A Shot Glass of Recovery

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Curtis starts with a quote from our literature - This is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance. That principle is contempt prior to investigation. Good evening, everyone. My name is Curtis, and I'm a recovered alcoholic. it. First of all, I want to thank the Solution Seekers Group for inviting me here. It's really an honor and a Privilege anytime I'm invited to carry the message of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is not my message. This is the message of recovery, okay? And I quote a lot of things from the big book, okay? And if you don't like them, don't blame me. Blame the big book, okay? I had to open up a meeting with that quote, come from my spiritual experience, okay? Because that part about that contempt prior to investigation. That seemed to keep that contempt. It seemed to keep people drinking a lot longer around here than what they should be. Okay? Contempt prior to investigation. What was contempt to me? Well, before I came in here, I thought, you got to be crazy. I'm supposed to pattern my life after a New York stockbroker, butt doctor from Ohio? Come on, are you kidding? Fortunately, I was wrong, and I was glad I was wrong on that deal. Because since I've come in here and followed these directions, I haven't had a drink since May 31st, 1983. And that's by the grace of God. Okay? That's 42 years. In fact, I'll show you how I got here. My first drink was a beer. My last drink was a beer. Okay? Now, I know some of you are thinking, this guy has had two beers in life and ended up in AA. No, no. That's what it sounds like. I was 18 years old. I had my first drink. I stopped when I was, well, what, 37? I was sober 42 years. Now, for those of you slow into mathematics, I'll give you the answer. I'll be 82 in November. God willing, okay? And I know I look like I haven't had a drink in a day in my life, right? But anyway, that first drink I had, a beer. I was in the Army, okay? And it did something to me that I thought it did to everyone, okay? But I was wrong on that account. What it did to me, it just lit my world up. Wow! I mean the colors were beautiful. Life was good. I was at peace and comfort. You know, I enjoyed it. I thought it did that to everyone, but it doesn't. It only does To a few. The few that it does to, we seem to have a little trouble with it. Okay? You know i don't think my opinion okay i don't think social drinkers ought to drink you. Know what they know So little about it and they when you're drinking with them they say some of the weirdest things you know you're dating someone and. Say oh have another drink and I said something strange like no no thank you no. More for me These come on have a. Drink you know We're just getting started it. Then they say, no, no, no, I'm serious. No, I'm starting to feel it. You're starting to feel it. That's why you're drinking. To feel it. At least that's what I was drinking it for, to feel it. You know, the social drinkers, I think it's what's called alcohol abuse. Okay? When they just, what's called, family members, they open a can of beer, they drink about half of it oh then it's being served and get them poured into the sink oh my god that's alcohol abuse okay. Like i said i started drinking when i was 18. I drank just because everybody else in the army was saying they're doing and the government the army gave you opportunity to drink or smoke you know and they made prices so everybody can buy a drink okay i think the bill was i don't know 10 a 15 cent something like that okay and i went down to the nco club now from this office club and uh we would drink just about every day this was at fort dix new jersey, okay after i left for district jersey i went to fort benning georgia okay there i stayed uh two and a half years didn't get in too much trouble with my drinking but i did do a lot of drinking you know, what's wrong, this time I wasn't only drinking beer I was drinking a little harder some liquor, scotches, what not ok ok, After I did two and a half years, oh, by the way, I did six years in the Army. After I did two years before Benning, Georgia, they sent me to the land of beer, Germany. Okay? And that's where I really learned. My opinion is I think they got the best beer in the world. Now, one thing I didn't like at the time when I was over there, there was something called bed check. Now, wait a minute. I'm in a foreign country. I can defend the country. I can die for the country, but I got to be in bed at a certain time? No way. I go downtown and party and drink. And when I got ready to come back to camp, I came back. Okay. I got in trouble a few times for that. But that didn't