Trauma-informed healer Emma Lyons, founder of The Trauma Matrix, joins Sacha to unpack her concept of the “inner narcissist” — the shaming, controlling voice that masquerades as protection while keeping us small.

Emma shares how shame hijacks the nervous system, why mindset work alone can’t heal, and why shame isn’t a moral compass but a mechanism of control. Together they explore family dynamics, self-erasure, and the cultural conditioning that teaches us to pre-emptively shame ourselves before anyone else can.

If you’ve ever done all the healing work but still feel stuck, this conversation will help you spot the imposter voice that’s been running the show.

🧭 In This Episode

• What the “inner narcissist” is and how it impersonates your voice
• Why shame is a tool of control — not a motivator
• Shame vs. guilt and how shame blocks empathy
• Why survival responses get mislabeled as mindset problems
• Early signs your nervous system —not your willpower— is running things

🪞 Key Takeaways

• The inner narcissist is a parasitic shame voice that punishes, controls, and claims to “protect” you.
• Shame ≠ guilt: shame says “I am bad”, while guilt says “I did something bad.”
• Shame inhibits empathy and true change; guilt allows repair.
• Many self-sabotage patterns are actually nervous-system survival scripts.
• Freedom starts when you recognize the voice isn’t you — and stop feeding it by arguing or appeasing it.

⚠️ Content Note

Includes discussion of shame, narcissistic family dynamics, and brief mention of suicidal ideation (non-graphic). Please take care while listening.

Connect:

Where to find Emma:

• 📱Facebook: [https://www.facbook.com/emma.s.lyons]
• 📱Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/trauma.matrix]
• 📺TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@trauma.matrix]
• 📺YouTube: [https://www.youtube.com/@trauma.matrix]
• 📰Substack: [https://traumamatrix.substack.com/]
• 🧠LinkedIn: [https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-lyons-b482021b3/]

• 🎙 Guest inquiries: bookings [at] holderhausmedia [dot] com
• 📬 Get in touch: heythere [at] holderhausmedia [dot] com
• 🎙 More episodes & info: [https://the-high-functioning-disaster.captivate.fm/]
• 🎙 Discover more podcasts by Holder Haus Media: [https://holder-haus-media.captivate.fm/]
• 📱 Follow on IG: @thehighfunctioningdisaster [https://instagram.com/thehighfunctioningdisaster]
• 📺 Watch on YouTube: Uploads coming soon! [https://www.youtube.com/@HolderHausMedia]
• 💜 When I’m not podcasting, I’m also a Scentsy Consultant of 10+ years. If you’re into fragrance and cozy vibes, you can find my shop here: [https://sachasmells.com]

Keywords

Emma Lyons, The Trauma Matrix, inner narcissist, inner critic, shame, guilt vs shame, trauma, nervous system, somatic healing, breathwork, yoga, survival response, people-pleasing, perfectionism, visibility, self-trust, boundaries, Dr Ramani, shameless, self-erasure

🎧In Part 2, Emma shares her B.R.E.A.K. Method for interrupting shame attacks, how to apply it to real-life narcissists, and why visibility and receiving often feel unsafe for women. Spoiler: she dismantles the myth that we should “learn to live with shame.”

👉 Make sure you’re subscribed to The High-Functioning Disaster so you don’t miss this next chapter.