Are we asking our kids the wrong questions?

In this parenting mindset episode, Anya reveals the TRUTH about how one simple shift in the questions we ask can nurture happier, more confident children. Discover how embracing today—not chasing someday—can transform your parenting, homeschooling, and family connection.

🔗 Full Episode Details Here»

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

1. Why asking “What do you want to be when you grow up?” might be the wrong question— and how shifting your focus to who your child is today creates a deeper connection and joy.
2. What neuroscience says about your child’s brain development— including why the prefrontal cortex isn’t ready for big life decisions (and what that means for teens and toddlers).
3. How to release the pressure of “preparing” and embrace the power of presence— so you can nurture confident, happy kids without rushing their becoming.

I was six, sitting in a wooden chair with my feet dangling and my heart racing, when the teacher looked up and asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Around me, little voices called out answers like “doctor” and “astronaut,” rehearsed dreams borrowed from picture books and parents.

But in that moment, all I could think about was recess, sunshine, and the thrill of just being—right here, right now.

So I answered, “Happy.”

The teacher blinked, a little confused, and said, “I don’t think you understood the assignment.”

But deep down, even at six, part of me wondered if maybe she didn’t understand life.

5 Key Takeaways:

1️⃣ Presence Over Pressure — A child’s worth isn’t in who they’ll become, but in who they already are today. Start there.

2️⃣ Brains Need Time — The prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until the mid-20s. Expecting teens to choose their future is like asking a seed to bloom on demand.

3️⃣ Questions Shape Identity — “What do you want to be?” focuses on doing. Try asking, “Who are you becoming?” instead—it invites connection and self-trust.

4️⃣ Today Builds Tomorrow — Joyful, curious moments now are the real prep for the future. Recess matters. So do questions about bugs and block towers.

5️⃣ You’re Becoming Too — This journey isn’t just about raising kids—it’s about raising ourselves into more present, grounded, grace-filled humans.

Timestamps

0:00 – What if we’ve been asking the wrong question all along?

0:35 – A childhood classroom memory and the answer “Happy”

1:35 – Welcome to The Ana Garcia Show

2:00 – From courtrooms to homeschooling: my journey

3:00 – You don’t need more to be enough—alignment over perfection

3:40 – Okay, full disclosure… I said attorney

4:00 – The wisdom of John Lennon and a mindset shift

4:40 – Are we preparing too much and missing the present?

5:15 – That child in front of you—covered in paint and full of wonder

5:50 – Why we can’t expect high schoolers to have it all figured out

6:30 – Science says: the brain’s not ready for big life decisions

7:10 – The pressure teens face to choose, and what studies show

8:00 – What if we became protectors of their present?

8:30 – Anchoring our kids to the now—not an imagined future

9:00 – Harvard research on early childhood brain development

9:40 – Fall in love with the process, not the outcome

10:10 – Ask this instead: Who are you becoming today?

10:40 – We’re becoming too—stay soft, stay present, stay curiousResources & Links

🔗 Full Episode Details Here»

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📚 Research & Sources Mentioned

• Giedd, J. N. (2015). The teen brain: Insights from neuroimaging. Journal of Adolescent Health, 52(2), S2–S6.
• Gati, I., Gadassi, R., & Shemesh, N. (2023). Career decision-making difficulties among adolescents: A multi-dimensional analysis. Frontiers in Education, 8, Article-1097993.
• BestColleges. (2023). Students feel pressure to decide their future too early.
• Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). Brain architecture. Harvard University.
• Montessori, M. (1967). The Absorbent Mind (C. A. Claremont, Trans.). Holt, Rinehart and Winston. (Original work published 1949)
• Garcia, A. (2023, October 17). Redefining what you want to be. Montessori From The Heart.
• Garcia, A. (2024, October 18). What if "Who do you want to be?" isn’t the right question? Let’s focus on today. Montessori From The Heart.

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