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“Life is a dinner party—and healing is a descent.” – Antonia Dolhaine

Episode 86: The Parts That Drive Us, the Pain That Transforms Us & the Courage to Go Deeper with Antonia

In this episode of Return, Caitlan sits down with Antonia, a somatic depth coach and former Cirque du Soleil performer who now works with what she calls “uncommonly creative, ambitious, and committed humans.” Together, they explore the parts of us that chase excellence, the pain that often fuels our ambition, and the deep initiatory process of healing through Internal Family Systems (IFS) and somatic work.

Antonia shares how her creative and driven parts helped her survive a traumatic childhood, and how her pursuit of success on the world stage ultimately led her to a healing collapse, what she now calls her “cosmic chiropractic adjustment.” This episode is a raw and potent look at what happens when our bodies say no, how we surrender identities that no longer serve, and why slowing down might just be the bravest thing we ever do.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why the pursuit of success often stems from deeper parts needing love, safety, or validation
• How Antonia moved from performing on arena stages to becoming a grounded somatic depth coach
• The difference between achievement-driven ambition vs. self-led purpose
• What surrender really looks like during deep initiatory cycles (including breaking up with the love of her life and leaving the circus world)
• How Antonia blends somatic work, IFS, dreamwork, and active imagination to meet her clients at the roots
• Why supervision, community, and personal integrity are non-negotiables in depth work

Chapters:
01:30 – Antonia’s creative and ambitious parts as survival strategy
03:00 – The drive to perform: Antonia’s early years in circus arts
05:00 – When performance isn’t enough: the reckoning on stage
08:00 – Listening to the body when it says “no more”
10:00 – Healing isn’t linear: spiral paths and subtle shifts
14:00 – What we’re really seeking in achievement
19:00 – The surrender process: identity deaths & deep initiation
26:00 – Why supervision, integrity, and reciprocity matter
34:00 – Breaking up with the love of your life as a sacred act
38:00 – Somatic work, dreamscapes & psychedelic parts work
44:00 – Therapist parts doing parts work: when your own parts try too hard
48:00 – The joy of witnessing & the honor of holding
50:00 – Dinner party parts, cosmic invoices & finding belonging
55:00 – Kurt Vonnegut, dark humor & absurd wisdom

Links & Resources:

• Antonia’s Website
• Antonia on Substack – check out her $8 workshops
• Apply to work with Antonia one-on-one here
• Connect with Antonia on Instagram

Support the show

Produced by Caitlan Siegenthaler
If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend, post it to your Instagram stories, and tag me. And if you really loved it, the best thank-you is a written review on Apple Podcasts. Bonus: your review gets you a free 30-min session with me through The Dip. Book here: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule/1968a8cf/appointment/77001185/calendar/6030714?appointmentTypeIds[]=77001185