ADHD & Self-Awareness: Understanding Your Unique Brain

Authentically ADHD with Carmen

Content provided by Where the chaos of ADHD meets self-acceptance, growth, and a whole lot of authenticity, Where the chaos of ADHD meets self-acceptance, and A whole lot of authenticity. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Where the chaos of ADHD meets self-acceptance, growth, and a whole lot of authenticity, Where the chaos of ADHD meets self-acceptance, and A whole lot of authenticity or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://podcastplayer.com/legal.

18d ago 37:35

MP3•Episode home

ADHD & Self-Awareness: Understanding Your Unique Brain

Carmen (voice-over): Hey everyone, it’s Carmen here from Authentically ADHD. Have you ever felt like you just don’t know yourself? Like your brain is a mystery you can’t solve? (I see your hand – yes, you too!) You’re not alone. Today we’re talking about ADHD and self-awareness – what that even means, why it’s so tricky for us ADHDers, and how to start building trust in ourselves anyway. We’ll go deep into the science, share real-life stories (hey, I’m no exception!), and even throw in a little humor – because sometimes laughing at our quirks is the best medicine.

Quick overview: In this episode, I’ll explain why ADHD makes self-awareness hard (from executive functions to time blindness), how that struggle feels (frustration, self-doubt, and those emotional roller coasters), and then dive into practical strategies for building self-trust and insight. I’ll break it down into tips for teens and adults, since our brains and lives can be a bit different. Ready? Let’s go!

Why ADHD Brains Struggle with Self-Awareness

First, let’s define what we mean by self-awareness. Simply put, it’s your ability to self-reflect, self-evaluate, and think about your own thinking. Think of it as the “brain’s mirror” – it lets you see your behaviors, emotions, and thoughts clearly, and learn from them. In psychology terms, it’s often called metacognition. Researchers note that self-awareness is a key executive function – basically one of our brain’s management skills. Unfortunately, ADHD often comes with executive function challenges, and yes, self-awareness is one of those tricky pieces.

Dr. Russell Barkley, a leading ADHD researcher, actually puts it bluntly: ADHD is a disorder of self-regulation. We struggle to “adult” not because we’re lazy or bad, but because the brain skills that manage ourselves were delayed or impaired. In fact, Barkley’s team points out that ADHD involves deficits in things like self-restraint, self-awareness, self-control of emotion, and self-motivation. In other words, our internal “boss” is weaker. Kristen Carder – another expert and host of the I Have ADHD podcast – explains it simply: “ADHD is a disorder of self-regulation… we struggle to focus because our executive functions are deficient, and we can’t regulate ourselves properly.”.

Let’s break down the key brain reasons behind this:

Deficient Executive Functions (EFs): Executive functions are like the brain’s CEO, planning tasks and managing actions. In ADHD, these are on the lower side. One of the six main EFs is exactly self-awareness (along with inhibition, working memory, etc.). Because ADHDers often have impaired EFs, our ability to notice and reflect on ourselves is less mature. Barkley even describes ADHD as a sort of “self-regulation deficit disorder,” meaning most EF skills are lagging. This isn’t your fault – it’s how the ADHD brain developed.

Weak Working Memory: Working memory is your mental scratchpad – it holds pieces of information so you can use them in the moment. With ADHD, working memory (especially visual/spatial memory) often underperforms. Kristen Carder highlights this: our working memory should help us understand where we are in time and space, but ADHD brains tend to live too much in the “right now”. We literally forget what just happened or where we put things in seconds! This weak working memory means we struggle to recall past actions or project future consequences – both of which are vital for self-awareness.

Time Blindness: Related to working memory is a phenomenon you’ve probably heard: time blindness. Dr. Barkley calls ADHD a “nearsightedness to the future.” He explains that people with ADHD are great at the “now,” but tend to lose track of time and future planning. On a practical level, this means deadlines sneak up on us, and we hyperfocus on immediate tasks without realizing how long they take. As one occupational therapist blog put it, ADHD time blindness is a “consistent inability to stay aware of time and consider the future in the present moment”. If you feel like hours can vanish in a blink – like you just started watching Netflix and suddenly it’s midnight – that’s the classic ADHD time warp. Without a good sense of past vs. future, it’s tough to reflect on what really happened or plan for what will happen, hurting our self-awareness.

Emotional & Cognitive Overload: Let’s not forget emotional regulation, a cousin to self-awareness. ADHD often comes with intense emotions. A study describes ADHDers having overactive amygdalas (emotion centers) and underactive frontal cortex (self-control center). The result? We feel things more strongly and have a harder time stepping back. When an emotional wave hits, self-reflection goes out the window. (Ever snapped at a loved one then immediately felt guilty but couldn’t explain why? Welcome to ADHD emotions.) When our emotions are surging and our working memory is full of racing thoughts, self-monitoring simply doesn’t happen. It’s like trying to inspect your car while it’s driving 100 mph – hard to do!

