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Trigger warning: Episode discusses death, grief and choosing to die.

This is part two of a series. If you haven't listened to Episode 12 where I first introduced you to my mum Carolyn and her decision to pursue voluntary assisted death, start there.

On the 11th October, we threw my mum the living wake of the century. It was supposed to be four months before she died. We had time. We had plans.

Then that night, she couldn't breathe. She pressed her buzzer. Nobody came. She thought she was going to suffocate alone in her bed.

The next morning, I got the call. Less than an hour later, my brother and I were sitting with her asking: "Do you feel done?" She said yes.

Three days later, she would be dead.

On the Tuesday—her final full day—she asked if we could record one more conversation. I was exhausted, but my friend Rodney said, "You'll regret not doing this."

So we talked about last words, regret, flickering lights as a form of communication from the other side, and whether she thought she was brave.

Then I share what actually happened in her final hours—the ritual, the music, her actual last words as her chosen music played, and the surprising peace that came after.

What has surprised me most is that peace. Not the devastation I expected. Just this gentle, unexpected calm.

I'm sharing this because I think we need different stories about death. Real ones. Where someone looks forward to what's next.

Where grief can be peaceful instead of wild.

If you feel like this is too raw for you, it's ok. This won't be for everyone, but I'm glad I recorded this episode even though I was exhausted and dubious.

My mum is, was, and will always be a remarkable human being.

CAROLYN COLLEY

07/10/1951 - 15/10/2025