How suicide survival, passive suicidal ideation, and grief collide—and why "being a burden" is a LIE.

A first-person, candid episode with coping tools and hope—no glamor, no platitudes.

Content note: graphic discussion of suicide, explicit language, grief.

If you’re struggling (U.S.): Call/Text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7).

Episode focus: three attempts (two nearly fatal), finding my grandmother after she died by suicide at 16, and living with passive suicidality—plus the guardrails and support that actually help.

We cover:

• Before the edge: the headspace leading to attempts—and why “burden” is a lie
• Passive suicidality: the background noise people don’t see
• Survivorship & grief: the pain of those left behind is real, too
• Safety plans that feel doable: people, places, plans—without homework vibes
• Dark humor as a pressure valve (and its limits)

Hosts: The DEFECTIVE Schizoaffective (Nick) • IndyPocket (Tony)

If this helped, share it and check on a friend today—then drop a two-line “not a burden” reminder you’d want to hear on our Discord "The Struggle Bus." We'll repeat it back to you! (link below)

NEW EPISODES DROP EVERY MONDAY AT 6AM (EDT)!

Candid mental health podcast with lived experience—schizoaffective disorder, trauma recovery, coping skills, and dark humor that fights stigma!

Discord — “The Struggle Bus”: https://discord.gg/emFXKuWKNA

If you need support (U.S.): Call/Text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7).

Sexual assault support: RAINN 800-656-HOPE or online.rainn.org

HOSTS / SOCIALS

The DEFECTIVE Schizoaffective (Nick)

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@defectiveschizoaffective
• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@defectiveschizoaffective

IndyPocket (Tony)

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@indypocket
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/indypocket
• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@absolutezen

Cover Art: Ryan Manning