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Ruth Stearns Mandel & David Mandel Podcasts

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This podcast is a series of conversations. What started as a series of intimate conversations between Ruth and David that ranged from personal to professional experiences around violence, relationships, abuse, and system and professional responses which harm, not help, has now become a global conversation about systems and culture change. In many episodes, David and Ruth are joined by a global leader in different areas like child safety, men and masculinity, and, of course, partnering with s ...
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A woman calls for help after being strangled in her own home. He shows a scratch; she leaves in handcuffs. From that moment, the system that promised safety starts to mirror the control she’s trying to escape. That’s the hard truth we face with researcher and practitioner Lisa Young Larance, whose new book, Broken, gathers the long-view stories of …
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A clear map beats chaos when lives are at stake. We sit down with Dr. Kate Fitz-Gibbon to draw a sharper line between “losing control” in life and being coercively controlled by a partner, and we keep children at the center where they belong. Through careful research and straight talk, we unpack why men’s and women’s experiences of intimate partner…
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Blame doesn’t make families safer—clarity does. We sit down with Scottish survivors and practitioners from Equally Safe Falkirk to explore how a survivor-centered, perpetrator-focused, child safety–driven approach changes practice, confidence, and outcomes. You’ll hear how validation replaces tick-box culture, how naming protective parenting restor…
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The weaponisation of immigration status has become a powerful tool in the arsenal of domestic abusers. For migrant survivors, the choice between enduring abuse or risking deportation represents an impossible dilemma that traps them in dangerous situations. Meena Kumari, a domestic abuse practitioner with 21 years of experience in the UK, shares how…
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Religious teachings wield profound influence over family dynamics and human behaviors, sometimes enabling abuse under the guise of spiritual teachings and guidance. This raw and revealing conversation confronts the troubling legacy of religious parenting methodologies that promote violence, rights removal, and coercive control rather than nurturing…
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When a perpetrator targets a family pet, they're sending a clear message about what they're capable of—and revealing a dangerous pattern that threatens everyone in the home. This eye-opening conversation with Maya Badham, founder of the Centre for Animal Inclusive Safeguarding, explores the deeply troubling intersection of animal abuse and coercive…
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When churches call clergy sexual abuse “moral failings” or “affairs,” they obscure the truth: Predatory pastors groom adult congregants using tactics that mirror coercive control and intimate partner violence. Counselor and researcher Jaime Simpson joins us to dismantle myths about consent in faith settings, drawing from her study Broken, Shattered…
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Surviving trauma isn't evidence of brokenness—it’s proof of extraordinary strength. Yet traditional therapy approaches often miss this crucial reality, focusing instead on deficits and pathology while forcing survivors to relive painful experiences without first creating safety. In this powerful conversation, therapist and trauma survivor Oli Doyle…
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What does it take to transform domestic violence practice in an organization? In this illuminating conversation with Safe & Together Institute’s Systems Change Champion Kyra Feetham from the Centre for Women & Co. in Queensland, Australia, we explore the power of language, values alignment, and relationship-building in creating sustainable change. …
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When Kelly Daley, Community Connection Practitioner at Upper Murray Family Care, stood to accept her Champion Award for case practice in the Asia Pacific region, she was not just celebrating professional achievement—she was honoring a deeply personal journey of healing and transformation. Working across three agencies to implement the Safe & Togeth…
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Imagine a world where our most vulnerable babies are protected without automatically severing their connection to their family. That's the vision Lauren Seager-Smith brings as Chief Executive of the For Baby's Sake Trust, where they're revolutionizing responses to domestic abuse during pregnancy and early childhood. The numbers are staggering: appr…
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What if ending violence against women isn't just about asking men to stop bad behavior, but inviting them to embrace a more meaningful definition of strength and leadership? This question forms the heart of our powerful conversation with Jackson Katz, Ph.D., one of the world's foremost male voices in the movement to prevent gender-based violence. K…
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When Bruce Bieber's phone rang at 2:50 AM, his world shattered. Three deputies stood at his door with news that his daughter Abby, a dedicated police officer known for her compassion and professionalism, had been murdered by her boyfriend – a fellow officer with a documented history of domestic violence that had been systematically minimized by the…
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David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel share highlights from the 2025 Safe & Together Asia Pacific Coercive Control and Children's Conference in Melbourne, Australia. Listen in as they reflect on key moments and the impact of bringing together over 400 practitioners from across the region. Here are some of the highlights: • Commitment to equity thro…
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In this episode, David and Ruth speak with Dr. Annie Donaldson about her groundbreaking research examining domestic abuse in Scotland's rural, remote and island communities. Dr. Donaldson, an honorary research fellow at the University of Strathclyde and longtime expert in gender-based violence, shares insights from interviews with survivors and pro…
