It’s Not About the Fight—It’s How You Fight

This Complex Life

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6M ago 13:27

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Why do we keep having the same fight?

It can feel frustrating when the same arguments keep coming up. But conflict is not the problem. It is how we handle it that makes the difference. Research shows that most relationship conflicts are ongoing, yet avoiding them only builds resentment. The good news is that conflict, when managed well, can actually strengthen trust and connection.

I am Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health and relationships educator. In this episode, I explore why conflict is normal, how small miscommunications can turn into bigger issues, and how curiosity, empathy and repair can help you navigate difficult conversations with your partner.

Key takeaways

Conflict is a normal and healthy part of relationships
Avoiding difficult conversations does not make issues disappear
Seventy percent of relationship conflicts are ongoing and unsolvable
How you approach conflict shapes trust and connection
Repairing after a disagreement is more important than never fighting
Words, tone and active listening all play a role in resolving tension
Some people argue to be right, others to connect or feel in control
Asking questions with curiosity can lead to deeper understanding

Resources

• Gottman Institute research on conflict in relationships – www.gottman.com

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