With Love, The Balds with Trixie and Katya

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

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7d ago 55:43

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Greetings, you luminous kitchen sprites! Today, we’re embarking on a journey — not just of baking, but of awakening your lifestyle & fashion demon through the delicate magic of edible flowers. Because why just eat cake when you can also accessorize it?

STEP 1: DON'T GET YOUR BEGONIAS IN A BUNCH
To avoid a trip to the E.R., avoid begonias and instead find manufactured spiritual enlightenment with freshly-picked rose petals, pansies, or marigolds.

STEP 2: CLEAN THOSE FILTHY FLOWERS
Rinse your petals in a bowl of Acqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani from a secret spring in France, which you can find on sale for $80,000 per bottle, as regular bottled water tastes of mediocrity. STEP 3: BAKE THAT CAKE, B**CH Today, we’re making our signature probiotic pistachio lavender cupcakes with 24-carat gold flakes, Bavarian yak yeast, and crushed rose petals. As you whip the batter, be sure to say a prayer to a deity of your choice that you'll never know the pain of living in a house smaller than 50,000 square feet.

STEP 4: DECORATION AS MANIFESTATION
Once your cupcakes are baked and cooled, it’s time to place the rose petals atop the lemon lavender frosting, pausing every few moments to reflect on your life and think of all the ways you'll spend that $100M advance from Netflix.

Remember that each rose petal is like a tiny love note from your recent meditation retreat in Bali. As you serve the cupcakes, don't forget to smile through your perfectly white veneers as you assert decoration dominance over your guests. Maintain eye contact as you devour the dessert in complete and utter silence, the sound of your ever-growing investment portfolio the only music your party guests deserve.

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This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at ⁠https://BetterHelp.com/BALD⁠ and get on your way to being your best self!

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

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218 episodes

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