In this crustacean calamity of atomic proportions, The Introverted Obelisk scuttles into the radioactive tidal pool of 1957’s Attack of the Crab Monsters—a movie where the science is shaky, the dialogue is moist, and the crabs are psychic. Join us as we unpack the radioactive fever dream of an island expedition that goes from scientific to suicidal in record time, courtesy of some giant telepathic crabs with a taste for human intellect and long-winded exposition.

We’ll explore why the military insists on sending its most emotionally fragile personnel to monster-infested islands, why nobody is ever actually holding a gun when they need one, and how the crabs’ plan for world domination somehow hinges on eating geologists and repeating their voices like parrot-shaped Ouija boards. Also: the thrilling debut of murderous molting!

With shocking deaths, suspenseful paper mâché, and crabs that seem more emotionally available than most men in the 1950s, this episode pairs best with a warm cocktail and a suspicious side of coleslaw.

So grab your Geiger counter, dodge the disembodied voices, and whatever you do—don’t go near the fissures.