Should I Spank My Child? Spare the Rod? What Science Says About Spanking & Modern Discipline
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In this eye-opening episode, Kim and Jake explore the truth behind one of the most quoted — and misquoted — sayings in parenting: “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” Together, they unpack where the phrase really came from, how corporal punishment became woven into American parenting culture, and what modern science reveals about its long-term effects.
Kim shares her personal experience growing up in an era where spankings were normal and unquestioned, while Jake reflects on being raised with empathy, communication, and natural consequences — especially important for his neurodiversity.
You’ll learn:
- What “corporal punishment” truly means (and doesn’t).
- Why the “rod” in Proverbs wasn’t about hitting children.
- How discipline evolved from fear-based control to connection-based teaching.
- What 50+ years of research shows about the emotional, behavioral, and developmental impact of spanking.
- Why neurodiverse children (ADHD, ASD, sensory differences) are especially harmed by physical punishment.
- The psychology behind “But it worked for me…” and why nostalgia clouds memory.
- Effective, evidence-based alternatives that actually teach skills instead of instilling fear.
- A step-by-step guide for parents who want to transition away from spanking — including how to talk to your kids, how to rebuild trust, and whether you should apologize for past discipline.
Whether you grew up with corporal punishment or are navigating modern parenting philosophies for the first time, this episode offers compassion, clarity, and practical strategies you can use immediately.
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📚 Supporting Sources & References
Physical Punishment & Outcomes:
APA (2019); Gershoff & Grogan-Kaylor (2016, Journal of Family Psychology); UNICEF (2022); Heilmann et al. (2021, The Lancet); Berlin et al. (2009, Child Development).
Neurodiversity & Discipline:
Smith (2019, Pediatrics Review); Capano et al. (2019); Matson & Rivet (2008); Autism CRC (2020).
Parenting & Behavior Change:
Neff (2011, Self-Compassion); Siegel & Bryson (The Whole-Brain Child); Greene (Raising Human Beings); Harvard Center on the Developing Child (Co-Regulation research).
History & Cultural Context:
Butler, Hudibras (1664); Proverbs 13:24; Global Initiative to End Corporal Punishment (2023).
36 episodes