What happens when your own mind becomes your greatest fear? When intrusive thoughts flood in that feel completely alien to who you really are? In this intimate conversation, writer Pinar Tarhan takes us deep into her experience with Pure Harm OCD – a misunderstood subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder characterized not by handwashing or organization, but by terrifying unwanted thoughts.
Pinar describes the journey from her initial diagnosis at age 19, when disturbing thoughts about harming herself and others left her convinced she was "going mad." She walks us through the frightening early days when she worried she might be "the worst scum humanity had ever seen" simply because of the thoughts in her head. What makes her story particularly compelling is how it challenges popular misconceptions about OCD and mental illness broadly – including the harmful belief that you need severe trauma to legitimately suffer from mental health issues.
Through persistence and several false starts, Pinar eventually found the right psychiatrist who recognized her condition and provided effective treatment. Her recovery path combined medication, therapy, and developing strong personal boundaries. She also speaks candidly about navigating mental health challenges within Turkish culture, which she describes as "a weird melting pot" where finding people who share her individualistic values proved difficult but essential.
Most powerfully, Pinar reveals her transformation from someone terrified of her own mind to someone who now manages her symptoms so effectively that friends joke about whether she even has OCD anymore. While acknowledging that recovery isn't linear and that certain triggers can still cause temporary setbacks, she demonstrates that living well with mental illness is absolutely possible.
Listen to discover how Pinar turned her painful experience into purpose by sharing her story, potentially helping countless others who might recognize themselves in her words. Her journey reminds us that healing comes in many forms – sometimes through medication, sometimes through connection, and sometimes through the simple power of knowing you aren't alone.

https://oc87recoverydiaries.org/