“You Don’t Have to Break Before You Begin” with Scott Kratchmer

Content Note: This episode includes mention of a past suicide attempt (approx. 36:20–39:30). Please take care while listening.

Episode in a Sentence

Older queer men are still navigating workplaces—and identities—built on other people’s comfort. Coach and advocate Scott Kratchmer shares why unmasking is a practice, what he calls the trades’ “silent gap,” and practical scripts you can use at work without outing yourself or over-explaining.

What You’ll Learn

• Why coming out is not one-and-done—and how it can happen more than once
• How unconscious masking shows up at work and at home (and how to stop)
• The “silent gap” facing queer men in blue-collar spaces (trades, fieldwork, male-dominated teams)
• Coming out later in life: joy and grief—and how to honor both
• Boundary scripts you can use today (even if you’re not out at work)
• A look inside Scott’s 12-week group “Authentically You” and the outcomes he sees

Scott Kratchmer — Founder, Scott Kratchmer Coaching. Scott empowers older queer men to live unapologetically in life and career and advocates for psychological safety in blue-collar environments.

• Site: scottkratchmer.com

• Social: @ScottKratchmerCoaching (Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn)

• Group program: Authentically You (12 weeks; founding cohort)

Timestamps / Chapters

• 00:00 Welcome & setup
• 01:23 Coming out more than once (and sometimes going back in)
• 07:08 Blue-collar bullying & microaggressions—how it lands
• 11:39 Family conversations, letters, and choosing safety
• 34:55 The mantra: “You don’t have to break before you begin.”
• 36:20 Content note segment: past suicide attempt & the turning point
• 41:18 Unmasking in everyday life: from people-pleasing to partnership
• 49:30 The “silent gap” and why visibility feels risky in the trades
• 55:18 Coming out later in life: what we missed & what we gained
• 1:06:41 Inside Authentically You—self-love, acceptance, empowerment
• 1:14:48 Boundary scripts you can use at work today
• 1:16:30 Outro + how to connect with Scott

Resources Mentioned

• Scott Kratchmer Coaching — scottkratchmer.com
• Authentically You (12-week cohort)

If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. In the U.S., dial or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In Canada, call or text 988. If you’re elsewhere, please reach out to local resources.

Connect with the Show

• Follow & Subscribe: Empowered & Out (Apple, Spotify, YouTube)
• Host: Jonathan Barbe — LGBTQ+ purpose & confidence coach
• Work with me: Book a discovery call https://linktr.ee/empoweredandout

• Produced by Empowered & Out/Jonathan Barbe/JMB Coaching LLC

If this conversation helped you, follow the show and leave a quick rating + review on Apple or Spotify. It helps more LGBTQ+ professionals find tools to work—and live—without masking.