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Some stories feel too heavy to carry alone. This one begins with a father who fought through years of fragile health, rallied longer than anyone expected, and then left quickly—leaving behind gratitude for the extra time and a grief that still doesn’t fit inside a single day. I open up about how it actually feels when anticipatory grief doesn’t soften the blow, how the brain keeps expecting a casual dinner plan, and why saying “I’m fine” too soon only delays the real work.
From there, the year widens: my partner’s father dying without warning, both of our grandmothers passing within days, and three close friends losing their last living parent. On top of that, I faced a derailed disability application, quitting jobs to protect my health, and the sting of interviews that went nowhere. We talk plainly about administrative grief—forms, calls, logistics—and how it compounds emotional strain. We also explore anxiety after loss, the urge to control the uncontrollable, and what it takes to reestablish safety in an ordinary day.
Amid the wreckage, there are anchors: an excellent therapist, a hilarious dog who accidentally saves the mood, and the decision to stop people-pleasing and ask, “What do I need from me today?” We look at practical self-care that isn’t performative—sleep, walks, boundaries, creative outlets—and the messy truth about money and time when healing becomes the priority. Hope shows up in small, solid ways: a local art fair on the calendar, a quiet morning with coffee, the relief of telling the truth without polishing it first. If you’ve ever had a year that felt like too much, this conversation offers language, company, and a path that moves with grief rather than away from it.
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Nickie's book! "Things I'm Thinking About; A Daughter's Thoughts on the Loss of Her Mom" https://www.amazon.com/Things-Im-Thinking-About-daughters/dp/165731958X

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