Description: From dating app thirst traps masquerading as nature enthusiasts to corporate America's pastel-colored midlife crisis, spring fever has turned society into a horny petting zoo with commitment issues. Watch as perfectly rational humans transform into sexually-charged DIY disasters while their credit cards melt faster than ice cream in August.

Spice Index: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

Why? Because spring transforms reasonable adults into horny DIY disasters with maxed-out credit cards. Evolution's cruelest joke—convincing Nebraskans they need paddleboards while Home Depot executives high-five. We're all just animals in Banana Republic clothing, mistaking pollen-induced horniness for self-improvement while nature laughs at our pathetic seasonal delusions.