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B10 The Shame and Anger Cycle Is Destroying American Men
Manage episode 509946233 series 3663852
The shame–anger cycle breaks men—and it breaks our relationships.
I’ve lived it myself. Even as a clinician with 10 years of experience, I’ve let this cycle destroy relationships, including my marriage. Shame tells us to swallow our needs, to stay small, to “be strong” and never burden anyone. But when we push it down long enough, anger steps in as the bouncer—forcing the conversation in all the worst ways.
In this episode, I share:
- How shame silently fuels anger
- Why provider expectations make the cycle worse
- The way sharing breaks the loop and opens connection
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck—ashamed, then angry, then even more ashamed—you’re not alone. This isn’t just about individual men; it’s about how American masculinity taught us to suffer in silence.
This conversation was inspired in part by Mark Manson’s Unsolved podcast, but also by years of clinical practice and my own failures. My hope is simple: that you’ll see yourself here, and that you’ll take one step toward breaking the cycle this week.
🎙️ American Masculinity Podcast — honest conversations on men’s mental health, relationships, and what it means to be a man today. Hosted by Tim Wienecke, psychotherapist, veteran, and men’s advocate.
Chapters:
0:00 - The Shame and Anger Cycle
0:50 - Why We Don't Share Our Needs
1:20 - When Anger Becomes Your Bouncer
2:00 - The Provider Trap in American Masculinity
2:40 - How Shame Was Meant to Work
3:10 - Breaking the Cycle This Week
3:40 - Join the Conversation
Solved Episode on Shame:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-let-go-of-your-shame/id1247526593?i=1000724349667
The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.
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