stop me and didn't seem to be any problem. Okay. I stayed in Germany 15 months. Then I came back stateside and went to Oklahoma. Now, if there was a reason to drink, I think Oklahoma is it. Now, those of you from Oklahoma, there's nothing on you, okay, on your state. It's just the way I felt. You can see Lily there is from Oklahoma. So, I drank, I got in trouble, and just about every rank I had in the Army, I held it twice. You know, earn it back, lose the strike. Well, earn one back, lose the strike, and so forth. It went. I hope that I prayed and I did everything I thought I could do to get out of Oklahoma. Okay? Now, since coming to this program, I learned to be careful what you pray for, because you just might get it. And I got it. It sent me to Vietnam. Okay? Now, when I got there, I was still drinking and whatnot. I think one of the most foolish things I ever did in my life, you know, I had the wacky weed or marijuana one time. And you know what? I don't know what it does to you. Boy, it made me thirsty and made everything funny. You know what I'm getting shot at? Are you crazy? You know, my life is on the line here. That's the only time I ever tried that and no more. Okay? One time, one, and done, okay? So what have I to go? Oh, Vietnam. This is 1968, okay? When I came home from Vietnam, okay, I wasn't well appreciated or welcome when we got home. But that was the country, what they're doing. It's all about, you know, calling us baby killers and what we shouldn't have been there in the first place, just that and the other. No problem. Okay. After I got out of service, came back to New York, my hometown. Okay. And I took a test for the fire department, police department, the post office, everything that you could think of. And I don't know why, but the United States post office called me first. Now, when I got to the post office, I learned to drink, okay? And what I was doing all these years was foot dragging. But I learned to drink. Now, one reason I think is that they gave us so much time to deliver the mail. You couldn't, let's say, Deliver it in 40, 45 minutes and come back to the post office. If they gave them two hours to deliver their mail, you had two hours to deliver the mail. And you can't come back to the post office if you're two hours enough. So once I got really efficient on my route, I delivered the mail 45 minutes, 50 minutes, sometimes 60 minutes an hour. Then I had to go somewhere and sit down and kill an hour. And there's a bar near every post office in Manhattan that I know of. So I went there and I. Start drinking for an hour Okay my drink was catching up with me around the post office okay they were getting to look at me real funny they said the other but i didn't quit or anything like that what i mean i didn't get in trouble what i did do is quit i gave my letter carrier job for a job in the wall street area my god they drink down there in wall street okay, You know, the stock market and whatnot. Okay. I drank my way until my one and only was a hospital. It wasn't even rehab. It was Columbus Day. 1982. And I went to the hospital. And I went in there hobbling because of a swollen foot, of all things. And I told the doctor about my foot. And you just got in. He looked in my eyes. And he said, Mr. G, do you drink? I said, a little. But you see, I didn't tell him what happened, that I drink. I make my drinks at night. You know, I make my Bloody Marys because it's so much trouble to get up in the morning, run to the kitchen, get the vodka, get the tomato juice, put the hot sauce in it, put the hot pepper. It's too much trouble. So what you do is you make it the night before, sit it on your nightstand. That way when the clock goes off, you hit the alarm, have a drink, okay, go take a shower and get ready to go to work. And that seemed normal to me. I didn't tell him all that, okay? So now this doctor went and got another doctor. Who I think Was just as dumb as he was. I told him where my foot was. And he told me he took off my shirt. I took off my shirt and he took off my stomach and went, You know, and I told him I'd drink a little. But anyway, they kept me right on the spot. They kept me in the hospital. I was there 17 days. Yeah, 17 days. Okay? Now, during that 17 days, some people from A-N-A-N-A came to see me. Okay? I don't know why. One guy, he told me his name and he was an alcoholic. I said, yeah, you look like one. You know? I always got an amends to this day. I haven't never seen him since, okay? But anyway, I didn't join or anything like that. I didn't even take his advice. When I got out of the hospital in 82, from 82 to 1983, May, which I hope is my last drink, it was terrible. I was crawling around New York City on my hands and knees