What happens when your halal environment feels like your haram environment? When the place that should feel safest—your mosque, your community—becomes a source of struggle? This is just one facet of the profound journey Bilal shares in this deeply moving episode.
Bilal, a married Muslim father from Australia, takes us through his lifelong experience with same-sex attraction (SSA), from the first confusing feelings as a young boy to reaching absolute rock bottom as an adult. With raw honesty, he describes clinging to the Kaaba during Umrah, begging Allah to take these feelings away, and the moment when, sobbing uncontrollably on the side of the road, he surrendered completely to Allah's will.
The transformation began when Bilal discovered resources that helped him understand his experience not as an identity but as a test from Allah—one he was uniquely equipped to handle. Through building healthy masculine friendships, working through shame, and addressing childhood wounds related to his emotionally distant father, Bilal found a path forward that honored both his faith and his reality.
Perhaps most powerfully, Bilal shares his experience as a husband and father while navigating SSA, offering practical wisdom for others considering marriage. His ADHD diagnosis adds another layer to his story, highlighting the complex interplay between neurodivergence and sexuality that many in similar situations experience. Throughout it all, Bilal's message remains clear: acceptance doesn't mean surrender to desires, but rather acknowledging this test from Allah while focusing on the broader purpose of life.

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Background music for most podcast episodes: "Pandemia" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)