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Turning 40 and asking ‘what if’
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What if midlife isn’t a crisis at all, but an upgrade you never knew you were getting? In this episode, Stephanie sits down with Dr. Deborah Heiser, a psychologist and midlife specialist who believes our forties mark the moment we finally step into our deepest emotional power. Together, they cover why so many people feel unsettled during this season of life; how to tell when you’ve outgrown the path you’re on; and the surprising science that shows our emotional well-being only gets better with age. If you’re standing at the edge of change and wondering what comes next, this conversation will give you language, perspective, and permission to imagine something more.
Guest Bio
Dr. Deborah Heiser is an applied developmental psychologist, the CEO/Founder of The Mentor Project, and author of The Mentorship Edge. She is a TEDx speaker, member of Marshall Goldsmith 100 Coaches, Thinkers 50 Radar List, expert contributor to Psychology Today and is also an Adjunct Professor.
Turning 40 and asking ‘what if’
What happens when a lifelong researcher stops studying everything no one wants to have and instead turns her attention toward what we get to look forward to as we age? For Dr. Deborah Heiser, the answer was a midlife awakening that liberated her from expectations, perfectionism, and the need for a safety net. In her early forties, she left a secure and prestigious research career to build a new life rooted in purpose, fulfillment, and the belief that emotional growth continues long after our bodies start to creak. She discovered that midlife isn’t a crisis, it’s a transition, and it is rich with potential if we’re willing to ask one simple question: what if?
In this warm and energizing conversation, Deborah and Stephanie explore the emotional arc of adulthood, the surprising freedom that comes with experience, and why midlife may be the happiest, most meaningful chapter yet.
Episode Highlights
- How Deborah walked away from a secure research career at 40 to pursue meaning, joy, and a new definition of success.
- The surprising freedom that comes from realizing the “tightrope” of big life changes is actually close to the ground.
- The shift from relying on external authority to trusting your own experience and expertise.
- Why the emotional trajectory of life goes up even as the physical one goes down.
- Midlife transitions vs. midlife crisis: how changing the language opens new possibilities.
- How cultural norms have shifted since the 1970s, and what Millennials bring to the midlife conversation.
- The power of asking “What if?” to reveal possibilities, uncover desires, and subtract what no longer serves you.
- Why fulfillment becomes non-negotiable in your forties, and how to follow the internal cues that point you toward it.
This conversation takes an insightful deep dive into the emotional transition of midlife, guided by someone who has both studied it and lived it. Stephanie and Deborah unpack why our forties often spark a shift toward fulfillment, autonomy, and self-trust, and how curiosity, not crisis, is the real engine behind change. Through stories, science, and a few well-placed laughs, they reframe midlife as an exciting developmental stage where we get to rethink our choices, reclaim our authority, and create lives that feel good from the inside out.
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh so more people can discover what this transition is really all about.
Guest Resources
Deborah’s book: The Mentorship Edge: Creating Maximum Impact Through Lateral and Hierarchical Mentoring
Deborah’s Psychology Today Blog about Turning 40
Article: The Midlife “What if?”
Connect with Deborah on Instagram
Connect with Deborah on TikTok
Do you have the Midlife Ick?
Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.thebigfouroh.com/ick
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