The emotional toll of fostering and adopting can leave even the most dedicated parents running on empty. In this powerful conversation, Nicole T. Barlow welcomes Melissa Smallwood, a counselor and family coach whose perspective is uniquely informed by her experience on both sides of the foster care equation – first as a foster youth who entered the system in middle school, and later as an adoptive mother of five.
Melissa candidly shares how burnout creeps into foster and adoptive parenting when we're constantly managing complex emotional needs, navigating bureaucratic systems, and striving to heal wounds that often run deeper than our love alone can reach. She reveals the hidden impact of parental burnout through the eyes of a child: "Unfortunately, kids internalize the symptoms of our burnout as something wrong with them, or as a lack of love for them." This painful misinterpretation creates a cycle where children's behaviors intensify in response to our frazzled state, driving everyone further into distress.
Drawing from both professional expertise and lived experience, Melissa offers five practical strategies to prevent and overcome burnout, beginning with honest self-assessment. She emphasizes finding community with other foster/adoptive parents who truly understand the unique challenges, learning to ask for and accept help without shame, recognizing our personal limitations, and practicing genuine self-care focused on nervous system regulation. Her approach moves beyond bubble baths and pedicures to address the deeper work of managing our own trauma responses and expectations about parenting.
If you're feeling stretched beyond your capacity or worried you might be headed toward burnout, this conversation offers both validation and hope. Melissa reminds us that acknowledging our limitations isn't weakness—it's wisdom. And sometimes, the most powerful parenting moment comes when we admit, "God, I have given all I have to give. If anything else comes from me, it has to come from you."
For more resources, connect with Melissa on Instagram @MelissaSmallwood.

Website: www.mendingheartscoaching.com

Instagram: @melissasmallwood

Facebook: facebook.com/melissasmallwoodwriter

Mending Hearts Network: https://shorturl.at/aAZIr

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Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/