Buckle up because this episode of Traffic School was a high-speed collision between stand-up comedy, a legal clinic, and a fever dream fueled by sparkling water and leftover Twinkies. It all kicked off with fantasies about shoving Peaches and Jade into the back of a police cruiser like human Tetris, only to spiral straight into a rant about getting lured by snacks into cop cars. From there, things escalated rapidly—Viktor’s party plans included the farmer’s market, a "classy prom" he’s too trashy for, and a Seether concert that somehow made seem like a religious experience. Meanwhile, Lieutenant Crain got dragged into defending his musical taste while also trying not to give heart attacks to elderly patients at the Saint Anthony Rehab Center with his playlist of motivational bangers.

Listeners called in with real (and really absurd) questions—like whether flashing cleavage can get you out of a speeding ticket (spoiler: it can’t), and whether riding in the bed of a truck with your toddler is legal (technically, maybe, but come on, man). Things got wild with tales of roadside bribery, moob-shaming, and a whole tangent about truck nuts. There were debates about highway merging etiquette, high-beam diplomacy, and what exactly constitutes a “clothing malfunction” in front of a traffic cop. Donna from ITD showed up like a boss, full of justified road rage and ready to burn phones of distracted drivers with electromagnetic vengeance. Viktor spiraled about government priorities while threatening to give out Jade’s email if he ever gets fired, and Crain tried to keep the chaos in check with the patience of a saint being pelted with traffic cones.

By the end, there was talk of microchipping drivers, electrocuting people for bad behavior, and inviting the governor on the show just to argue about boobs on guitars and library censorship. If the Department of Transportation tuned in, they probably needed a drink. All in all, it was a full-throttle, no-brakes ride through rural chaos, legal loopholes, and whatever the opposite of “public service announcement” is.

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