In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast Victoria and Natalie open up about the often-overlooked challenges that school holidays bring for families of autistic children. While many look forward to summer as a time to unwind, for SEND families, it can mean disrupted routines, inaccessible childcare, and emotional overload for both children and parents.

Key Takeaways

• The change in routine of the summer holidays can cause emotional distress for autistic children (such as Natalie's son.)
• Traditional holiday clubs are often not suitable for neurodivergent children
• Planning can be helpful for some families -Structured days with visual timetables and pre-planned outings
• Finding clubs with adequate support for older children—or any children under 8—is still a major barrier for many families.
• Even the best laid plans can need flexibility, especially when emotions run high or children have different needs on the day.
• You may find it works best to create moments for each child to have their needs met, sometimes separately.
• Finding other parents in similar situations provides not just understanding, but practical help from playdates to moral support.
• Self-care can be challenging but it's still important, even it you can find small moments for an evening meditation or a chat with a friend.
• Joy can be found in simpler, slower summer moments

Mentioned in This Episode

Learn more about visual timetables - https://www.caudwellchildren.com/visual-timetables-for-autistic-children/

ASCape - https://ascapegroup.org/

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to

the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters

raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday

moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,

shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving

a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with

you.

Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in

between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:

Hello, I'm Victoria, and today we're talking about something that can be

especially tough for many families. The school holidays, when you hear the word

holiday, most people think of relaxing, unwinding, and quality family time. But

if you're raising an autistic child, the reality can look very different.

Victoria Bennion: It

does for Natalie. So in this episode, we're sharing honest stories from our own

lives. [00:01:00] We're talking about what's

worked, what hasn't, and sharing a few simple strategies that we've found

helpful that we hope might help you to make Summer a little more manageable.

Natalie Tealdi: this

is a time of year that we really struggle with because our son really loves his

routine, so now he's in A school he enjoys, he likes to go there every day and

he'd quite happily go there every day of the week. Thank you very much. All

year round, which I'm sure his teachers would absolutely love.

Natalie Tealdi: So we

notice as school holidays are approaching perhaps. Two weeks before each

holiday, he starts to get more stressed. We see more stimming, more

dysregulated behaviors, his diet's affected, doesn't eat as much, those kind of

things. So when it actually gets to holidays, he just doesn not like being out

of his routine,

Victoria Bennion:

I've heard other parents say the same struggle, but for my son, he's counting

down [00:02:00] to the holidays and he loves

that all the pressure has taken off. I so it's really interesting always for me

to hear I'm sorry for you that it's challenging.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

and I think it is also, it's a bit of a mindset thing because you hear holiday

and you think, oh, time to relax. Oh, it'd be so nice if it was like that. And

I know that it is like that for some families and that's brilliant. But for us

it actually means more work, more planning needs to be involved.

Natalie Tealdi: He's

very physical, so it's not only the mental planning that needs to go into it,

it's the physical as well. I need to be on it. I need to be doing things with

him because he needs that physical stimulation.

Victoria Bennion: I

remember when he was quite little and you were trying to find suitable clubs

and you had a bad experience with the holiday club. That was quite early on, .

That was when you were starting to realize that there were some issues here.

Things were not all Okay.

Natalie Tealdi: That

club [00:03:00] was, I'd put him in for three

full days a week. I think it was two or three, so that I could work. At that

point I was working at a university. So I put him into. This club, and it was a

disaster. He just could not cope. He tried to run away several times. He was

kicking out. He just did not want to be there, did not want to join in and

wasn't coping.

Natalie Tealdi: And

at the time I didn't know what was going on because I had inklings that he was

struggling with things, but I didn't really know why. And we ended up taking

him out of there and I had to reduce my work hours, which was very stressful

'cause I just couldn't do my job properly. And it was then, that was before he

started school.

Natalie Tealdi: So it

was then that I contacted the senco at the school to alert them to this

experience so that they were a bit prepared for when he started school.

Victoria Bennion: The

following year, when you started. Looking for clubs or how you were gonna cover

the summer holidays, you knew that clubs like that wouldn't [00:04:00] be a good fit for your son.

Natalie Tealdi:

Exactly. We knew that he needed a lot more support. He finds following

instructions very difficult, and also he doesn't. Really like following

instructions. So if a game is a certain way, he will look at it and think let's

play it a different way and design his own. So he's very, it's clever in that

way, but he needs a lot of support for following instructions and also managing

his emotions too.