like, oh, you wouldn't believe, okay? I tried some controlled drinking, but if you're an alcoholic, my type, there's no such thing as controlled drinking. My book tells me we cannot control it and enjoy it at the same time. Enjoying it? If I wasn't enjoying it, it was because I had to go back to lunch. Okay, I was a secretary. Okay, I would take notes and letters and type things. Okay, I had to take a letter. Controlling it. We had one beer. Now, after work at 5 o'clock, when I'm over. At the bar, I'm not controlling it. I'm enjoying it. I'm throwing them down like you wouldn't believe. I can't control it and enjoy it at the exact same time, okay? So this brings me up to May 31st. You know I'll follow basketball if you do. This is the year the Philadelphia 76ers beat the Los Angeles Lakers, four games in a row. And when they, the 76ers, were celebrating in their locker room, I was celebrating in my living room. And I got as drunk as a human being could get. I was laying on the middle of my living room floor on my stomach. And I said my first heartfelt prayer in a long time. It was very simple. God help me. That was it. I don't think I Had a please to it. God helped me. That was it. And he did. Okay? Next morning, I called AA. And, you know, they're going to ask me some questions like when I called that number. AA, are you employed? Are you employable? Is your mom and daddy married? Are you still, do you have any brothers and sisters? What did they say to me? They said, can we send someone To help you? No. I'm saying that because I could not get my own doctor. You know, family doctor, to come to my house and make a house call. But yet, I called AA, and they don't know me from Adam's house cat. They said, we'll see if we can send someone to help you. I said, that won't be necessary. Then they told me a meeting in the area where I live, okay? And I went over there to this meeting, my first meeting. Another weird thing happened. There was a guy standing At the door and he said, welcome. Welcome? To me? That was odd. You know what? Because in the last days of my drinking, I would go to these bars and you go in there the next day and they said, you again? Didn't we tell you to get out? Stay out. Do you know what you did last night? But I come into an AA meeting and they say, welcome. If you're new or just coming back. Whoever you are, welcome. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Okay? Hold on to your seat For the ride of your life Okay We have a way here That you don't ever have to drink again, If you don't want to You want to That's your business Okay, Now Mind me When I came in here I don't know First time I went to an anniversary A guy had two years I nudged a guy next to me Two years without a drink of anything He said yeah, Wow I gotta make this guy my sponsor Okay? Which I did. And over the years, what happened? I outgrew him. Okay? And we split up on that because I am, quote, a big book guy. I like to read things in writing, okay? Now, if your sponsor told you to do something, please do it, okay? If it's working in your life, do it. If it doesn't work in my life, I'm not going to do it, okay? Now, I hear a lot of things around here that people say, well, yeah, you can work this program any way you want to. Huh, I don't know. Or maybe, there are many ways to work this program as there are people that's in it. No. The lady just read how it works. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed a path. Singular. One path. Okay, that's all we got. And all paths, I don't know what they, my mother's gonna tell me, you know, stop hanging around with them boys. They're gonna lead you down the wrong path. Okay. All paths lead somewhere. We have a path that leads you to what we call a spiritual awakening. That's our power. Once you have the spiritual awakening, living in the spiritual life, I guarantee you, you will never drink again. You know, I want to talk about when I came here. For those of you like me, I wasn't an alcoholic when I came here. Okay? I caught it when I got here. All right? It's an alcoholic. Maybe you didn't drink like I did. You didn't drink what I did. You didn't get in the trouble I did. You didn't do anything that I did. Okay. I was in the military. Maybe you was in the military. Maybe you were in the military. I was in a war. Maybe you was in a war. Okay. All this. What we're trying to identify with is how you drank, how you thought, and how you felt. Those three things. Okay. If you can identify with that, it makes you an alcoholic. Now, I hear people say, Why do you call yourself an alcoholic? Well, of course, the guy next to me said, you know, he's one. He drank like I did, so if he's one, I'm one. No. I had to go to the