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128. The Sorry Reflex - Why You Apologise (When You Don’t Need To)

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Manage episode 519496800 series 2947834
Content provided by Dr Gemma Gladstone. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Dr Gemma Gladstone or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://podcastplayer.com/legal.

Send Gemma a message

In this episode, Gemma unpacks The Sorry Reflex - the automatic urge to apologise, even when we’ve done nothing wrong. Rooted in the subjugation schema, this coping behaviour often begins in childhood, where expressing needs or disagreeing felt unsafe. When our nervous system equates disapproval with danger, “sorry” becomes a way to stay safe and connected.

Gemma explains how this pattern shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday interactions - especially for women conditioned to be accommodating. You’ll learn to identify your triggers (tone changes, sighs, silence), notice the body’s reaction, and experiment with opposite action to retrain your nervous system.

You’ll also hear a real-life success story from one of Gemma’s Love Wisely group members, plus guidance on combining schema therapy and EMDR to heal the deeper beliefs beneath chronic apologising.

If you’re tired of shrinking yourself, over-explaining or feeling guilty for taking up space, this episode will help you shift from “sorry” to self-trust.

Takeaways

  • Over-apologising is a safety response, not good manners.
  • Driven by subjugation, approval-seeking, and self-sacrifice schemas.
  • Triggers: subtle signs of disapproval—tone, delay, sigh, silence.
  • Body cues: chest tightness, racing heart, hyper-empathy.
  • Short-term relief, long-term self-erasure.
  • Opposite action = growth and rewiring.
  • You can disappoint someone and still be safe and loved.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: [email protected] for 1:1 coaching enquiries
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!
Get instant access to the online course: Access now

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

  continue reading

138 episodes

Artwork
iconShare
 
Manage episode 519496800 series 2947834
Content provided by Dr Gemma Gladstone. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Dr Gemma Gladstone or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://podcastplayer.com/legal.

Send Gemma a message

In this episode, Gemma unpacks The Sorry Reflex - the automatic urge to apologise, even when we’ve done nothing wrong. Rooted in the subjugation schema, this coping behaviour often begins in childhood, where expressing needs or disagreeing felt unsafe. When our nervous system equates disapproval with danger, “sorry” becomes a way to stay safe and connected.

Gemma explains how this pattern shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday interactions - especially for women conditioned to be accommodating. You’ll learn to identify your triggers (tone changes, sighs, silence), notice the body’s reaction, and experiment with opposite action to retrain your nervous system.

You’ll also hear a real-life success story from one of Gemma’s Love Wisely group members, plus guidance on combining schema therapy and EMDR to heal the deeper beliefs beneath chronic apologising.

If you’re tired of shrinking yourself, over-explaining or feeling guilty for taking up space, this episode will help you shift from “sorry” to self-trust.

Takeaways

  • Over-apologising is a safety response, not good manners.
  • Driven by subjugation, approval-seeking, and self-sacrifice schemas.
  • Triggers: subtle signs of disapproval—tone, delay, sigh, silence.
  • Body cues: chest tightness, racing heart, hyper-empathy.
  • Short-term relief, long-term self-erasure.
  • Opposite action = growth and rewiring.
  • You can disappoint someone and still be safe and loved.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📧 Email: [email protected] for 1:1 coaching enquiries
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!
Get instant access to the online course: Access now

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

  continue reading

138 episodes

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