock comparisons, silent Caleb, and a surprisingly long telephone cord. Listeners are introduced to a popular local garment — a fleece-lined “chook” (hat) — made of lamb wool and allegedly topped with a rabbit testicle pom-pom. If no rabbits are available…

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TAPE 33 - "Rita Comes To Visit" 4:20

2M ago4:20

4:20

This recovered tape opens with a critical musical analysis of Led Zeppelin (mistakenly called Heavy Blimps), accused of using “pots and pans” as instruments and expressing “a lot of love” — roughly 600 loves, by one count. Rita, a long-anticipated seasonal force (or possibly a person), rolls into town early, knocking over Caleb in the process. Her …

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TAPE 32 - "The Shared Reading Bulb" 4:20

2M ago4:20

4:20

Tape 32 begins mid-conversation as usual, with someone attempting to introduce the mayor before getting sidetracked by vague mouth-based declarations. The bulk of the recording centers on an impromptu town council meeting about real estate agents coming to Bootstuck and the possibility of building 50 new homes. This is seen as “good for business,” …

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TAPE 31 - "The Bubble Games" 4:20

2M ago4:20

4:20

A surprise reconnection by telephone leads to the discovery of The Bubble Games — a loosely defined series of recreational events that seem to involve hand shoes, bubble ingestion, and poorly supervised air drops. The episode’s main event is the Hand-Shoe Race, a high-risk game where participants place shoes on their hands, raise them skyward, and …

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TAPE 30 - "The Annual Crash Site Trip" 4:20

2M ago4:20

4:20

Found another tape in that old box from the Sudbury garage sale. I’m still trying to figure out why these people even bothered to record any of this. This one opens with our familiar Bootstuck correspondent ranting about “training your ears to hear fast” by imitating rap music—he actually says rap rap rap rap like that’s instructional. Then he goes…

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TAPE 29 - "Jumbo 99 Cents Or Less Video Production House" 4:20

2M ago4:20

4:20

Another tape cleaned up and transcribed, another mind bending conversation from the 'Stuck. It opens in classic Bootstuck fashion with a baffling promise to “pleasure a man with a musical number,” before drifting into talk about the arrival of Spring—though any meaningful plans from Caleb seem vague at best. There's also an extended and pointless a…

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TAPE 28 - "Bills Topless Billboard" 4:20

3M ago4:20

4:20

Another tape and I'm not sure if the numbering is sequential because the subject matter certainly isn't. No introduction, no real context and no interviewer—just Don ranting about Bill's “topless billboard.” He claims it lost the entire top half in a storm, leaving only the bottom and needing a rebuild from a topless neighbour. There’s back and for…

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TAPE 27 - "Supply Drops and the Ace of Spades" 4:20

3M ago4:20

4:20

Another tape showed up, and I had to listen through the usual haze of static, crosstalk, and a phone call that cut in halfway through. I’m still trying to figure out who is calling them, or how they even have service out there. The conversation is hard to follow, but there are offhand mentions of aerial supply drops. They talk about waiting for thi…

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TAPE 26 - " Tires and Carrots " 4:20

3M ago4:20

4:20

Tape 26: “Tires, Carrots, and Other Local Crops” Got another recording today—this one opens with them claiming to have reached my “secretary” (the voicemail, I assume), asking if she has good penmanship. After that, the call wanders through Bootstuck’s new agricultural report: apparently they’ve got a backfield full of “wild tires” that “grow” in t…

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TAPE 25 - "Bruise Your Bum?" 3:57

3M ago3:57

3:57

Tape 25: “Bruise Your Bum?” There was a voicemail waiting this morning. I still have no idea how they got my number. No callback info, no explanation—just another rambling dispatch from Bootstuck. It opens with a commotion in one of the backrooms and quickly derails into a story about beach injuries sustained from excessive waving. When pressed for…

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TAPE 24 - "Airshow and Crash" 5:16

3M ago5:16

5:16

It starts innocently enough: Hat Guy claiming there’s going to be an airshow. This, naturally, turns out to mean one plane seen from very far away, a helicopter that might’ve been a goose, and a deflated rainbow-shaped hot air balloon salvaged from wherever such things land when they've had enough. Still, it’s more organized than the ski hill. Thin…

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TAPE 23 - “Time, Pills, and the Sears Catalogue” 4:34

3M ago4:34

4:34

This tape starts with snowmobiling. Or rather, the sound of snowmobiling — since the machines don’t move, the locals just make noises and call it “Skidoo.” Caleb provides ear-wind simulation. What follows is a baffling rundown of Bootstuck’s print-based “social media flyer” (which might be Facebook, or a hand-drawn newspaper), an attempt to replica…

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TAPE 22 - "Pop Top Balls and Recreational Olympics" 4:20

3M ago4:20

4:20

I’ve been cataloguing these tapes for months now, and I’m still not sure if Bootstuck is a functioning township or an elaborate performance art piece. This tape starts with something called a "snowman minute"—a unit of time defined by how long it takes to both build and melt a snowman—and somehow drifts into what can only be described as a failed W…

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TAPE 21 - “The Mayor’s Haircut and Other Red Flags” 4:05

