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Understanding PDA: Parenting a Child with Pathological Demand Avoidance
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What if even the simplest request—like “put on your shoes”—triggered a fight-or-flight response? For families raising a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), this is everyday reality. Misunderstood, under-researched, and often dismissed, PDA presents unique challenges for both children and parents navigating a system that doesn’t always recognize it.
Meet Jessie Townz, a mom raising a 7-year-old son with PDA. Jessie openly shares her journey of learning, adapting, and shifting her entire parenting mindset to meet her child’s needs. With lived experience and years of trial, error, and breakthroughs, Jessie brings both practical wisdom and encouragement to other parents navigating PDA.
TOPICS DISCUSSED
What PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) really means
Why PDA is not included in the DSM-5
Common misunderstandings about PDA behavior
Parenting strategies to reduce demands and calm dysregulation
The role of language and reframing requests
Family dynamics and sibling impacts
Supporting families with PDA children
Cultural and generational challenges in understanding PDA
TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE
PDA is a nervous system disability—children aren’t choosing not to comply, they often can’t.
Language matters: shifting from “You must” to supportive phrasing helps reduce anxiety.
Dysregulation can take 90 minutes or more for a child to recover from, making prevention key.
Parents often face judgment from others who don’t understand PDA—education and communication are vital.
The mindset shift of “not won’t, but can’t” is life-changing for families.
Supporting siblings and extended family education helps create a calmer home environment.
LINKS:
Follow Jessie’s journey
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