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"Single mothers are essentially the unofficial reserve army of prevention agents in this country and around the world." - Jess Hill In this episode, David and Ruth speak with Australian experts Jess Hill and Professor Michael Salter about their groundbreaking paper challenging current approaches to preventing gender-based violence. With Australia's…
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In this episode, David and Ruth explore why coercive control must be at the center of how we understand the impact of domestic abuse on children. Moving beyond just focusing on physical violence or whether children "witnessed" abuse, they discuss how perpetrators' patterns of behavior can devastate children's wellbeing in multiple ways. David and R…
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In this thought-provoking first episode of 2025, David and Ruth explore how displacement-based responses to domestic violence reflect and reinforce gender double standards while often creating additional vulnerabilities for survivors and their children. Recording from the Azores, they examine how the expectation that victims must leave their homes …
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What if understanding power dynamics could transform the way we approach domestic abuse and trauma? Join us for this special live recording of the "Partner with a Survivor" podcast, where we invite you to explore the delicate intricacies of relationships alongside hosts David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo from the Safe and Together Institute. Ruth, know…
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What if the institutions we turn to for solace are also be the ones trapping us in cycles of harm? That's the challenging reality we confront in our latest episode featuring Reverend Geneece Goertzen, affectionately known as Rev. Gen. A survivor of domestic violence herself, Rev. Gen brings a deeply personal perspective to the table, sharing insigh…
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Unlock the secrets to supporting children affected by domestic abuse with insights from Dr. Asha Patel, CEO of Innovating Minds. In this episode, we explore innovative approaches like the Healing Together program, which integrates trauma-informed principles, neuroscience, and attachment models to help children manage their emotions. Dr. Patel share…
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📝 In this thought-provoking episode, we explore the nuanced intersection of father engagement and domestic abuse-informed practice with Chris Brown, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). Our conversation examines how we can thoughtfully promote father involvement while maintaining high standards for men as parents, disrupting gende…
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🔄 Transforming Professional Standards Join us from São Miguel, Azores, Ruth's paternal ancestral home, as we challenge conventional metrics of professionalism and explore how institutional practices, mandates, best practices often reinforce dangerous barriers between professionals and survivors of domestic abuse. We examine what true Partnership lo…
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In this episode, David & Ruth speak about the Myth of the Domestic Violence Incident chapter David's recently published book: "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform The Way We Keep Children Safe From Domestic Violence." They discuss how an isolated incident lens: Focuses systems interventions & professional responses on isolat…
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The recently published, groundbreaking, population-based study of child maltreatment in Australia found exposure to domestic violence is the most common form of maltreatment (39.6%). In this interview with Professor Daryl Higgins, one of the study’s chief investigators, David and Ruth discuss the domestic violence–specific results, including how th…
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Partnering with survivors is a sacred act. Listening to survivors, hearing their stories, and working with them as equals is uplifting for practitioners and their clients. In this episode of Partnered With a Survivor, David and Ruth speak with Beth Ann Morhardt, one of the first domestic violence consultants trained in the Safe & Together Model, ab…
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In this episode of Partnered with A Survivor, David & Ruth have an intimate discussion about how we can be emotionally & behaviorally responsible even when we have been trained into fear & reactivity through violence & abuse. David and Ruth discuss: How we need to drop binary definitions in order to prevent abusers from using their history of traum…
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Discover the hard truths about the impact of domestic violence on children as David and Ruth discuss the "Myth of the Child Witness" chapter from David's book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. By listening to this episode, you'll come away with a deeper understanding an…
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In this episode, Ruth and David start with a round up of their March 2024 Safe & Together trip to Australia and New Zealand with highlights from the 7th annual Safe & Together Asia Pacific conference with it's focus on work with First Nation peoples, feedback from podcast listeners, and an update on how the Model is transforming the Federal Circuit…
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Both men and women can be violent and controlling. In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, Ruth and David speak with international expert Lisa Young Larance about her research and clinical practice related to women’s use of force in intimate relationships. In the conversation, Lisa highlights the importance of context and intersectionalities …
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Sexual and domestic violence in the military challenges recruitment, retention, team cohesion, operational readiness, security and organizational health. Yet, most militaries around the world are still struggling to effectively address these problems. Gaps in the response harm military families, and allow the destruction of the careers and health o…
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Historically research hasn’t always involved or benefited the population being studied. Dr. Elizabeth Dalgarno, the Director, and Founder of the SHERA Research Group is staunch advocate of research that is undertaken by and with the people it concerns rather than “on” them. In this far-ranging interview, Ruth, David, and Dr Dalgarno discuss: SHERA’…
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Domestic violence represent 27% of workplace violent events 1 in 5 victims take time off from work due to abuse 20% of victims of domestic abuse had taken off month or more in prior year 56% arrived late at least 5x/month 53% missed at least 3 days of work/month 65% of companies do not have domestic violence policy (SHRM) These statistics only repr…