To sum up: Our ADHD brains often have weaker mental checking-stations. We’re built to do (and do lots of things at once!), but not naturally built to watch ourselves doing it. This combination of EF deficits, fuzzy time perception, and big feelings makes self-awareness elusive. It’s not a character flaw – it’s brain wiring. And understanding this fact can be a huge relief. As Kristen Carder gently reminds us, “It’s not because you’re lazy or dumb, it’s because your executive function skills are deficient.”

When Self-Awareness Lags: Frustration and Self-Doubt

Because of these brain differences, not being very self-aware in ADHD can lead to some painful and confusing feelings. Let’s be real: it’s frustrating. You make the same mistakes over and over (feeding the dog after work instead of before, again!), and you can’t put your finger on why. Kristen Carder admits that “making the same mistakes over and over… is in part because of lack of self-awareness”. You might constantly feel, “Why do I keep doing this?” and blame yourself for “not paying attention” or being “careless.”

This frustration often spirals into self-doubt. If you’re always confused about how you ended up here, it’s easy to start thinking there’s something wrong with you. People with ADHD commonly internalize shame. Maybe your teacher said you were lazy, or your boss has yelled “just focus!” one too many times. Dr. Saline notes that ADHDers often have more self-criticism and have to work extra hard to develop metacognition. If you’ve tried and failed at organizing or remembering, you may feel like you should know better – even though, neuro-scientifically, your brain literally struggles in those areas.

Worse, poor self-awareness can feed into emotional turmoil. The Verywell Mind article on ADHD emotional dysregulation points out that intense emotions and ADHD create “self-doubt and uncertainty surrounding your feelings.” Imagine overreacting to something small (a spilled coffee feels like the end of the world) and afterward thinking “Am I crazy? Why do I feel this strongly? Am I making too much out of nothing?” Your brain’s amygdala fires off a storm, and then your frontal lobe struggles to calm it. All this leads to a painful cycle: you feel overwhelmed, regret your reaction, then start doubting if your emotions were valid at all.

On the flip side, others see you acting impulsive or scattered and often misinterpret you. They might label you “irresponsible” or “unmotivated,” which hurts. For example, in school a student with ADHD might frequently miss deadlines or seem to procrastinate, not because they don’t care, but because “they have difficulty estimating how much time has passed or how long a task will take”. Teachers sometimes think that’s willful misbehavior, not realizing it’s our brains. Or maybe friends get annoyed because you interrupt conversations (you had about a million ideas to share, didn’t you?), or your partner thinks you’re aloof when really you’re just lost in thought. The gap between the internal experience (“I’m overwhelmed and panicked!”) and the external behavior (“She doesn’t care”) is real, and that gap fuels frustration.

In short, struggling with self-awareness often looks like: repeating mistakes, feeling confused and anxious about your own actions, and battling guilt or self-criticism when others misread your ADHD traits. It’s emotionally draining. But here’s the hopeful flip side: knowing the “why” can help you reframe these feelings. When you realize it’s ADHD wiring, you can start treating yourself with compassion instead of blame. Recognizing that your brain is just wired differently – not “wrong” – is the first big step to building trust in yourself.

AD BREAK

Inside vs. Outside: Living with ADHD from Both Sides

Let’s take a quick look at that inside/outside story. Internally, ADHD brains are a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Externally, people might see the aftermath and misunderstand it. Some examples:

Inside (Internal Experience): You’re juggling thoughts about work deadlines, why your crush hasn’t texted back, the groceries you forgot, and that song stuck in your head. You feel an urge to do something about something but aren’t sure what. Maybe an emotion flares – frustration, excitement, anxiety – and your body reacts (heart races, hands fidget). Time feels like fluid: one minute into an activity, 5 minutes have passed; five minutes later, 2 hours have gone by. You might think, “I know I had an important task – what happened to that?!” or “I had a burst of creativity at 3 am – why couldn’t I use that during the day?”

Outside (Behavior Others See): From the outside, that might look like you spaced out during a meeting, then suddenly snapped at a coworker. Or you were hyper-focused on organizing your bookshelves, only to snap back when someone asked where your homework is. Friends might say, “She was so quiet earlier, now she’s yelling about nothing” or “He started cleaning the house at 2 a.m. again!” Partners might feel like they live with someone who’s unpredictable – one moment “present,” the next moment distant or distracted. Teachers sometimes see kids with ADHD as unruly or lazy: a student might rush through a test carelessly because they felt they needed to finish fast, and the teacher hears “she didn’t do her work carefully.”