Victoria Bennion:

When you are looking at clubs, what are the kind of clubs that he would like to

do?

Natalie Tealdi: He

enjoys water sports climbing. That kind of thing. Very physical things, but he

would need somebody with him.

Victoria Bennion: Was

his age a factor in finding clubs that had the right support?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah

I found that under eight, particularly a lot of clubs just wouldn't take under

eights. I dunno why that is.

Natalie Tealdi: I

wonder if it's to do with [00:05:00] personal

care or.

Victoria Bennion:

Could be.

Natalie Tealdi: I

don't know, level of maturity generally,

Victoria Bennion: So

what did you do? In that time where you couldn't find clubs that would take him

'cause he wasn't old enough, if they did have the right support and you

couldn't put him into clubs for neurotypical children because he wouldn't cope

or they wouldn't go well. So what were you left with when you were trying to

juggle working and your other child?

Natalie Tealdi: It's

basically down to us. So what we actually did was get a nanny for our younger

child because that was easier to find care for her. It's expensive option. But

I didn't want to put her in a child minder when she was so little. So we got a

nanny in that could look after her sometimes in the home and sometimes take her

out so that I could fully focus on my son.

Natalie Tealdi: And

we still have the nanny now. Not as many hours, but. We do, and we also, we are

lucky enough to, [00:06:00] we do get funding

for our son now to have a pa, but that's only for four hours a week during

holidays. So when it comes to me working, it doesn't leave much room with the

childcare that's involved to me and my husband.

Natalie Tealdi: Take

a lot of time off.

Victoria Bennion: I

think that's true of a lot of families who have the same difficulties as you do

is very hard. Few weeks to juggle.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

and I find that I want to work because that is my time off. And then I feel

guilty saying that. 'cause of course I like to spend time with my children, but

at the same time, that is my respite as well. And I do need that time to just

be me.

Victoria Bennion:

That makes sense. Since he's turned 8, have you found that now you have more

options for this summer?

Natalie Tealdi: Not a

whole load more. It's not just finding activities. It's finding things that he

would be willing to go to and be willing to try. And that can be, tricky in

itself.

Victoria Bennion: At [00:07:00] the beginning you talked a little bit

about. Needing to plan and how your son likes the structure of school. So how

do you approach this in the holidays to ensure that he has structure? I'm

assuming you can't just say, today, think we'll go to the beach.

Natalie Tealdi: No,

we can't do that. We use visual timetables and. I organize play dates with

children that I know he will play well with. They all involve me though, so

it's not like I can drop him off at a friend's house and leave him. I have to

be there, which means I then need care for the younger one because where

they've got the age gap, it's not compatible.

Natalie Tealdi: So

play dates family trips. And yet the visual timetables, timers,

Victoria Bennion:

They're good tips. What would you suggest you do? If you've got a family and

you have both neurodivergent children and neurotypical children in it, how do

you cater for both?[00:08:00]

Natalie Tealdi: That

is a very good question and I'm not sure I can answer it myself. It's something

we are working through

Victoria Bennion: I

actually think even if you have neurodivergent children, their needs might be

very different. As we've just talked about. Holidays don't bring the same

problem to me as they do for you. So you could have one of mine and one of

yours within the same family. So I'm imagining that would. Require different

skills.

Victoria Bennion:

Like you a timetable's, really important, but my son's just turned 11, so what

we make use of now is the calendar that he has in his room. He's okay with it

being written, but he needs to see what's the plan is and ideally the timings.

That's the bit I struggle with, but. If he can see the shape of the week, like

you, it's very difficult to just be spontaneous and say, today we're going to

do this.

Victoria Bennion: For

his anxiety levels, it needs to be structured and it needs to be planned.

Victoria Bennion: I [00:09:00] used to get it so wrong for what my son

needed. I used to think I was being great. I was taking them out. I was

planning all these things and actually I was overloading him particularly, I

think now I was probably overloading my daughter as well they both benefit from

that downtime.

Victoria Bennion: I

realized that. Whilst we do activities, they need to recover from that and it

takes quite a lot outta them.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

that's true. And I do, we timetable in time apart from the two siblings so that

they both get time to themselves. They both get time just with mom or just with

dad as well, which can help.

