A comedic grumbling of mundane trivialities. Mat Labotka and Veronique Hurley grumble through life’s little pet peeves. Do you hate gum? Have you ever thought about it? You probably hate gum without even realizing it. Follow Mat’s absurd infuriation down the rabbit-hole into frustration, while Veronique’s buoyant optimism keeps us afloat… of the Grumble Goat.
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Mat Labotka Podcasts
Veronique’s favorite Christmas episode is returning to brighten your Holiday Season! One of the many joyous traditions practiced in this Holiday Season is the exchanging of gifts. Gifts, ultimately, are just things – maybe toys, maybe socks, maybe a Red Ryder Range 200 Shot BB Gun. What makes a gift magical is that it comes wrapped. You are handed …
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There is something deeply elemental about doors. Something lurks in our minds, possibly from our days living in caves, that profoundly impacts the way humankind’s subconscious reacts to doorways. ‘Opening Doors’ is metaphorically equivalent to obtaining opportunities. What prizes await behind Door Number Two? ‘Making an Entrance’ is to become the c…
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In this futuristic age, it is easy to forget that we are mortal. Humanity has become nearly all-powerful… we can summon the visage of someone in another realm on our magic mirrors regardless the distance; we can portend the future through the crystal ball of our Accuweather Apps; and we can séance the guidance of the non-living through Grok. But we…
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As Autumn sets in once again, humanity must face the eternal questions of decay that haunt the bare branches and long shadows of Hallow’s Eve. Life is full of Grumbles, as this podcast attests; but so then is the ever-present awareness of mortality. As the spiritual veil pulls back, now is the time to question that infinite darkness of the beyond. …
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The meaning of life is a question that has plagued philosophers since the dawn of time. Some say love, or laughter, maybe presence of mind, even the number 42 may hold the answer; but the question persists. Except in a scientific sense. The whole purpose of life in a scientific sense is to procreate. The proliferation of life is the purpose of life…
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Music is a fundamental element to humankind’s soul. Before spoken language, there was music. Our bodies have circadian rhythms and heart beats, but also our nature calls us to tap and clap. Drums call us to dance and horns summon us to war. We sing to our babies and we sing to our gods. We fife our revolutions and we Dance Dance Revolution. The mel…
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In humankinds modern, late-stage-capitalistic world, one of the most celebrated luxuries is Flavor. Chefs and Sommeliers are world renowned celebrities. The spicy Scoville-covered-chicken enhanced interrogations called ‘Hot Ones’ is not only legal under the Geneva Conventions, but popular entertainment. For thousands of years, salt, spices, teas, a…
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In a more Enlightened Age, humankind’s fundamental, inalienable rights were simmered down to Life, Liberty, and Property. Nine tenths of the law revolves around Possession. We treat material ownership with divine reverence. But just because someone owns something, doesn’t mean they know where it is. When we encounter an object bereft of its owner, …
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Humankind does not have fur. Somewhere along the Darwinian path, it became advantageous to free ourselves of this coat and instead weave our own, seasonal wardrobe. Since then, clothing has become very much a part of our self-identity. We wear clothes based on weather, occasion, occupation, and fashion; but never would we leave the house without so…
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The Earth sources all of its energy from the Sun. The Sun heats the Earth, allowing for liquid water, which it then evaporates, giving us atmosphere and fresh water. It feeds the plants and it dries our laundry. But it is also a poison to us. It is not only vampires and trolls that must shield themselves from its furious light, but we mortal humans…
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Humankind may be the top of the food chain, but that chain still binds us. As mortals, we still must eat. We must eat, like, all the time. Eons ago, our ancestors could just pluck an herbivore out of the flock and munch away, but these days food can be scarce. Sometimes we must trek as far as three or four blocks away to find a suitable meal. Until…
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The modern household is a wonder of technological efficiency. We have machines that perform mundane tasks to alleviate those stresses from our busy lives. Washing clothes used to take us all the way to the river for half a day, but not with modern machinery! Just permanent press those yoga pants at the touch of a button! Brushing out the carpet? No…
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It is a fast paced-world we live in. Every great leap in technology is designed to make life easier: the printing press copies books for us, the cotton-gin picks seeds for us, the computer does all of our computing, and A.I. does all of our marketing and research. So why aren’t we all sitting on the beach? Ironically, all of these advancements have…
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Safety first. Nothing is more important than your health and safety. Especially when traveling. So when we drive, we wear our seatbelts; and when we fly, we pose for full-frontal nude X-ray photographs for the federal agents that confiscate all of our belongings to search in a totally reasonable seizure of our rights. Because safety. We can’t outla…
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In the near future, the robots are winning the war against humans. Any human action taken outside of acceptable drone-performance is swiftly punished. Labor is rewarded with an hourly stipend for feed and shelter. Any human luxuries, like soap or floss, are locked behind plexiglass, to be distributed as tokens of good behavior. The tariff wars will…
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We don’t have a fresh Grumble this week, but it may be time to revisit the topic of ‘Hating Taxes.’ It seems that our government has been taken over by a shadowy, robed cabal of unelected, out-of-touch oligarchs who Hate Taxes. There are few things as universally reviled in this world as the repugnant idea of taxes. The image of the tax-collector i…
