NVC in Real Life with Hans van Veen

The Stoic Handbook with Jon Brooks

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8d ago 1:24:12

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If “be nicer” hasn’t fixed your toughest conversations, try Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in the wild. Coach Hans Nav Neev shows how to turn trigger moments into clarity, how to stop taking things personally, and why conflict—done well—becomes a portal to connection.

What you’ll learn

The OFNR model (Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests) that actually de-fogs conflict
Jackal vs. Giraffe ears: hearing judgments vs. hearing needs
The guilt process (“the art of being torn”) to end inner civil wars
Enemy images and how to dissolve them
When to set boundaries (and use protective force)
Bridging NVC with BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) for high‑conflict exchanges

Timestamps

00:00 Cold open, intentions, how we’ll talk
02:40 What NVC is: surface techniques vs. deep worldview
05:40 Taking things less personally; the guilt process
08:10 Inner work vs. changing the world
10:05 The OFNR model explained (Observations–Feelings–Needs–Requests)
13:15 Practicing OFNR + the floor exercise
14:50 Hardest skill: observations without interpretations (Krishnamurti)
16:20 Anger = story about the event (not the event)
18:30 Jackal vs. Giraffe ears (with props)
21:20 Chronic “jackal mode,” boundaries, and dignity
24:40 Needs, requests, and withdrawing from harmful dynamics
26:30 Needs vs. rationalizations; congruence
28:00 Language: “need” vs. “value/prefer”; needs as “frequencies”
31:10 Family impact, social ripple of communication
33:20 Trusting conflict; repair vs. rug-sweeping
35:20 Intergenerational trauma; “enemy images”
39:10 Avoiding the “obnoxious giraffe” (NVC police)
41:30 Stoicism link: embody, don’t preach
44:10 External validation; “seeds grow in the dark”
45:50 Where NVC applies; protective use of force
49:10 BIFF for high-conflict exchanges; bridging to NVC
53:20 Filtering vs. entrenched relationships
56:20 “Warm bath of empathy” and relationship risks
59:30 Practice in low‑stakes settings first
1:02:00 Resources and Insight Timer courses
1:04:30 Two mantras: it’s never personal; guess the need
1:06:40 Empathic guessing as a question (not a label)
1:08:50 Measuring progress; conflict may rise first
1:10:00 Positive gossip; humility as embodiment
1:15:20 Self-image, overcorrection, and growth
1:18:50 Vulnerability as success
1:21:40 Beginner’s mind in communication
1:24:10 Sensitivity with equanimity
1:25:06 Rosenberg’s “tragic expression”; the third compassionate voice
1:27:20 Metta vs. Tonglen; Michael Taft guidance
1:30:27 Wrap-up, thanks, next steps
Guest:
Hans Nav Neev — NVC coach and Insight Timer teacher with practical courses and tracks.

Insight Timer (teacher page)

https://insighttimer.com/hansvanv1

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/nondualcommunication/

Website (bio + offerings)

https://www.nondualcommunication.net/bio

Host:
Jon Brooks — The Stoic Handbook (stoicism + practical tools).
• Site: https://stoichandbook.co
• Newsletter (Nous): nous.xyz • YouTube: youtube.com/jonbrooks

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