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Have we been approaching education all wrong? In this mind-shifting conversation with renowned developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld, we explore the invisible but essential foundation of all learning: relationship.
As another school year begins, Dr. Neufeld challenges educators to recognize their primary role as "attachment agents" rather than just instructors. The modern educational system often separates children from their natural "villages of cascading care," creating an environment nature never intended. When this happens, our first responsibility is to help children maintain connections with their primary caregivers while building secure attachments with us as teachers.
Most provocatively, Dr. Neufeld argues that many of the competencies we're desperately trying to teach—empathy, self-regulation, resilience—cannot actually be taught at all. "We're teaching what can't be taught," he observes. "We can only teach children to perform." These qualities emerge naturally when children feel secure in their attachments and experience genuine playfulness.
And here's where Dr. Neufeld's wisdom becomes truly transformative: he distinguishes between structured "play activities" and true playfulness. When the brain enters the play drive (as opposed to attachment or achievement drives), learning is optimized, creativity flourishes, and even sensory processing improves. This has profound implications for how we approach education, particularly for children with attention or sensory challenges.
Twenty years after publishing his landmark book "Hold On to Your Kids," Dr. Neufeld's message remains more urgent than ever. In our digital age, where screens and social media compete for children's attention and attachment, educators must "retreat to the basics" rather than pushing harder with more structured learning.
Ready to transform your approach to teaching and child development? Listen now to discover how prioritizing attachment and playfulness creates the optimal conditions for nature to do what it does best: grow children into their fullest potential.