Fear of failure doesn’t vanish with pep talks, and comparison doesn’t make kids try harder. We sat down with psychologist and author Dr. Kate Lund to explore practical ways families can trade perfection pressure for resilient growth—without asking kids to be fearless. Kate shares her powerful personal story of growing up with hydrocephalus and how her parents focused on who she was, not what she had. That lens—see strengths, acknowledge limits, stay connected—anchors everything we unpack, from sibling dynamics to teen pushback.
We get specific about the moments parents struggle most: a cautious child who won’t start unless success is guaranteed, a sibling who races ahead and sets an unhelpful bar, and a teenager who says, “You don’t get it.” Kate lays out clear moves that change the tone. Lead with active listening to earn trust, share your own stumbles only when it serves them, and replace outcome fixation with process praise. We dig into the comparison trap—why it erodes motivation—and how shifting to individualized expectations helps each child see their unique path. Instead of sizing kids against each other, we ask: what strengths did you use today, and where did effort show up?
You’ll leave with two simple habits that deliver real results. First, the relaxation response: five minutes of focused breathing with a soothing word builds a calm baseline so challenges don’t spike into shutdown. Second, the daily wins exercise: write three to five things that went well to counter negativity bias and reinforce progress. These tools travel well across school, sports, and friendships, helping kids face hard things, learn from missteps, and try again with more confidence.
If fear, comparison, or constant self-critique has been steering your home, this conversation offers a reset grounded in empathy, science, and doable routines. Listen, share it with a friend who needs it, and if it helped, follow the show and leave a quick review so more parents can find these tools.

Connect with Dr. Kate

Find her on Instagram here, or check out her book Step Away: The Keys to Resilient Parenting on Amazon.

Get a free mini lesson plus 52 prompts so your kids can practice every week here!

Thanks for Listening to Speak Out, Stand Out

Like what you hear? We would love if you would rate and review our podcast so it can reach more families.
Also - grab our free mini lesson on impromptu speaking here. This is ideal for kids ages 6+.
Interested in checking out our Public Speaking & Debate courses? Find more here!