Episode: Meeting Children Where They Are: Neuro-distinct Needs, School Stress & Strengths-Based Parenting Guest: Dr. John Sharry — social worker & psychotherapist; Clinical Director, Parents Plus; Adjunct Professor (UCD School of Psychology); Irish Times parenting columnist; author of 25+ books including Positive Parenting series; developer of the Parents Plus ADHD Children's Programme.

John Sharry explains why "diagnosis" frames neurodivergence as disorder, and offers a discovery-led, strengths-based approach. He maps common school attendance difficulties to unmet sensory, autonomy, and safety needs; shows how coercion backfires; and outlines practical, bespoke accommodations that reduce distress and rebuild connection. The conversation closes with how parents can support at home without punishment, and where to find further training.

• Swap diagnosis for discovery: identify profiles, needs, contexts; use labels only when they help action.

• School refusal is often protective behavior. Start with curiosity, validation, and co-design a path back.

• Autonomy beats coercion: offer choices (time, route, uniform flexibility, blended days).

• Watch for hidden stress: kids who "cope" at school often decompress explosively at home. Plan buffers.

• Punitive removal of "pleasures" (tech, etc.) doesn't fix a nervous system problem. Create safety first.

• Expect bespoke solutions: late arrival, shorter days, quiet entry, preferred clothing, interest-based engagement.

• Parents need connection > control: "I'm on your side; we'll figure this out together."

• 00:00–02:10 — Intro; role clarification; John's background.

• 02:10–06:30 — Why the word "diagnosis" is problematic; discovery/identity framing.

• 06:30–09:20 — Labels as tools vs. constraints; PDA framed as high-autonomy profile.

• 09:20–13:30 — Systems vs. child needs; uniform/sensory examples; empathy for "small" big things.

• 13:30–16:30 — Autonomy in micro-choices; involving the child in decisions.

• 16:30–21:50 — Media panic about "exposure" and "always/never"; pause, validate, de-escalate; avoid coercion trauma.

• 21:50–27:30 — Practical accommodations: late arrival, shorter days, blended learning; validate co-occurring health issues (pain, fatigue, hypermobility/EDS).

• 27:30–34:50 — "Fine at school, meltdown at home": white-knuckling, after-school buffer, reduce demands on arrival, earlier check-ins.

• 34:50–36:30 — Many thrive in school; aim is fit, not force.

• 36:30–41:00 — Why punishment and device bans don't work; build safety and relationship first.

• 41:00–50:00 — Tech hiccups, wrap-up; parent courses; upcoming workshops.

• Parents Plus — evidence-based parenting programmes.

• SolutionTalk.ie — John Sharry's workshops (Parenting Exceptional Children; Motivating a Child with ADHD & Anxiety).

• ADHD Ireland — UMAP (Understanding & Managing Adult ADHD Programme).

• ASRS — Adult ADHD Self-Report Screener.

• Book: The Power of Small — Aisling & Trish Leonard-Curtin (values, toward/away moves, ACT skills).

• Validate first: "You must have a good reason school feels unsafe. Tell me what's happening for you."

• Autonomy offer: "Two options: arrive at 9:30 when it's quiet, or do first class from home and go in at break."

• After-school buffer: "No instructions for 30 minutes; snack + quiet time before any requests."

• "Start with discovery, not diagnosis."

• "If a child is 'fine' at school and explodes at home, they were coping beyond capacity."

• "Coercion creates trauma; autonomy creates engagement."

Host: Michele Van Valey Producer: Ian Lawton Guest: Dr. John Sharry Recorded remotely; segment completed via phone due to connectivity issues.

• Add links for Parents Plus, SolutionTalk.ie, ADHD Ireland/UMAP, ASRS, The Power of Small in the episode description.

• Tag: neurodivergent parenting, school attendance anxiety, PDA profiles, ACT-informed supports.