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Descartes argues that the only thing I can be sure of with certainty is that my consciousness exists. Everything else is built on trust. We take for granted that we know everyone in our lives exists and our relation to them is built on foundations of truth. Except for one day a year. There is a day in the calendar that puts us in a Truman Show of o…
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In Humankind’s humbler beginnings, news and rumor were slow to travel. A merchant ship might dock and bring word from other parts of the world. Stories might be embellished over time, Xerxes might be forty feet tall and surrounded by cyclops, Rhodes might have a colossus, Pharaohs might have mummy issues. The village idiot may be spreading rumors o…
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Humankind’s origins were a brutal quest for survival. Hunting for food and fighting prey with simple tools was tiring work. And what was the reward for it? Bloody flesh for a meal. Sweets were a very rare treat. Every once in a while our ancestors might risk some bee stings to get a taste of that sweet honey. But now, sugar is in everything. The fa…
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Humans are very small, in the Grand Schematics of Things. Large things have a gravitational force. Large things have very much matter. The Sun controls the spinning of the Earth, the seasons, the day and night. Small things, like humans, don’t have much control over the rotation of the Earth. But we have developed a way for small men to become larg…
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It’s that special time of year, again. Not Groundhogs Day, groundhogs celebrate their love all year long. No, I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. It’s a day to celebrate that special someone in your life: your partner, your companion, the person you rely on every day of the year, the person you confide your every thought and wish upon; this is the d…
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Welcome to the second non-annual G.O.A.T. Awards! Awards season is upon us, and just like the Hollywood elite, the content creators at Grumble Goat also need constant positive reinforcement. Enjoy your favorite moments from Grumble Goats past while the Sorting Top Hat of Randomness dictates the winners and losers. Applaud Mat and Veronique as we sh…
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The very foundation of Human Civilization is the ability to work together. Cooperation amongst humans has created cities, global networks, space exploration, and crypto-mining. Yet one of the most historically decisive forms of collaboration is war. The way we relax on Sunday afternoons is to watch goliaths slaughter one another on the gridiron. We…
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All of humanity has one fundamental commonality, one critical similarity that both binds us as single species and also uniquely individualizes us… We are born. Every single one of us goes through the arduous ordeal, but the date of our birth distinguishes us. For millennia, we have looked to the stars to dictate the constellations that define us, o…
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Christmastime has returned to America! Our favorite holiday celebrating the rampant consumerism and fourth-quarterly profits has finally come again and it is time to please our great Lord on High: the GDP! While having come a long way from its quaint beginnings, the birth of an impoverished stable-boy, the media would still have us believe it has a…
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Humankind is a herd species. We clump together. So within these clumps of people, self-expression becomes important to maintaining our individuality. Fashion – what we wear – has always been central to how we express who we are. But the modern era of Social Media has moved our core self-identities online. We now can pick and choose who can glimpse …
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Who are we? What do we want and what is our purpose? Discovering humanity begins in childhood. Society has a plethora of fairy tales and legends that show humankind’s greatest ambitions. We teach our children all of our most idealistic aspirations. We can glean from these myths a vision of heroes that protect the innocent, fight for peace, put an e…
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Being human is to err. The Master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried. To achieve greatness, one must work through endless suffering in order mold oneself into a vessel for perfection. The Gurus have toiled through a lifetime of sacrifice and agony to become something grander than merely mortal. But even they have been guilty of …
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Once again the leaves wallow from the trees. Darkness encroaches. There are shadows of things creeping in the night. Even in your own home, you are not safe from the monsters prowling in the dim recesses. There are many frightening mascots for the haunting, harvest season. There are bats, there are spiders, there are owls, there are many ghouls in …
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Humankind is the Apex predator on this planet, but we are not alone. Humanity has a best friend, a companion species in the Animal Kingdom. We have developed a symbiotic relationship with a loyal, faithful, and joyful partner in this entropic, mortal coil. Over generations and millennia we have come together in our homes and in our families, buildi…
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All of Humankind is akin, from the earliest cave-dwellers to the astronauts floating in space stranded by Boeing, we are all united in the ethereal, unconscious nether of sleep. No matter the microprocessor speed of our daily lives, we all are bound to the mortal coil of comatose slumber. While we now live in a world of scientific knowledge, our an…
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Agriculture is, of course, how we grow our food, but it is also humanity’s most fundamental connection to the Earth. The bountiful nutrients and minerals of Earth’s rich soils are unlocked by vegetation’s burrowing roots. And the different sediments of Earth’s many environments produce specific thriving flavors native to certain places: the grapes …
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Evolution forges animals in a chaotic gauntlet of carnage and slaughter. Like a gladiatorial arena, only the strongest and fittest can survive the tumult. Eons of desperate hunting, killing, and fighting between species has born out to create the single-elimination food web that governs all living things. Until Humankind. The human has outclassed a…