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Are children domestic violence victims in their own right? Are they co-victims with the adult survivor? What is the relationship between the child and the adult survivors’ experiences? How do we hold domestic violence perpetrators accountable in their role as parents? How do we consider the child’s relationship to the perpetrator in decisions relat…
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The problem of dating violence and coercive control among young people has been sorely overlooked, and educational resources are hard to find...until now! In order make coercive control visible to youth & to fill a gap in professional education materials & intervention strategies for young people, we have partnered with the revolutionary new abuse …
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In this episode, Ruth & David speak with Lisa & Jack Bulman of Mibbinbah Spirit Healing about their work in community to facilitate healing from intergenerational trauma, support healthy relationship connections and strengthen the wellbeing of Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander men and families. Mibbinbah uses a “whole of communities” approach whi…
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In this episode, David & Ruth talk about why the Safe & Together Institute focuses on survivor protective capacities and some of the research behind this approach. While assessments of harm and risk, and trauma frameworks are important, these approaches highlight danger and pathologies. But these approaches, while necessary, are not sufficient enou…
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Survivors, who are professionals, can live in fear that if they share their experience in the workplace, they will be dismissed and disregarded. In this episode, Ruth & David speak with Nneka Mcgregor, founder & Executive Director of WomenattheentrE, about the need to transform our systems so that professionals who are survivors, can safely share t…
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There are few intervention programs for fathers who use violence as part of their parenting. In this episode, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the work that needs to happen with violent fathers with Dr. Katreena Scott, the co-creator of the Caring Dads program. In this interview, David Ruth and Katreena speak about The importance of intervening w…
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Professionals working in domestic violence and related fields are not immune from being abused by their partner. In fact, their role as a domestic violence or related professional can create some unique vulnerabilities that perpetrators are willing and able to exploit as part of their efforts at control. In another episode in the series about pract…
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Strangulation attempts are a common element of domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors. Non-fatal strangulation has long been identified as a risk factor for domestic violence homicide. Less attention has been paid to the short, medium and long term effects of non-fatal strangulation on survivor functioning and well-being. In this int…
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Listening to the voice of lived experience experts, AKA survivors of all forms of abuse and neglect, is becoming more and more a part of the domestic violence-informed professional landscape. At the same time, self-disclosure, in professional spaces, of being an abuse survivor can be a fraught for some practitioners. It can be associated with fears…
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Working with domestic violence means professionals come into contact daily with complex & challenging trauma. Beyond the complexity involved with working toward the safety of the family, working with domestic violence survivors often confronts professionals with their own prior experiences of abuse and trauma. Partnering with survivors using the Sa…
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When we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added - violence and danger - instead of what is taken away (safety, self determination, quality of life), we fail at naming some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about what survivors' often "lose"…
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Toxic Trio. Triple Play. Trifecta. All over the globe, professionals working with families have shorthand jargon that reflects the prevalence of the complex mixture of issues that many families experience. Unfortunately, these phrases do not usually enhance the ability to partner with survivors or intervene with perpetrators. In this episode, David…
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Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?” or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.” These victim blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors and holding perpetrators acco…
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With upsetting frequency, the news will report a story of a child murdered by their mother’s partner. Sometimes this murder happens in the context of separation. Other times it is part of perpetrators' overall pattern of violence toward multiple family members. Unfortunately, dramatic homicides only tell part of the story. There are strong correlat…
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In this episode, David & Ruth discuss with Dr. Emma Katz in her new book, “Coercive Control in Children’s and Mother’s Lives.” Dr. Katz shares the story behind the development of this groundbreaking book, where she shares her learnings from interviews with 15 groups of mothers and their children. In this far ranging conversation, David, Ruth and Dr…
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In this episode, David & Ruth continue their series on reproductive coercion as part of the cycle of intimate partner violence with an interview with Dr. Heather McCauley from the Michigan Consortium on Gender Based Violence MSU. Dr. McCauley discusses the newest research on reproductive coercion, the correlations to intimate partner violence, unwa…
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Too often, conversations about domestic violence define survivors as "passive trauma survivors" with the emphasis on the negative mental health and addiction consequences of the perpetrators' patterns of behavior. And while these impacts are real, they only tell part of the story. On a daily basis, survivors engage in small and large acts of resist…
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