Why should you be the one to change when she's got issues too?

You're standing in a relationship standoff. She's got her guns up (criticism, contempt), you've got yours (defensiveness, stonewalling). Both of you are waiting for the other to drop theirs first. And while you're both waiting, your marriage is slowly dying.

Alessandro dismantles the "it's not fair" mindset keeping you stuck and shows you why changing first has nothing to do with fairness. He confronts the question every man asks: "Why do I have to be the one to change?"

Chapters:
00:01:14 – The Mexican Standoff Keeping Couples Stuck
00:02:47 – The Two Guns: His Defensiveness vs Her Criticism
00:06:03 – How Society Turned Marriage Into an Unequal Load
00:09:12 – The Life Ship Analogy and the Mental Load Gap
00:15:42 – The Gottman Research Men Never Hear
00:19:31 – Personal Ownership That Transforms a Marriage

Alessandro walks you through the societal pressures women face, the hormonal realities you've never considered, and research from the Gottman Institute proving that when men refuse to accept influence from their wives, there's an 80% chance the marriage falls apart. This is the fastest path to actually fixing your relationship.

You'll discover the "life ship" analogy that reveals why you think you're doing everything right while she's drowning in resentment. Alessandro lays out how your defensiveness feeds her criticism, how your stonewalling makes her feel unsafe, and why clearing your own shit first is the most powerful move you can make, whether she changes or not.

By the end, you'll see why changing first isn't weakness. It's efficiency. It's ownership. And it's the only way to know if your marriage can be saved or if it's time to walk away with clarity.

Listen and learn why the man who drops his gun first actually wins the war.

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Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy. Always seek qualified guidance for your personal situation.

Views shared by Alessandro Frosali and his guests reflect their lived experiences and opinions. Every listener’s journey is unique, and no therapeutic relationship is created.