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The Imago Connection: Transforming Conflict into Growth | Mary Kay Cocharo | #130
Manage episode 479634997 series 3623291
Mary Kay Cocharo shares how Imago therapy helps transform relationship conflicts into opportunities for healing childhood wounds through a structured dialogue process that fosters safety, understanding, and deep connection.
• Imago theory suggests we're unconsciously attracted to partners who possess both positive and negative traits of our childhood caretakers
• Relationships typically move from a romantic stage (lasting about two years) to a power struggle phase where childhood wounds emerge
• 50% of married couples divorce during the power struggle phase after about six years of conflict
• The Intentional Dialogue process involves mirroring (reflecting what was said), validating (acknowledging the other's perspective makes sense), and empathizing
• Surface conflicts often mask deeper childhood wounds, as illustrated by a couple fighting about a dog that actually connected to grief over a mother's death
• Sitting 18 inches apart with eye contact calms the limbic brain and activates the cortex, creating a neurobiological state conducive to problem-solving
• People typically respond to conflict by either "hyper-arousing" (getting louder/more expressive) or "hypo-arousing" (withdrawing/shutting down)
• Three key elements for a stronger marriage connection: touch/physical affection, safe/respectful communication, and shared activities
• Focus on the dynamic in the space between you rather than blaming your partner
• Simple eye gazing for a few minutes can rebuild connection when words have become triggering
Mary Kay's Resources
Welcome to the Fit, Healthy and Happy Podcast hosted by Josh and Kyle from Colossus...
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Strongermarriage.org
Podcast.stongermarriage.org
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Dr. Dave Schramm:
Dr. Liz Hale:
Chapters
1. Introduction (00:00:00)
2. Welcome Mary Kay Cocharo (00:01:20)
3. Explain Imago Therapy (00:02:02)
4. Stages of Romantic Relationships (00:04:20)
5. Helping Couple Relate (00:11:31)
6. Real World Example (00:14:14)
7. [Ad] Fit, Healthy & Happy Podcast (00:14:34)
8. (Cont.) Real World Example (00:15:12)
9. Encounter-Centered Couple Transformation Therapy (00:21:26)
10. Psychology and The Brain (00:30:29)
11. The Key To A Stronger Marriage Connection (00:38:16)
12. Mary Kay's Resources (00:40:16)
13. Mary Kay's Takeaway (00:44:15)
14. Liz Takeaway (00:45:12)
15. Dave Takeaway (00:45:31)
16. The Gaze Technique (00:46:09)
17. Closing (00:50:05)
146 episodes
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