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Ep. 30 - When Improving Yourself Makes It Worse: The Narcissistic Exception with Larry Bilotta
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Marriage expert Larry Bilotta transformed 27 years of miserable marriage and now teaches that one person can change a relationship by raising their vibration. His "Matrix of Marriage" approach has helped countless men and women.
But what happens when that advice meets narcissistic abuse?
In this tense and fascinating conversation, I challenge a dangerous blind spot in Larry's approach: When you're dealing with a narcissist, improving yourself doesn't inspire them—it triggers them to destroy you. The moment they sense you're happy or growing, they wage war.
Larry's response to my concerns? "Let's not apply labels to people."
I pushed back: I'm not labeling to be cruel. I'm identifying patterns to protect people. Narcissistic abuse is real and clinically recognized. Refusing to name it keeps victims trapped and blaming themselves.
We also clashed on his dismissal of empathic and intuitive gifts—the ability to sense others' energy. For someone who teaches about vibration, denying intuition creates a glaring inconsistency.
In this episode:
- How childhood programming shapes relationships
- The power (and limits) of energy work in marriage
- Why "raise your vibration" advice can be dangerous for abuse victims
- The importance of naming narcissistic patterns
- Larry's refusal to acknowledge empathic abilities
- Where we agreed to disagree
If you've told to "just work on yourself" while in a toxic relationship, this episode is for you. Not all relationships can be saved—and recognizing that isn't failure, it's wisdom.
We agreed to disagree. Now you decide what resonates with your truth.
Join the Transcending Trauma: The Spiritual Odyssey private Facebook group - https://facebook.com/groups/668263819676045
Contact Larry on his website https://youcansavethismarriage.com/ or on social media -
Contact Shari on her website https://shariroberts.org/contact-us or on social media -
YouTube (Video and audio episodes available here)
Connect with Shari:
All show links - Plus available on all major podcast platforms.
https://open.spotify.com/show/04tAzvkdzB7cHHVKtipv27
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transcending-trauma-the-spiritual-odyssey/id1808753390
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