This mismatch can be heartbreaking. People might not realize that inside your head, you were frantically trying to tie clues together or waiting for your brain to slow down. Kristen Carder reminds us: self-awareness is uncomfortable for ADHDers – it “might bring up a lot of shame and guilt”. It’s understandable – we often feel like we should be better, and when we aren’t, it stings.

Remember, though: the gap isn’t your fault, it’s the ADHD wiring. Educational research shows that behaviors we label as “misbehavior” (like missing deadlines or rushing through work) are actually symptoms of impaired time-processing in ADHD. The good news is, once we understand this gap, we can start bridging it with communication and strategies (more on that next). For now, know that you’re not alone in feeling misunderstood, and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Your brain is doing its best with the tools it’s given.

ADS

Practical Strategies: Building Self-Trust and Awareness

Okay, let’s get practical. How do we strengthen that elusive self-awareness muscle and learn to trust our ADHD brains? We’ll tackle this in two parts: tips for teens and tips for adults. (If you’re a teen, skip to the teen section; if you’re an adult, flip to the adult section.)

For Teens with ADHD

As a teenager, life is hectic for anyone, and ADHD adds its own roller coaster. Many of you might feel like nobody gets how chaotic it is. Here are some tips:

Keep a daily “self-check” routine. Set a reminder on your phone or watch. Twice a day (maybe mid-school and after school), take a minute: How am I feeling right now? What have I been doing? Even just a quick note (writing, texting to yourself, or voice memo) can anchor you to the present. One idea: use emojis in your calendar to rate your mood or energy. This builds metacognition. For example, put a 😊 or 😔 next to class periods to track your vibe.

Use external organizers. Because working memory is shaky, don’t rely on just brain. Carry a small notebook or use an app. Make two very simple lists: “DONE” and “TO-DO”. When you finish something (no matter how small – “texted coach back,” “cleaned desk for 5 minutes,” “turned in homework” even if late), move that to DONE. Seeing your DONE list grow builds trust in yourself. This is like a mini win jar. Similarly, for tasks: break them into micro-steps (“first step: open textbook,” “next: find page,” etc.), and check them off.

Find a supportive adult. This could be a parent, teacher, school counselor, or coach. Let them know you’re ADHD (if you’ve been diagnosed) and explain, “I struggle to keep track of time/feelings like others do.” Sometimes a little explanation goes a long way. They might suggest accommodations (extra time on tests, permission to use fidgets, etc.), and more importantly, they’ll start interpreting your actions with empathy instead of frustration.

Self-advocacy and self-monitoring. Practice small self-reflection. After a class or activity, ask yourself: “Did I do the same mistake today as yesterday? What was different?” You might even create a “success file”: write one thing that went well each day (an answer you gave, a project you did well). This builds awareness of your strengths and patterns. Over time, you’ll start noticing triggers (e.g., “I always forget locker combo when I’m stressed”). Acknowledging these patterns is empowering.

Mindfulness moments. You’re probably thinking, “Mindfulness? Ugh.” I get it – it sounds boring. But even just 30 seconds of “Where am I right now? Breathe” can reset your brain. Try it between classes or before tests. You’re just training yourself to pause and experience the moment. This tiny practice can slowly improve that brain’s self-monitoring gear.

Stay curious about yourself. Think of your ADHD not as a flaw, but as a different operating system. For example, when you forget something, try asking calmly: “What was going on right before I forgot?” instead of “Why am I so stupid?” Over time, this curious attitude helps you learn your own “software bugs” without shame.

A quick relatable moment: If you’ve ever worked on a project and thought “wow I’m crushing this!”, then minutes later realized you were on a totally different task (like vacuuming the living room mid-math), that’s your brain’s executive function playing a trick. Smile at it. Jokes aside, recognizing these moments is a small step toward understanding how your brain works.

For Adults with ADHD

Adulting with ADHD has its own challenges: jobs, bills, kids, social life… it’s a lot. But adults also have more tools and self-awareness to play with. Here are some strategies:

Validate your needs and feelings. Kristen Carder emphasizes this as a starting point: “Begin to validate your needs, feelings, and experience”. In practical terms, this means giving yourself permission to have ADHD struggles without guilt. For instance, if you feel anxious about a deadline, instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge it: “My ADHD brain feels panicky about this test, and that’s valid.” Write that down or say it out loud. Recognizing your reality (workloads can be overwhelming, time slips away) breaks the cycle of self-doubt.

Routine “winning” reflections. Build on the idea of a wins jar or folder. For adults, this could be a journal or digital note where you jot down any success or positive moment each day. Celebrated a small victory? Log it. This creates evidence that you are doing well, which your ADHD brain can refer back to when doubt creeps in. Over time, these notes become a proof of competence you crafted yourself.