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Welcome to the Information Age! If you’re still reading this then you are already behind, because the information is flowing faster than it can be consumed. It is impossible to stay current in the flowing rapids of content being streamed through the intertubes of the Now! And just like a river’s current, money churns mercilessly through the hydroel…
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Humankind is a collaborative species, and the key to collaboration is communication. From the first spoken language, to the advent of the Ricola horn, to flag waving semaphore, straight on to the Walkie Talkie, communication has improved incalculably. Until the telephone. From the first phone call, it seemed a promising development, but the second …
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The Earth has been dominated by different dynasties throughout the eons. The Primordial Earth was governed by the amoeba, the Jurassic Earth was conquered by the dinosaur, the Common Era was managed by Humankind, and now is the Age of the Automobile. These mammoth beasts have evolved into Range Rovers that have decimated the habitats that Humans on…
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Humankind may be the ordained alpha of the Earth, but we are not free of the Circle of Life. Our mortality forces the generational hierarchy that all life must follow. The elders pass on the wisdom to the young, and then pass the torch of the tribe along and trust that this ancient wisdom will continue. Yet, is human legacy not disruption? We have …
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The human body is a remarkable machine. It can be trained and shaped to extraordinary measures. The body builder grows the muscular structure to show off the strength of the gods. The gymnast contorts the body into awe-inspiring flexibility. The marathon runner hones themselves into a lean instrument of graceful endurance. And then there is the wor…
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Summer in America is a magnificent smorgasbord of all things wonderfully Americana. Barbeques take place on our green lawns with our white picket fences. Roller-coasters and water-slides ricket the airs of our amusement parks. The Swifties Taylor and Ladies Gaga rock our sock hops while fireworks burst in the air. And while the apple pie cools on t…
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Father time is the master of all life. Seasons change, the universe descends into chaos, and all life has a limited moment in the complex system of entropy. Humanity has obsessed about time to the point that we calculate the transitive frequencies of the invisible building blocks of matter itself with an atomic clock. Every aspect of our society is…
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Globalization is the climactic culmination of the evolution of Human Civilization. The modern era of connectivity is possible because we work together. Teamwork makes the dream work. Instead of each of us hunting and gathering, people can specialize in different expertise, because some will grow food, and some will cultivate technology. And sometim…
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Humankind is the pinnacle of evolutionary advantage. We have conquered the planet, we have mapped the stars, we have trapped electricity in a global network of wires to create a virtual universe. The incredible intelligence of us mere mortals has put us in the realm of the gods! But we are mortal. And we fart. These pesky, weak horcruxes that our s…
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A podcaster sits at a computer to write an episode blurb. He stares out the window. Writing holds little interest at the moment, but his fingers dapple at the keys. Each tippity tap of the keys creates a symbol on the screen. Strings of these delicate hashmarks create meaning through an agreed upon written language, but what do they convey in reali…
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In the modern era of high-paced, digital globalization, the only thing that hasn’t been relegated to binary data-points is the moist, fleshy hardware that keeps our meat brains warm. Money used to be made of metal, but now exists only as a couple flashes of electricity along a circuit board. Society used to be people meeting in public forums, but n…
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The era of Globalization has created a utopian society of plenty. Water comes right out of the walls and temperatures are controlled by a dial. The phone in your pocket can summon a stranger bringing food right to your front door. Unfortunately, our bodies were designed by the harsh realities of evolution in an era of survival long since conquered.…
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A shrill noise in the night invokes an immediate sense of danger. A horn calling out across a valley will rally the cavalry to prepare for war. A clanging bell at the town gate will rouse the inhabitants to a common threat. And a wailing siren of an ambulance will awaken everybody in a six block radius for absolutely nothing. The modern civilizatio…
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The end is nigh! The sun has been blighted and the Aztec calendar has ended! All of the eight prophesies have been fulfilled! The Infinity Stones have been collected and the White Walkers have taken the Wall! In our waning days of life on Earth, with TikTok and Tay-Tay, the only way to grab peoples’ attention is with the original way to grab people…
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Since the dawn of Humankind, we have had a proud tradition of Hunting and Gathering. While some still cling to the hunting of game, most of society has moved into the game of hunting for deals. Deals are a great way to save resources in order to Gather more things. Gathering is our way of keeping score in life. It has become our life’s goal to gath…
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The exchange of money for goods and services is the cornerstone of civilization. Goods have value, and money has value; and often, service has value. And America recognizes good service. We tip everyone. We recognize good service so hard that when we receive bad service we still tip for good service. Tipping is so ubiquitous in America that the tax…
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Humanity has a natural inclination toward gossip. It’s an instinctive need that we’re constantly up to date on what’s happening. Who is getting married? Who is fighting? What sensationalist embarrassment is the king going through? And in the modern age, we have the technology to beam gossip directly into our eyes from anywhere in the world, heck, e…
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