source to find out whether I am or am not an alcoholic, okay? So where'd that go? To the doctor. I mean, if I was sick, let's say my doctor told me something wrong with you. You got an irregular heartbeat. So Curtis, I'm going to send you to a specialist. This is where I want to go. If I was something wrong with my kidney, I was going to see a kidney specialist. This is where I want to go. I got a problem with drinking. I want to go to somebody with credentials. Now, in my book, you all know I love this. It's in the doctor's opinion. Okay? Now, just who is this guy and what is his credentials? Okay? The doctor's opinion starts on Roman numeral page XXV. My common school education told me that's page 25. Okay? XXV. And it says here, right when the doctor starts speaking, first of all, you see a big paragraph on that page for those with a book. Then you got a big space in there. Then this doctor Says what he writes. To whom we may concern. I have specialized in the treatment of alcoholism for many years. Aha! So the guy is a specialist. I think he Knows what he's talking about. I flip the page over. Now I'm a Roman over 27. He writes his second letter. See up there at the top, it says, the doctor writes, The substance presented in this book seems to me to be of paramount importance to those affected with alcoholic addiction. I say this after many years' experience as medical director. And, I mean, one of the oldest hospitals in the country treating alcohol and drug addiction. So he's a specialist. He's a medical director. I think he knows what he's talking about when it comes to alcoholism. Okay? I mean, if I was a woman and having a baby, I wouldn't go see this guy. I wouldn't. I wouldn't go see him. But if I think I got a problem with alcohol, I'm going to go see this specialist, this medical director. This is the guy I want to talk to. Now, I know that the only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. I want to say you are still welcome. For those of you Who are not alcoholists, you're here, you just might catch alcoholism like I did hanging around us, okay? But I know that there's only one requirement, a desire to stop drinking, and nobody's going to hold your foot to the fire on that, okay? So I got to find out, am I or am I not an alcoholic? If you find out that you're an alcoholic. That's fine. I got good news for you. I got a way you can stop drinking, for good and all. If you're not an alcoholic by reading this book, I got good news for you too. Just slow down when you're drinking. Okay? Just don't drink so much. We're not here to interfere with your drinking. We're here to offer a solution to those afflicted with alcoholism. Okay? Now, on page Roman No. 28, the doctor's opinion Now this is what the doctor says What happens to an alcoholic When the alcoholic, he or she takes Liquor into their body, okay It says, first paragraph We believe, and so suggested A few years ago That the action of alcohol On these chronic alcoholics On these chronic alcoholics Is a manifestation Of an allergy So like that, an allergy, In other words, you know what an allergy is? You're allergic to something. I'm quite sure everybody is allergic to something. I mean, oh, God, down here in Georgia, and in springtime, they got some pollen in the air, and everybody walking around here sneezing and blowing their nose and whatnot. Okay? Some people are allergic to chocolate. Some people are allergic to peanuts, okay? My oldest sister is allergic to cats. She can't walk in the room with cats. We're allergic to alcohol, okay? That's what it is. We have an allergy, okay? Now, the phenomenal praline, Which means if I take one, I got to have another. I don't know what the times, like when I say, hey, on a Friday, I want to miss the rush hour. So I'm going to go over to the bar and have one drink. Maybe two, maybe two. No more than two. Two meals, okay? Just so I can miss the rush hour. But when I get there, I start drinking. I can't tell you whether I have two or 22. Okay? That's called the phenomenal craving. I can't make up my mind to say, stop at three, stop at four. It's all the way for me. Visualize this. A domino knockdown. You know what that is? Like you put some dominoes in the back of one another. Five, 10, 15, 20 of them. I don't care. And all you do is just knock over one. One knocks over two. Two knocks over three. Three knocks over four. Four knocks over five. And you go, that's my drinking. Curtis, one is too many. And 1,000 is not enough. Now, it says, oh, the chronic alcohol is a massive allergy, that the phenomenal craving is limited to this class, only the alcoholics, and never occurs in the average champion drinker. Never. I told you when I started, like, drinking