What happens after you leave an abuse relationship? The movies would have you believe it's all sunshine and roses once you escape, but the reality is far more complicated. Author Emma Jean Rowin returns to share the final chapter of her journey, reading from her powerful memoir "When Things Collapse" and exploring the complex aftermath of domestic abuse.
Emma Jean opens with a reading about "The Work of Letting Peace In," describing how survivors often develop hypervigilance as a protection mechanism. This overwhelming need to control one's environment—especially for parents trying to shield their children from further harm—becomes its own struggle that requires intentional healing.
One of the most profound revelations in our conversation is how both of us believed we were "too smart" or "too strong" to be abuse victims. This common belief actually makes us more vulnerable, as it prevents us from recognizing abuse for what it is and seeking help. We discuss how abuse creates neural pathways that trigger unexpected reactions in future relationships, requiring conscious reprogramming through therapy and self-awareness.
"If a person's good side is very good and their bad side is very bad, you have to let go of both," Emma Jean shares, highlighting one of the most difficult aspects of leaving—the uncertainty about whether those good moments were real, and learning that ultimately, it doesn't matter. The intensity that many survivors become accustomed to in relationships is not healthy, though it can take time to understand that peaceful relationships are actually the goal.
While the journey after abuse isn't fair and requires tremendous work, the peace and freedom are worth it. There's a special appreciation for autonomy that survivors develop—the ability to make decisions without fear, to experience calm without walking on eggshells, to simply be. If you're on this journey, remember that all your feelings are valid, healing isn't linear, and you are never, ever alone.

Emma Jean’s 1in3 bio: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/emma-jean-rowin/

Link to “When Things Collapse”: https://a.co/d/8wTUZ1W

1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.

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If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
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Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe