Understanding Your Relationship with Goodbyes and Closure

The Biology of Trauma® With Dr. Aimie

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6d ago 9:51

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What if your struggle with goodbyes isn't just about being emotional—but reveals something deeper about how you've been protecting yourself from grief?

In this mini episode, Dr. Aimie Apigian shares one of her most personal stories about transformation: how her lifelong pattern of avoiding goodbyes led to carrying decades of unprocessed grief, and how learning to stay present through endings completely changed her life—and became the foundation for the 21-Day Journey.

This episode explores the hidden costs of emotional avoidance, why goodbyes can feel unbearable, and how learning to feel complete with experiences is essential for moving forward without regret. Dr. Aimie vulnerably shares her journey from someone who would literally book trips to avoid final goodbyes, to someone who could sit with her dying friend David and ask the question she'd never been able to ask before.

In this episode you'll hear more about:

The pattern of goodbye avoidance: How Dr. Aimie would emotionally distance herself long before endings arrived, protecting her heart but never feeling complete with experiences
The hidden burden of unfinished goodbyes: Getting busy, finding escapes, leaving early—even booking trips specifically to avoid being present for closures
The grief underneath: Why each goodbye felt so hard—it was tugging on a lifetime of accumulated, unprocessed grief from every goodbye she'd never properly faced
The embarrassment of emotional sensitivity: Hiding her feelings to appear strong and tough, then sobbing alone once she was by herself
The pattern of depletion: Always wanting more, never feeling like there was enough time, never feeling complete—and how this connected to her inability to say goodbye
David's story: Meeting an 82-year-old man who became a dear friend during the pandemic, and the decision to bring him home from isolation when he was dying alone
The question that changed everything: "Is there anything you feel you need to feel complete before you pass on?"—a question Dr. Aimie had never been able to ask patients in her years working in general surgery
The moment of transformation: Sitting with David as he held her hand over his heart, not bracing herself, heart wide open—becoming a completely different person than the Aimie who would've found dishes to do or papers to file
The birth of the 21-Day Journey: How the specific exercises and sequence were designed in those final hours with David, born from the realization that if she could change this much, anyone could
The commitment to not do it alone: Why Dr. Aimie designed the journey to safely guide others through their healing, just like she did for David—providing not just exercises, but the science and support so no one has to figure it out alone

Your relationship with goodbyes reveals more about you than perhaps any other aspect of your life. Learning to stay present through endings, to feel complete with experiences, and to honor what's been while still moving forward—this is the gift of true closure.

🎧 Want more on nervous system healing? This week's full episode is Episode #144: The Perimenopause Revolution: Trauma, Transitions and Tools with Dr. Mariza Snyder, where we explore how perimenopause brings everything up for review—relationships, obligations, and patterns that no longer serve you. Just like learning to be present for goodbyes transforms your capacity for closure, perimenopause becomes an invitation to discern what matters enough to maintain your nervous system regulation in the second half of your life. Don't miss this powerful conversation about why everything you've been tolerating suddenly feels intolerable, and how to navigate midlife transitions with nervous system support!

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