3M ago4:05

4:05

I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. This latest tape kicks off with a brief mention of Titanic 2 (apparently still unreleased in Bootstuck), and only gets murkier from there. There’s discussion about avoiding spoilers—of both the cinematic and automotive variety—followed by a story about someone named Stephen who didn’t wave and has n…

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TAPE 20 - "Fish Each, Friction Water & The King of Canada" 4:23

4M ago4:23

4:23

The latest tape starts with caps. Specifically, hat inventory. Apparently, the King of Canada (real or dream-based, unclear) has advised the residents to prepare for winter with new ice scraper-equipped toques. From there, it veers. There’s mention of a new goldfish-based restaurant called Fish Each—the name refers to a strict one-fish-per-person p…

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TAPE 19 - "House of Cards with a runway" 4:20

4M ago4:20

4:20

This one kicks off like a 1940s social hygiene film before it collapses into a tale of unstable real estate, gravy-based adhesives, and existential architecture. Hat Guy shares a nursery rhyme, forgets how houses work, and constructs a two-bedroom, zero-bed home entirely out of playing cards. No one moves in. Fortunately. Elsewhere, Hat Guy may be …

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TAPE 18 - "Buckles, Boats and Bootstuck Currency" 4:56

4M ago4:56

4:56

The Bootstuck tape machine coughs up another bewildering recording featuring a long, one-sided voicemail, a heated discussion about boot buckles, and a serious deep dive into gravy economics. The townsfolk debate the practical dangers of decorative footwear, the true purpose of a “gravy boat,” and whether Canadian Tire money can be legally used whe…

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Tape 17 - "The Secret Light Show and Dave Juggs" 4:35

4M ago4:35

4:35

The holiday spirit arrives in Bootstuck with all the confusion and homemade flair you’ve come to expect. Tape 17 crackles to life with a musical tribute to the humble jug—an instrument that can be played anywhere, anytime, and preferably without warning. Meanwhile, townsfolk debate the ethics of inflatable lawn décor (giant possums included) and ha…

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TAPE 16 - "Disposable Thumbs and a Creamy Joe" 4:37

4M ago4:37

4:37

Recovered in less-than-ideal condition, Tape 16 is a chaotic casserole of overlapping conversations, occasional military interference, and enough Bootstuck-brand nonsense to fog a lens. The first segment features Hat Guy wrestling with the existential crisis of which light belongs at which end of a vehicle—head or tail—while rhapsodizing about the …

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TAPE 15 - “Running from Dinosaurs, Falling Downstairs” 4:02

4M ago4:02

4:02

We open on what might be a radio answering machine and Hat Guy is mid-panic, convinced he’s being hunted by dinosaurs (real? metaphorical? unclear), and then the message cuts off like someone pulled the plug. The tape picks up later with our weary interviewer attempting a Bootstuck-style lightning round, which is to say: rapid-fire nonsense in hope…

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TAPE 14 - "It's all Part of The Illusion" 4:53

4M ago4:53

4:53

Tape 14 opens with what I can only describe as an audio endurance test. Our slow-talking, never-named narrator yawns his way into a conversation about Bootstuck’s latest developments—if you can call them that. We’re introduced to the annual Carve-Off, a celebration of, well, carving... though the categories are as off-kilter as everything else in B…

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TAPE 13 - “Been Around Pizza with Matlock" 4:23

4M ago4:23

4:23

This tape opens, inexplicably, with a commercial for explosion protection—a service that suggests either Bootstuck has a blast radius problem, or someone got a little too ambitious with a microwave. Our unnamed slow-talking friend returns shortly after, pondering the mystery of why pizzas are round, boxes are square, and leads to pitch of his lates…

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TAPE 12 - "All is Fair in Bootstuck" 3:45

5M ago3:45

3:45

Just when I think I might be closing in on something concrete, Bootstuck takes a sharp turn back into the absurd. Tape 12 introduces us to Terrence, a man who apparently lives in a place called Nearby, which—naturally—is not nearby at all. It’s 70 kilometers away or, as Dave puts it, “seven songs,” depending on his mood and fuel level. The rest of …

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TAPE 10 - "Winters Warmth with Rita" 4:55

5M ago4:55

4:55

This tape gives us a rare seasonal snapshot: winter in Bootstuck. And, true to form, it’s not exactly what you’d call conventional. Dave is apparently wrapped in Christmas lights—possibly by accident, possibly as a coping mechanism—and the others decide to just leave him like that. As a display. A living, blinking reminder that Bootstuck celebrates…

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TAPE 9 - "Signals Crossed" 3:04

5M ago3:04

3:04

Tape 9—or at least what’s left of it—is mostly static, warped and broken. But somewhere in the noise, a voice punches through, crackling out what sounds like call letters: "JEAN." Maybe it's just interference, maybe I'm reading too much into it—but it feels intentional. And in Bootstuck, that’s enough to set my mind racing. Once the tape settles, w…

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TAPE 8 - "Broadcasts from Bootstuck" 3:14

5M ago3:14

3:14

In this episode, we uncover a curious new detail: Bootstuck has a radio station. That might explain some things—and raise a few more questions. Our notoriously unreliable informant, Hat Guy, returns with another garbled news update, making it tough to pin down what’s actually happening in this mysterious place. There's a mention of a restaurant cal…