Mindfulness + emotion labeling. When emotions run high, try stepping back and naming them. For example, say in your mind: “I’m feeling really frustrated and anxious right now.” Doing this a few times trains your brain to create a pause. Research shows naming emotions activates the prefrontal cortex (our judgment center), which helps dampen the amygdala flare-up. Pair it with a deep breath or a short walk. (It sounds cheesy, but giving an emotion a name can shave off its intensity.)

Set consistent reminders. We talked about time blindness, so weaponize reminders! Use your phone or devices – set an alarm for lunch even if you don’t need to eat; set one to stop working at 5 pm. Even use your calendar for non-obvious things: “How am I feeling now?” at 3 pm. Kristen even suggests using familiar cues: if you ignore alarms but always reply to texts, set a text reminder. The trick is to piggyback on habits you already have.

Truthful self-talk (“reframing”). Whenever you catch yourself thinking “I’m a failure” after a meltdown or missed deadline, stop. Instead, say: “My ADHD makes tasks harder, but I’m learning strategies.” Reframe mistakes as part of the process. It helps to imagine talking to a good friend: you wouldn’t call them lazy, so don’t call yourself that. There’s even a tip to reframe negatives to neutral: instead of “I’m so stupid for forgetting,” try “My memory trick didn’t work that time.” Little shifts in thinking build self-trust.

Build structure around your brain. Embrace tools that act as your external executive function. For example, keep a visible calendar, use the “Pomodoro Technique” (work 25 min, break 5 min, repeat), or block out weekly review time. These systems won’t magically make you perfect, but they compensate for ADHD gaps. And remember, consistency is key: the more reliably you use a tool, the more your brain starts to trust that system to back it up.

Seek community or coaching. It might help to talk with other ADHD adults. Sometimes just hearing “I totally do that too” can ease shame. If possible, consider an ADHD coach or therapist familiar with ADHD (some organizations like CHADD or ADDA have resources). They can provide structure and validation – kind of like external EFs. Kristen’s program Focused is an example; if formal coaching isn’t an option, even a support group or an ADHD friend can remind you that your experience is real and solvable.

A light-hearted check-in for all: Raise your hand if you’ve ever said, “This time I’m totally going to remember X,” only to realize you didn’t? (Hands up over here!) These moments are maddening, but they happen to the best of us. The goal is not to eliminate them entirely – that may be impossible – but to learn from them and gently adjust our strategies.

Moving Forward: You Are More Than ADHD

Here’s the bottom line: Self-awareness in ADHD is hard, but not hopeless. Our brains might need more effort and kindness to develop this skill, but they absolutely can improve it over time. Remember that research shows people with ADHD typically do strengthen their metacognition and self-monitoring well into their late 20s (and beyond). It just often comes later than in others. Every time you pause to reflect, journal, or even giggle at an ADHD oops – you’re exercising those mental muscles.

And speaking of humor: let’s all take a moment. If ADHD has taught me anything, it’s that life is about adaptation. For instance, I once ended up in the fridge at midnight searching for “something healthy to eat” and found myself staring at a jar of olives thinking “Why am I here again?” 🤦‍♀️ (The answer was I forgot I ate dinner.) If you can laugh at your brain’s detours – and I’m sure you can relate – you’ll handle them easier.

Most importantly, self-trust comes from self-compassion. If you’re new to ADHD or have struggled with it for years, give yourself a break. All those “flaws” were just another language of your neurodiversity. By learning how your brain ticks, you can adapt your life to fit it – not the other way around.

So, dear listener, be gentle with yourself. Celebrate the tiny victories (you found your keys without a meltdown! 🎉). Forgive the slip-ups. Talk to someone who gets it. And remember that your experience is valid, as Kristen Carder emphasizes: believing in your experience as real and giving yourself permission to have ADHD quirks is the foundation of self-trust.

In closing, keep this in mind: self-awareness isn’t about being perfect – it’s about being honest and kind to yourself. Like Dr. Saline says, metacognition is your superpower to “connect the dots” in your life. It might take longer to develop, but day by day, bit by bit, you’re growing it. The fact that you care enough to listen to this episode tells me you’re on the right path.

Thanks for hanging out with me today. I hope you feel a little more seen and a lot more hopeful. We’ll keep learning, keep laughing, and keep moving forward – together.

Sources: Grounding our conversation, experts remind us that ADHD is fundamentally a difference in the brain’s executive functions (including self-awareness), time perception, and emotion regulation. Strategies like self-reflection, environmental supports, and self-compassion are supported by ADHD coaches and research. (For deeper dives, check out the linked studies and expert resources.) Keep those thumbs up and subscribe for more Authentically ADHD support – you’ve got this!

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/carmen_irace

Join Focused: https://ihaveadhdllc.ontralink.com/t?orid=29951&opid=1

Get full access to carmen_authenticallyadhd at carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

231 episodes

#Fitness #Mental Health #Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #A whole lot of authenticity #Where the chaos of ADHD meets self-acceptance #Dive Deep