In this heartfelt episode, we explore the depths of suicide survival, passive suicidal ideation, and the intricate dance of grief, debunking the harmful myth that you are “a burden.” With a raw, first-person narrative, this candid conversation offers essential coping tools and a beacon of hope—free from glamor and platitudes.

Content note: The episode includes a graphic discussion of suicide and explicit language, making it crucial for sensitive listeners.

If you’re struggling (U.S.): Call/Text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7).

Join me as I recount my personal experiences, including three suicide attempts (two nearly fatal), coming to terms with my grandmother’s suicide at 16, and my journey in living with passive suicidal ideations. We’ll discuss vital support systems, safety plans that feel feasible, and the role of dark humor in coping with pain.

We cover:

• The headspace leading to suicidal attempts and dismantling the “burden” narrative
• Understanding passive suicidal ideation and its hidden background noise
• The real pain of survivorship and grief for those left behind
• Practical, doable safety plans involving people, places, and actionable plans
• How humor can serve as a pressure valve

Hosts: The DEFECTIVE Schizoaffective (Nick) • IndyPocket (Tony)

IndyPocket (Tony) links:

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@indypocket
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/indypocket
• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@absolutezen

If you’re struggling (U.S.): Call/Text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7).

If this helped, share it and check on a friend today—then drop a two-line “not a burden” reminder you’d want to hear on our Discord "The Struggle Bus." We'll repeat it back to you! (link below)

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We’re a candid mental health podcast with lived experience—schizoaffective disorder, trauma recovery, coping skills, and dark humor that fights stigma!

Join Our Discord — “The Struggle Bus” - https://discord.gg/emFXKuWKNA

HOST / SOCIALS

The DEFECTIVE Schizoaffective (Nick)

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@defectiveschizoaffective
• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@defectiveschizoaffective

"BTMHOOI" (The Podcast)

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@btmhooi
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@BTMHOOI

*Podcast Cover Art By Ryan Manning*