Elaine Lin Hering is a globally recognized facilitator, writer, and speaker who has worked on six continents, helping people and organizations develop the skills we often lack: effective communication, collaboration, and conflict resolution. She has taught executive education at Harvard, Dartmouth, Berkeley, and UCLA, and has even served as the Advanced Training Director for the Harvard Mediation Program.

Elaine’s book, Unlearning Silence, feels especially urgent for our community. Too often, women, and especially women of color, are told that the solution is to “speak up.” But as Elaine shows us, silence isn’t a personal failing. It’s something we’re taught by families, cultures, workplaces, and systems that punish us when we use our voices.

In this conversation, Elaine and I discuss how silence impacts our health, leadership, and relationships, and how we can begin to unlearn it. Because when we do, we create space for lives that are more fulfilling, more just, and more free.

In this episode

• The real diagnosis: Why “just speak up” misses the point and how silence is learned, rewarded, and punished.
• Identity: How gender, race, ability, and intersectionality affect who is heard (and who isn’t).
• Health care power dynamics: What happens when providers minimize symptoms and concrete ways to reclaim agency (second opinions, switching doctors, bringing allies, better documentation).
• From window dressing to impact: The difference between being “at the table” and being listened to, plus what leaders must change.
• Designing for listening: Practical ways teams can reduce systemic silencing (better meeting design, multiple channels for input, closing the feedback loop).
• Micro-reps for courage: Safe, low-risk experiments to strengthen your “speak-up” muscle (time-bound trials, low-stakes preferences, scripts).
• Legacy work: Breaking generational silence and building relationships that can repair, not just endure.

The Pain Gap

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@elainelinhering on IG

Elaine's Website

To learn more about Anushay Hossain's work, check out Anushay's website or sign up for her substack. To continue the conversation, feel free to DM @anushayhossain or email me at [email protected]