lady, y'all having dinner, cocktails or whatever, they quit on you. They don't have the allergy. So what you do is ask yourself, have this phenomenal craving in your life ever kicked in there on you? What? 21? The last year of your drinking. If you got the phenomenal craving, you're an alcoholic. That's not a criticism word. As a doctor, I'm going to mute it to you again, okay? Because some of you look at me like, huh? Okay. If you never got the phenomenal craving, you're not an alcoholic, please keep coming back to alcoholics anonymous. Okay, I mean that. Now, I'll mute it to you again. We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics, not on everybody, on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy, that the phenomenal craving is limited to this class and never, never, occurs in the average temperature drinker. So either you're an alcoholic or you're not. Okay? Either you're pregnant or you're not, okay? Right. You're an alcoholic or not. Now, these allergic types, Curtis, like you, but can never safely use alcohol in any form. Well, it didn't say I couldn't use it. It says I Can't safely use it. I mean, if I wanted to go out here right now, go to the nearest gas station, 7-Eleven, anything, or get a can up here. But can I safely use it? Add your own sobriety next to that, whether you've been sober two years, 22 years, or 42 years. Do you think you can safely use alcohol? If you do, smash that idea. Okay? There's no way of making drinkers like me out of a normal drinker. You know, that's why when you, well, I don't know about your state, in Georgia, if you go to a professional baseball game, basketball, football, whatever, okay, game, there's an announcement that comes over the PA system. It says, drink responsibly. Who is that message to? If he took the alcoholic, If the alcoholic could drink responsibly, he wouldn't be here. It's not to the guy who will drink one or two beers, because he will drink responsibly anyway. He'll just stop me getting up. So who is that really directed to, I don't know, drink responsibly, okay? If you can do it, do it, okay? These electrotypes were never safe to use alcohol in any form at all. And once having formed a habit, I formed a habit, and found that they cannot break it. Once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile. Up on them and become Astounded difficult to solve. Then the doctor said, frothy most of the pills, seldom suffice. You know, like someone telling you, you're such a nice guy. Everybody loves you. You got a good job. You're doing this, you know. I mean, why don't you just stop drinking? That ain't gonna work. I need a message which must have depth And wait. Okay? I don't think... Let's talk about the word suggestion. I mean, Howard. Headsteps we took, which I suggested as a program. It's only a suggestion if you want to live. If you don't Want to live, it means you had better. You know what I'm saying? Being in an airplane, you're going to jump out of the plane with or without a parachute. If you don't want to live, don't put on a parachute. Just jump out there. If you want to live, I suggest you put on a parachute. Okay? So I don't buy that suggestion thing too well. Okay? Now, it also tells us half measures of endless snuffing. What are half measures? What does that look like? It looks like somebody telling you, oh, just take what you like and leave the rest. Just take the steps you like. What, are you kidding me? I don't like any of them steps. Okay? So how do you tell me to take what I like and leave the rest? Okay? Now, well, I'm not going to lose it on you, but Elthor's Anonymous had 12 steps. All right? Jesus Christ had 12 disciples. Odd or is it God? One of Jesus Christ's disciples was a guy named Judas. I'm telling you the truth One of Those steps is your Judas step Really? It's going to trip me up? Yeah, it's going to trip you up Which one is it? Truth be told, I don't know. Because it's different for each and every one of you. One guy might say, look, I'm not powerless with alcohol. My life is not a magic, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's your Judas step. One person might get to step nine. I'm not making amends for them. That's your Judas step. If you don't feel like practicing these press and all your affairs, that's your Judas step. See, it's different for everybody. This whole program has got to be taken in its entirety. That means from everything. Willing to go to any lengths. And I always ask the people I'm working with, what's any lengths sound to you or what it looks like? I'll tell you what it looks like for me in this book. When this book says pray, we're going to pray. When this book says write, we're going to write. When this book says we're