good morning friends, and as deeply encouraged many of us might be following last night’s mayoral election results in New York City, I remain cautiously hopeful that some day in the future there will be a major candidate for high office willing to address the needless, senseless proliferation of hot takes. I don’t wanna hear your reasoned argument that a hot dog is not a sandwich. I don’t wanna hear some self-styled artist/bozo in pajamas taking about which Seals & Crofts album is a perfect 10 (answer : NONE OF THEM). Rid our streets of tiny microphone wielding smug motherfuckers asking the dopiest questions and eliciting the most boring of answers. This may not be the biggest problem facing our nation — I reckon it’s pretty far down the list — but I am steadfast in my opinion the only good thing about these so-called short-form creators is that they’re not creating anything LONG FORM.

(above : the OG short form maven, Ugly George. And no fucking way am I advocating resurrecting him, either).