What Happens When You're Done with Religion Altogether?

A Pastor and a Philosopher Walk into a Bar

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2M ago 1:19:50

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What happens when the foundation of your identity crumbles beneath you? When the lens through which you understood the world no longer works? Psychologist Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren joins us to explore this profound transition that one-fifth of Americans have experienced—leaving religion behind.
Drawing from eight years of groundbreaking research across multiple countries, Van Tongeren walks us through what he calls "the great disillusionment," which he documents in his book Done: How to Flourish After Leaving Religion. We discover that most people who check "none" on religious surveys were previously religious believers—what he calls the "dones." Their past faith doesn't simply disappear but leaves "religious residue" that continues influencing their thoughts, behaviors, fears, and values long after they've walked away.
This conversation ventures beyond theory into practical wisdom for navigating life's deepest questions. Van Tongeren shares his personal journey through faith crisis after his brother's tragic death and how it shaped his research. We explore why rigid faith systems often collapse under scrutiny while flexible faith proves more resilient, how former fundamentalists frequently jump into new ideological extremes, and why developing "existential distress tolerance" might be the most crucial skill for our anxious age.
Whether you're questioning faith, have left religion behind, or simply want to understand this massive cultural shift, this episode offers profound insights into finding meaning and purpose at the intersection of psychology, philosophy, and spirituality. Van Tongeren challenges us to courageously engage life's existential realities rather than avoiding them—suggesting this honest confrontation might be the only path to flourishing.

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Chapters

1. Episode Introduction (00:00:00)

2. Meeting Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren (00:04:44)

3. Psychology of Religious Departure (00:11:28)

4. Religious Residue and Leaving Faith (00:25:42)

5. Rigid Faith vs. Flexible Faith (00:36:16)

6. Existential Distress Tolerance (00:49:26)

7. The Meaning Penalty After Religion (01:02:56)

8. Trading One Fundamentalism for Another (01:14:42)

9. Value-Based Living and Spiritual Evolution (01:19:54)

131 episodes

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