Hey — I’m so glad you’re here. I’m Natali B, an alcoholic, and this is my real, messy, hopeful story about how I went from wanting to die to waking up grateful. I got sober on August 4, 2021, and the Big Book and AA gave me a map out of a darkness I didn’t think I’d ever leave.

I used to live trapped in craving, shame, and a voice that told me the world was better without me in it. I tried to quit on my own so many times — white-knuckling, half-measures, even switching substances — and it only made the emptiness louder. What finally broke the cycle was admitting I was powerless, getting a sponsor, and actually working the steps out of the book that understood my condition.

The change wasn’t magic overnight — it was a slow, steady rewiring. I learned I’d been living in the bondage of self: demanding, resentful, always trying to direct the world to my liking. The steps taught me another way: pause, pray, reflect, and choose. That pause button? It’s everything. Now I can stop and ask, “How do I want to respond?” instead of exploding or numbing out.

Today my life looks similar on paper — same family, same job, same problems — but what’s different is how I meet them. The fights with my wife that used to end in screams don’t happen anymore. My relationships have depth I didn’t think I deserved. I’m learning to give instead of demanding, to serve instead of score, and to find usefulness in sponsoring others.

I’ll be honest: there were years when I didn’t drink and felt worse than ever — suicidal, demoralized — because I had only removed alcohol and not replaced it with a spiritual program that worked. That’s the gift of AA for me: a daily reprieve rooted in practicing spiritual principles, humility, and service. The program gave me a new way to live, not just an absence of drinking.

If you’re where I was — lonely, ashamed, convinced nothing can help — know this: there’s something that works for people like us. It won’t fix everything instantly, but it will teach you how to stay present, how to make amends, and how to connect. You don’t have to do it alone. I’m grateful every day that I stuck around long enough to find a life worth living.

A Shot Glass of Recovery

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