Humankind may be the top of the food chain, but that chain still binds us. As mortals, we still must eat. We must eat, like, all the time. Eons ago, our ancestors could just pluck an herbivore out of the flock and munch away, but these days food can be scarce. Sometimes we must trek as far as three or four blocks away to find a suitable meal. Until the App Store, that is! Now, right from the convenience of our phone, we can send our local money all the way across the country to Silicon Valley to have them phone in an order at our local burger shop for us! At the touch of a button, and an hour or so later – fumigated in the tobacco and body odors of a 2003 Honda Civic – soggy, room-temperature food appears as if out of nowhere! Slap on a bib with Mat and Veronique as we shell out some extra gratuity for this marvelous service of Food Delivery Apps!

*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.

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