going to make an amends, you're going to make an amends. When this book says help others, you're going to help others. That's what any length looks like. And you're willing to do it? Welcome. Welcome to AA. You know, now, the doctor, not only does he tell us what's wrong with us, oh, I'm not complaining here, I'm bad at things. I got my book, it's so mocked up that it's, oh, here it is, on XXVII, that's 27, Roman number. Okay, the doctor makes a statement here that it really sounds confusing. The first time I read it, I said, what does that mean? Here's what the doctor said what we need in order to record. Now, the book says, one, two, three, fourth paragraph now. We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulty beyond our conception. What with our ultramodern standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge. Does that doctor still work? Well, they told me a long time ago, change a few words. When they say. Our. O-U-R in this paragraph, that means us doctors. Okay? When they say moral psychology, that's a doctor's way of saying a spiritual experience or a spiritual awakening, whatever you want. When they say the powers of good, we want to say the powers of God. Now, if you read it that way, it reads like this. We doctors, okay, we doctors, that means more than him. Remember, this guy's a specialist. He's a director. So I guess some other doctors agree with him on this is what we need. We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of a spiritual awakening was of urgency and importance to alcoholics. But its application, in a way I can give it to you, presents difficulty beyond doctors' conception. What with doctors' ultramodern scientific, I mean, let's try that one more time. Now, what with doctors' ultramodern standards, our doctors' scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well to apply the powers of God that lie outside of synthetic knowledge. Synthetic knowledge is man-made. We need a spiritual awakening. We have to apply the powers of God. Okay? Now, if you're here just to not drink no matter what, you may not be an alcoholic, you're still welcome. Okay? But some people come in to make Amy and when I knock what's going on and I'm tired of this God stuff and I don't want to hear this. I'm telling you, God is either everything in your life or he's nothing. No in between. Okay? The whole problem has got to be taken. Now, I could make you a whole lot more promises. Other than what's in this book, But not drinking. This book is about living. It has more to do with your living than it does with your drinking. I think anybody can stop drinking, even me. Just stop drinking. But you want to be happy about it? Might I suggest a plan outlined in this book, okay? And when people tell you something and you say. Wow, where is that in the book? If it's not in the book, it's their saying, okay? Like they say. Just don't drink no matter what. That ain't in my book. My book says if you don't think you can drink you and alcohol, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. They didn't say go out and get drunk. They said try some controlled drinking, okay? By the way, anything you got to control, anything, I don't care what it is, your drinking, your temper, your mouth, your spending, your anger, anything. Anything you're out of control is out of control. And that's why you have to control it, because it's out of control. If you think you can do that, fine, do it. And you know something? I think I spoke a book long enough. I want to hear, really, from the rest of you. Oh, I have three more minutes left, okay? But I want to thank Solution Speakers for inviting me, and I hope all you got something out of this meeting, you know, and whatnot. And please, newcomers who don't have a big book, get one like this, okay, and read it and do what it says. And that's all I got. Thank you all for listening. Just a quick reminder to subscribe, like, or follow if you like the show on any of your favorite listening platforms. If you like the speakers and other content on the podcast, please show us some love by leaving a review and consider making a PayPal contribution to help keep the show going at paypal.me forward slash a shot glass of recovery. Every dollar makes a difference. And we thank you. Our speakers come from my AA home group, AA Solution Seekers. We meet every day at 7 a.m., so pop in sometime and say hello. Until next time, thanks for joining me on a shot glass of recovery.

A Shot Glass of Recovery

Welcome back to A Shot Glass of Recovery! Whether you're a first-time listener to A Shot Glass of Recovery or a loyal member from my 2 Sober Chicks days, I’m glad you’re here. 🌟

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