In this episode, we chat with Valerie Imparato, a lawyer and artist originally from Haiti, currently living in Somerville, Massachusetts. Valerie shares her often complicated journey to parenthood. She recounts her initial easy conception followed by a miscarriage in Italy during Covid, and the subsequent "excruciating" nine months of trying before conceiving her daughter unexpectedly during a vacation where she was "not doing all the things" typically recommended for optimal fertility. Valerie also opens up about enduring two more miscarriages and an unsuccessful round of IVF, and her ongoing, emotionally taxing second IVF cycle.

Our conversation delves into the profound impact her family building struggles have had on her relationships. She discusses the guilt of navigating secondary infertility while raising her three-year-old daughter, feeling as though she might be "robbing her of her childhood" due to the demands of treatments like IVF. She shares the frustration of comparing her journey to friends who conceive easily, and the strain the constant emotional and physical burden has placed on her marriage. We also touch on the unique generational grief experienced when family members pass away before new babies can be born. Some of Valerie’s biggest sources of support include a Bible study group specifically for women who have experienced miscarriages and fertility issues and the unexpected comfort of television shows like Severance that portray fertility struggles authentically.

A significant part of Valerie's coping mechanism and expression is her art, which she uses to process emotions and experiences that are difficult to articulate through words. She emphasizes that her art often captures the "strange and alienating and lonely and clinical" aspects of IVF, rather than solely the outcome of having a baby, as she initially assumed IVF would be a guaranteed success. This includes the bureaucratic challenges like red tape, insurance issues, and constant phone calls related to treatments. A favorite piece from her show earlier this year is a portrait of Valerie in a hospital gown, depicted through embroidery for her body and skin, with actual hospital gown fabric and silk for the bed sheets. This piece took a "billion years" to create and, while rooted in her IVF journey, evokes memories of being in the hospital after her miscarriages, creating a feeling of "deja vu" and a "merry-go-round" of emotions related to trying to have or losing a baby. The expression on her face in this piece is described as "resigned".

Sharing her art has created a sense of community with others who have experienced similar struggles and Valerie hopes that one day her daughter will see her art and understand "what this was like for me and why maybe sometimes I was the way that I was". Valerie is currently working on new art that will continue to explore this topic, but with a stronger link to her mom's illness. Listeners can view Valerie's art at her website https://www.valeriepimparato.com/ or by following her on Instagram @vp_visualart.

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

IVF, secondary infertility, guilt, relationships, grief, pregnancy after loss, bible study, fertility challenges, art, visual art, community support, connection, shame, stigma, Severance, infertility in the media, family building, infertility support, miscarriage experience, IVF journey, parenting while trying to conceive, emotional impact of fertility issues, fertility consultation, pregnancy loss, trying to conceive tips, women’s health and fertility, coping with miscarriage, family dynamics during fertility struggles, supportive community for infertility, navigating pregnancy after loss, emotional well-being during IVF, fertility treatments, understanding ovulation, parenting struggles, generational grief in family building