Victoria Bennion:

that's a good idea. That's a good idea. We definitely have to do some separate

things as well because it just. My daughter can cope with going to town, for

example, whereas my son would find a trip like that quite hard. So yeah, it's

looking at what works for which child and then [00:10:00]

who's around and how you can split up your time.

Natalie Tealdi: And I

also think is if you plan days out. You've gotta be able to adapt those plans

because you can plan to go out for a day altogether and you can be just about

to get in the car and then one of them decides, no, can't do that today. So

it's about having a plan B there that can help as well.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, that's a good point. That is a good point. I think we probably don't do a

lot of that. We tend to plan lots of little things nearby things because it's,

without thinking about it really, isn't it? It's, it comes over the years of

knowing what works and what doesn't work.

Victoria Bennion: And

we've had disastrous trips to Legoland and places like that just don't work for

my son. So we keep it a lot more low key in the summer holidays. Luckily, we

live. In a holiday destination.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

Victoria Bennion: At

this point, I know the [00:11:00] kind of

activities that are gonna work like the beach, like the woods nature, not too

busy.

Victoria Bennion: , I

was thinking about friends the other day who go to so many of , the local

events that take place in air shows and, . I automatically filter them out. I

don't even consider going

Natalie Tealdi: I

know. Yeah. And actually I struggle with those myself. So there you go.

Victoria Bennion:

Okay.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

so then to have to support the children when I'm struggling myself is even

worse.

Victoria Bennion:

What would you say about community support? How useful is that?

Natalie Tealdi: So I

would say reach out to parents in similar situations because that's one thing

that really helps me is other parents and arranging play dates with those kids

because they get it and if you're gonna be late they'll understand. And you can

vent to each other, got some good mum

Natalie Tealdi:

friends.

Victoria Bennion: who

understand. How do you look after yourself over [00:12:00]

the summer?

Natalie Tealdi: Not

very well because I find once I've got the activities planned for the children

and work sorted out, I just get left to the bottom of the pile which is wrong.

I need to get better at that. It's my evenings, I just try to just do a bit of

meditation. Just something very simple or chatting with a friend, but I don't

arrange social stuff for myself 'cause it's too much on top of everything else.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, I think it depends as well if you find social things uplifting or if they

drain you as well,

Natalie Tealdi: Yes,

that is a very good point. I can find social things tricky anyway, so I have to

manage my own stress.

Victoria Bennion: And

that makes sense that you have to do what works for you. Alright, so how can

parents go about building a network of support through the summer holidays? I.

Natalie Tealdi: [00:13:00] I think support groups a great way to meet

people.

Victoria Bennion:

There are some good ones near us. There's ASCape in Bridport? if you join

local, send Facebook groups, you might see activities there or meetups

Natalie Tealdi: like

family days, don't they? Where the parents go along, but then you can just chat

to other parents and,

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah. So it's a dual purpose, so it can give you somewhere that you can take

the children and also that's how you can start building a network and finding

people who understand that your situation.

Natalie Tealdi: I

wish there were more of them, to be honest.

Victoria Bennion:

It's definitely something that's really needed.

Natalie Tealdi: In an

ideal world, I wish the school ran summer activities, even if it was like.

Really reduced maybe just every morning or something like that. That would be

something to give a little bit of respite, but also provide that routine for

the children.

Victoria Bennion: My

son's school does run something attached as a [00:14:00]

riding stables, but. It's also quite expensive, and as I say, it's not

something that we need to look at, again, it's budgeting it all as well, isn't

it?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

I remember one year I booked quite a lot of send activities for my son and I

drove all around the county. Obviously when I booked them, I didn't really

research where we were going, and I ended up on all these long drives down farm

tracks and by the time we actually got there, me and my son were both

exhausted.

Natalie Tealdi: But

yeah, so I've learned from that experience to look at where these places are

before you book.

Victoria Bennion: I

think I remember that because it was quite good, wasn't it? Quite a lot of

sporting activities and things that he liked. It was just not always anywhere

near where we live.

Natalie Tealdi: Yes,

exactly. I didn't realize quite the area that was covered I thought was more

local, but yes, now I know better.

Victoria Bennion: So

you go into September exhausted, and then for me, that's more where [00:15:00] our struggles will begin with having to go

back to school, which I think is worth another episode

Natalie Tealdi: yeah,

I think so. It's like we flip, don't we? we...