))
STOP Saying “GOOD JOB!" Why Praise Can ACTUALLY Hurt Your Child’s Confidence
Manage episode 517786626 series 3670492
Stop saying “GOD JOB!” to your child! Here’s why that kind of praise might actually be hurting kids' confidence.
For years, research has shown that the way we praise our children shapes how they perceive themselves — and it can make or break their self-confidence. Empty praise can limit a child’s growth mindset, while small shifts in our words can help them build confidence that truly lasts.
As Montessori educator Mark W. Berger reminds us, children don’t need our approval — they need the space to discover their own mastery. In this episode, you’ll learn what really happens in a child’s mind when they’re praised for effort instead of results, and hear real examples of what to say instead to nurture independence and pride.
So, if you ever wondered why Montessori parents don’t say “Good job,” tune in and discover how shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset changes the way you praise — and how it can transform your child’s confidence from the inside out.
5 Key Takeaways:
1️⃣ Praise isn’t always helpful. Saying “Good job!” shifts focus from a child’s effort to our approval, teaching them to seek validation instead of self-motivation.
2️⃣ Confidence comes from competence. Real confidence is built when children experience mastery through doing, not from constant praise or applause.
3️⃣ The brain rewards progress, not praise. Dopamine spikes when kids overcome challenges—not when they’re told they did well.
4️⃣ Montessori wisdom matters. As Mark W. Berger reminds us, children don’t need more praise—they need more practice, space, and trust to discover their own mastery.
5️⃣ Shift your words, shift their mindset. Replace “Good job!” with phrases that notice effort and independence—like “You kept trying!” or “You did it all by yourself.”
Timestamps
00:00 Why “Good Job” Isn’t the Praise You Think It Is
00:48 The Real Problem With Praise and Approval
01:26 Welcome to The Anya Garcia Show
02:05 From Courtrooms to Conscious Parenting
03:02 Why Confidence Comes From Competence
03:58 The Science of Praise and Motivation
04:45 Montessori Wisdom From Mark W. Berger
05:42 Adrian’s Story and a Moment of Mastery
06:32 What to Say Instead of “Good Job”
07:18 Final Thoughts and Parenting Takeaway
Resources & Links
🎯 Join MKAP™ EXPERIENCE. If you’re listening to this when the episode first comes out and you find that the MKAP™ EXPERIENCE isn’t currently open for enrollment, don’t worry! You can hop on the waitlist and be the first to know as soon as the doors open again, + the first to get your hands on any time-sensitive bonuses. It’s your chance to be ready the moment those doors open, so you don’t miss your moment.
📚 Research & Sources Mentioned
- Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
- Berger, M. W. – Montessori Educator Insights on Intrinsic Motivation and Mastery.
- Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior. Springer.
- Montessori, M. (1967). The Absorbent Mind. Holt, Rinehart, and Winston.
- Neuroscience of Motivation: Dopamine and Reward Pathways – National Institutes of Health (NIH).
- American Psychological Association (APA). “The Effects of Praise on Children’s Motivation and Mindset.”
🌟 SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW
If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe to the Anya Garcia Show and leave a review on Apple Podcast! Your support helps us reach more parents like you who need these insights.
Here’s how: Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Tell me what resonated most—I love hearing your biggest takeaways!
🎙 Thanks for tuning in, and I will see you next time!
19 episodes
Share
