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196: The Selfish Year: How Putting Yourself First Can Change Everything with Valerie Jones
Manage episode 509094164 series 3591753
In this powerful episode, I am joined by Valerie Jones, author of The Selfish Year, host of The Selfish Woman podcast, and founder of The Selfish Woman Movement. Valerie shares her incredible journey from being a chronic people-pleaser, conditioned to be the "good girl," through two difficult marriages that ultimately led her to a profound breaking point. In a radical act of self-preservation, she embarked on a year-long experiment to be selfish—a decision that changed everything.
Our conversation is a deep dive into what it truly means to be selfish, redefining it not as a dirty word, but as the sacred act of being "full of self." Valerie introduces the beautiful concepts of the "First Girl"—the exuberant, authentic version of us before the world told us who to be—and the "Hurt Girl," the protector who emerges to keep us safe. We discuss the immense cost of people-pleasing, the patriarchal programming that conditions women to be selfless, and the two stages of reclamation: first, learning to put yourself first so you can give from abundance, and ultimately, arriving at the freedom of prioritizing yourself simply because you are worthy.
You'll also hear about:
- (03:23) Valerie’s journey as a chronic people-pleaser through a 24-year marriage that ended in divorce.
- (06:36) How an externally perfect life in Spain led her to a breaking point and the decision to start her "Selfish Year" experiment.
- (13:23) The first crucial lesson Valerie learned: in order to be truly selfish, you must first get to know yourself.
- (15:38) Redefining selfish as being "full of self" and learning to mother the parts of ourselves that are scared and afraid.
- (21:04) The concepts of the "First Girl" (our true, unconditioned self) and the "Hurt Girl" (our protector self) and how to integrate them.
- (27:08) The high cost of being a "good girl"—including resentment, depression, and patterns of self-abandonment.
- (40:58) The two stages of embracing selfishness, from a "Trojan horse" for the brain to the ultimate freedom of prioritizing yourself, full stop.
Join us for this liberating conversation and discover why Valerie’s message is so vital: "You are not broken. You are becoming."
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Learn more about Valerie Jones:
- Learn more on Valerie's Website
- Buy the book: The Selfish Year
- Listen to The Selfish Woman Podcast
- Follow Valerie on Instagram
Follow Dr. Gertrude:
- Learn more on Dr. Gertrude’s website
- Follow Dr. Gertrude on Instagram
- Stay in the loop and sign up to Dr. Gertrude’s newsletter
- Order Dr. Gertrude’s new book “Rewrite the Mother Code”
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